I can’t warm to my boyfriend’s family and I don’t know how to deal with it

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
#1
22f, my boyfriend is 24 and his brother is 20

Sorry if this is long and I hate to sound like a moaner but this is a really tricky situation I’m in. I love my boyfriend of nearly 3 months to bits and we have a great relationship, we rarely argue in fact we seem to be rock solid, but I really don’t think I like his family and I feel awkward af every time I have to see them when I go to his, it’s hard to bite my tongue

His mum and dad I actually used to like but now I realise they are so tight and selfish, they know I’m struggling to find work atm so hired me to do part time work for them on their market stall with the promise I’d be paid more than I was given. They paid me buttons (£15) for working 8 hours twice and actually doing more than them, yet promised I’d get a lot more than that. They didn’t care that early starts meant I didn’t get anything to eat and threatened to sack me if I ate something from their stall. Their employee spoke to me like **** when I had to work alongside her and also his mum and dad despite the fact they were going to the same place as me, never gave me a lift (not even offered) there even though I don’t have much money and can’t drive. They never introduced me as their son’s girlfriend, I was just a “helper” even though I knew how to talk to customers better than them. I felt inferior and dumb cos of the *****y friend who works for them. She ridiculed me for being bad at maths. My family said that they were all taking the piss out of me so I quit after two shifts. The other night I was trying to talk to his dad when staying at my boyfriend’s house (just cas convo which his dad started) and he shut the door in my face. The night before that his mum wouldn’t stop texting him despite knowing he was at mine, then said I should get the bus to a place I barely know to meet my boyfriend at a work Christmas party in 1) the dark and 2) bad weather. What normal person expects a young lass to walk on her own in the dark? Also his mum makes tea at like 10 o clock at night, and rarely bothers going shopping even when not at work, meaning my boyfriend and me end up having to go when I come round

I don’t like his brother either. Everytime I come to their house his brother stares at me like I don’t have the right to be there, and is incapable of being nice to anyone. Whenever my boyfriend is on the phone to me his brother thinks it’s absolutely hilarious to take the phone off him and follow him round the house. He is a slob who does nothing and never leaves the house. He can’t even be arsed to empty his leftover food from dishes into the bin. When he’s not being a prick to my boyfriend He spends all day and night playing videogames on his computer and comes downstairs at like 1 o clock in the morning to have a bath. He doesn’t even bother going to the toilet, he pisses and ***** in bottles yet somehow gets away with it. The other night I found a soggy bowl of cereal filled with water dumped in the sink. I’m not a clean freak but this made me gag. My boyfriend buys him things and he responds by saying he doesn’t like what he’s bought him and he never pays him a penny when he buys a takeaway. We get one once a week but his brother doesn’t even offer him money back he just gets it for free while I always pay him back

My boyfriend knows what they’re like and he says they’re not normal but to keep the peace (cos I know he’s biased obviously) I shake my head and agree when really I just want to rant and rave about how ****ing rude and abnormal his family are. They really push my buttons and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m worried the way they are will end up driving me away from a good relationship. Has anyone else been in the same boat?
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Hey!!
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#2
Report 5 months ago
#2
By fûck do they sound like hard work, and I feel for you. I really can’t blame you for disliking his family. But I’m not sure what I would do in this situation because as he lives with them, you’ll see them every time you go round there. I was gonna say that if you have the money between you maybe you and your boyfriend could set up home and move in together, but nearly 3 months in is way too early for that. Since you say your relationship is rock solid, that means you’ll probably go the distance and eventually he’ll probably be your husband, which would make his family your family. Ask yourself if you could handle that? I don’t think I could tbh. So I’d be honest with your boyfriend but please choose your wording carefully, definitely don’t tell him you don’t like them, just say that you’ve tried so hard but they just test your patience too much, that you realise you have nothing in common and you don’t want them around you. Don’t call them weird or abnormal, he knows they’re like that anyway. Your boyfriend’s reaction will show you how serious he is about you. If he takes their side there’s nothing you can do, and you’ll have to decide whether you think your relationship is strong enough to survive this and whether you can weather the storm, or should go your separate ways. It’s horrible when you have to split up thanks to other people, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. If you can’t communicate your feelings properly it’s definitely for the best. From what you’ve said, I get the feeling they don’t seem too fond of you either! They do seem rude, weird and selfish but it’s possible they keep doing what they’re doing to wind you up. At the end of the day though, it all comes down to how you and your boyfriend feel.
Last edited by Hey!!; 5 months ago
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Callicious
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#3
Report 5 months ago
#3
Just try to aim for a relationship without the trimmings, ie link your boyfriend this and tell him you want nothing to do with his family only him.
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username5520794
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#4
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#4
I really hate to break it to you, but relationships NEVER really work when you don’t like your partner’s family. If you can’t take to just one member of the family, it’s easier to work it out, but you don’t like any of the people he lives with, and while I totally understand why, this is a massive red flag for your relationship. When it comes to the crunch, he’s always gonna choose his blood over you. Trust me I know. I have been in this exact same situation, witnessed it in a relationship of someone I know, and it always ends the same way: you end up getting dumped. I know you want to avoid this happening so please! Don’t make the same mistake I did. I know communication is important but. Don’t talk to him about it. Keep trying to bite your tongue for as long as you can and when you can’t no more discuss it with your own family, they will help you decide the best course of action to take here. Most likely they will speak to him and suggest a family meditation. Good luck! x
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 4 months ago
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This original post was put on another forum, word for word and the poster got advice she didn't like, so had the thread removed.
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Chicken.M.
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#6
Report 3 months ago
#6
Just using my parents as an example. My mum is asian, my dad is white. His family were extremely racist and hated my mum. My dad ended up cutting his family off after years of drama (after they already had 2 kids, including me). His mum only phoned up to apologise to both of them like 40 years later after she's already old as **** and close to dying lol.

But yeah things worked out with my mum and dad in the end and they ended up with a happy family together.

Personally I'd really consider ditching someone if they're forcing me to spend time with troglodytes that they're related to though.

But if they hate their own family and have cut them off that's more acceptable to me. Since I don't have to spend any time around them then and theres no drama to deal with.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 3 months ago
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