The Student Room Group

Rate my lyrics (in progress)

idk this took me a min or 2 making this so it's not to great and I'm a beginner.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


You swore you loved me
But I guess your thoughts were a little blurry
oh, Why does my heart fall apart so so easily?
Maybe it’s time to break free..
So i can smile with glee.

But now I’m sitting alone again in my driveway watching stars
Maybe oh just maybe i’ll see mars
But without you i wouldn’t even see the moon gazing back at me
Without you i cant even sing in tune.


Not even the best astronauts are compared to you.
Not even they’re crew too.
But im just glad i knew you anyway.
also just for fun my dad said screw you to! :smile:
Original post by ArloIDK
idk this took me a min or 2 making this so it's not to great and I'm a beginner.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


You swore you loved me
But I guess your thoughts were a little blurry
oh, Why does my heart fall apart so so easily?
Maybe it’s time to break free..
So i can smile with glee.

But now I’m sitting alone again in my driveway watching stars
Maybe oh just maybe i’ll see mars
But without you i wouldn’t even see the moon gazing back at me
Without you i cant even sing in tune.


Not even the best astronauts are compared to you.
Not even they’re crew too.
But im just glad i knew you anyway.
also just for fun my dad said screw you to! :smile:


Personally I think it’s all over the place but not bad! Keep trying :3
Reply 2
Original post by Yvaa
Personally I think it’s all over the place but not bad! Keep trying :3

lol thanks for the truth
Original post by ArloIDK
idk this took me a min or 2 making this so it's not to great and I'm a beginner.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


You swore you loved me
But I guess your thoughts were a little blurry
oh, Why does my heart fall apart so so easily?
Maybe it’s time to break free..
So i can smile with glee.

But now I’m sitting alone again in my driveway watching stars
Maybe oh just maybe i’ll see mars
But without you i wouldn’t even see the moon gazing back at me
Without you i cant even sing in tune.


Not even the best astronauts are compared to you.
Not even they’re crew too.
But im just glad i knew you anyway.
also just for fun my dad said screw you to! :smile:

i liked it ^^
not sure about the last stanza tho
is it pop genre?
Original post by ArloIDK
idk this took me a min or 2 making this so it's not to great and I'm a beginner.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


You swore you loved me
But I guess your thoughts were a little blurry
oh, Why does my heart fall apart so so easily?
Maybe it’s time to break free..
So i can smile with glee.

But now I’m sitting alone again in my driveway watching stars
Maybe oh just maybe i’ll see mars
But without you i wouldn’t even see the moon gazing back at me
Without you i cant even sing in tune.


Not even the best astronauts are compared to you.
Not even they’re crew too.
But im just glad i knew you anyway.
also just for fun my dad said screw you to! :smile:

It’s decent. Feels a bit forced in places especially some of the rhyme and doesn’t feel cohesive. I don’t get why some of the lines are in there like the Mars one just felt a bit random but it’s a good effort. I often read lyrics and don’t love them until I hear them sung so it’s probably better when you sing it!
Reply 5
Original post by fufferpish
i liked it ^^
not sure about the last stanza tho
is it pop genre?

yea lol i did the last stanza for fun.. sorry
Reply 6
Original post by flamingolover
It’s decent. Feels a bit forced in places especially some of the rhyme and doesn’t feel cohesive. I don’t get why some of the lines are in there like the Mars one just felt a bit random but it’s a good effort. I often read lyrics and don’t love them until I hear them sung so it’s probably better when you sing it!

it is better sung than read lol for this
Original post by ArloIDK
idk this took me a min or 2 making this so it's not to great and I'm a beginner.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


You swore you loved me
But I guess your thoughts were a little blurry
oh, Why does my heart fall apart so so easily?
Maybe it’s time to break free..
So i can smile with glee.

But now I’m sitting alone again in my driveway watching stars
Maybe oh just maybe i’ll see mars
But without you i wouldn’t even see the moon gazing back at me
Without you i cant even sing in tune.


Not even the best astronauts are compared to you.
Not even they’re crew too.
But im just glad i knew you anyway.
also just for fun my dad said screw you to!
:smile:

I'll bold the lines that seem off to me - you don't have to change them although if this is a proper song I would recommend removing the 3rd stanza
Do you have a concept/story set in place as I feel that might help it be a bit more cohesive
Original post by ArloIDK
yea lol i did the last stanza for fun.. sorry

nothing to be sorry for cause its your song :u:
its just the gap between astronaut and the said person - as in...how are they alike in what way?
and was it *their crew in 3rd stanza?
Original post by ArloIDK
it is better sung than read lol for this

Most songs usually are!

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