The Student Room Group

Flat sharing and family

I share a flat with two friends, it’s three girls in our flat. We all study in the same university and living with them has been really easy and we’ve become close friends. We share kitchen and bathroom.

My brother has recently graduated and is looking for jobs. As he doesn’t live near me and takes a flight to come over. Since September has has come two times to see his friends, staying for a weekend the first time and for a week the second time.

I don’t mind him staying at my flat, however, I am aware that him staying over might be uncomfortable for my flat mates mainly because of the sharing of common spaces. Although he is respectful and considerate, he must understand that him staying affects my flat mates. They have never complained about him and hope that they would have no problem telling me, but I’m not completely sure.

His graduation is in early January and he wants to come a 3-4 days before my parents to see his friends and go out the weekend before his graduation.
I tried to make him understand that this affects my flat mates and coming a 3-4 days before is not right. I also told him that I’d let them know beforehand that he’s coming and I’d talk to them about how they feel with having my family over for a few days.

He did not take this well and told me I’m selfish. He said I don’t need to explain myself to them and that telling him this was rude, but I completely disagree.

This situation has caused a huge argument with him and now I’m having second thoughts about whether I should’ve gone about his differently.

Thoughts? What should I do?
Original post by Anonymous
I share a flat with two friends, it’s three girls in our flat. We all study in the same university and living with them has been really easy and we’ve become close friends. We share kitchen and bathroom.

My brother has recently graduated and is looking for jobs. As he doesn’t live near me and takes a flight to come over. Since September has has come two times to see his friends, staying for a weekend the first time and for a week the second time.

I don’t mind him staying at my flat, however, I am aware that him staying over might be uncomfortable for my flat mates mainly because of the sharing of common spaces. Although he is respectful and considerate, he must understand that him staying affects my flat mates. They have never complained about him and hope that they would have no problem telling me, but I’m not completely sure.

His graduation is in early January and he wants to come a 3-4 days before my parents to see his friends and go out the weekend before his graduation.
I tried to make him understand that this affects my flat mates and coming a 3-4 days before is not right. I also told him that I’d let them know beforehand that he’s coming and I’d talk to them about how they feel with having my family over for a few days.

He did not take this well and told me I’m selfish. He said I don’t need to explain myself to them and that telling him this was rude, but I completely disagree.

This situation has caused a huge argument with him and now I’m having second thoughts about whether I should’ve gone about his differently.

Thoughts? What should I do?

I 100% think that you're in the right.

Had it been your own apartment that you were paying for, he would be more than welcome to stay unannounced. However, in this situation you must check with your flatmates as he'd be using utilities that you and them pay for together. This is actually selfish of him to think that he can stay without consideration from the two.

Still, I think it would be best to deny him from staying again in the future. If he gets too comfortable with staying over your flatmates will 100% start feeling uncomfortable.
Reply 2
Original post by blueskyeyed
I 100% think that you're in the right.

Had it been your own apartment that you were paying for, he would be more than welcome to stay unannounced. However, in this situation you must check with your flatmates as he'd be using utilities that you and them pay for together. This is actually selfish of him to think that he can stay without consideration from the two.

Still, I think it would be best to deny him from staying again in the future. If he gets too comfortable with staying over your flatmates will 100% start feeling uncomfortable.


Thank you for your contribution. This makes me feel less guilty. I’m going to do as you said as he’s going to cause unnecessary confrontation with my flat mates
Original post by Anonymous
I share a flat with two friends, it’s three girls in our flat. We all study in the same university and living with them has been really easy and we’ve become close friends. We share kitchen and bathroom.

My brother has recently graduated and is looking for jobs. As he doesn’t live near me and takes a flight to come over. Since September has has come two times to see his friends, staying for a weekend the first time and for a week the second time.

I don’t mind him staying at my flat, however, I am aware that him staying over might be uncomfortable for my flat mates mainly because of the sharing of common spaces. Although he is respectful and considerate, he must understand that him staying affects my flat mates. They have never complained about him and hope that they would have no problem telling me, but I’m not completely sure.

His graduation is in early January and he wants to come a 3-4 days before my parents to see his friends and go out the weekend before his graduation.
I tried to make him understand that this affects my flat mates and coming a 3-4 days before is not right. I also told him that I’d let them know beforehand that he’s coming and I’d talk to them about how they feel with having my family over for a few days.

He did not take this well and told me I’m selfish. He said I don’t need to explain myself to them and that telling him this was rude, but I completely disagree.

This situation has caused a huge argument with him and now I’m having second thoughts about whether I should’ve gone about his differently.

Thoughts? What should I do?


Hello,

You have been very sensible and most certainly taken the right course of action. You share the space with other people and that is the better part of a week. However, if all flat mates were in agreement, you wanted to and a guest of that many nights does not breach your contract, you could have him stay! There is no obligation to though.

I would just like to add to this thread that if you are struggling with the argument or it has got you down at all, you should reach out to your university's wellbeing team. They will be ale to help you cope with the emotional upheaval of it and may be able to help you talk to your brother so that he can see thing from your point of view.

Lydia :smile:
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Lydia Taylor (YSJU Student Ambassador)
Hello,

You have been very sensible and most certainly taken the right course of action. You share the space with other people and that is the better part of a week. However, if all flat mates were in agreement, you wanted to and a guest of that many nights does not breach your contract, you could have him stay! There is no obligation to though.

I would just like to add to this thread that if you are struggling with the argument or it has got you down at all, you should reach out to your university's wellbeing team. They will be ale to help you cope with the emotional upheaval of it and may be able to help you talk to your brother so that he can see thing from your point of view.

Lydia :smile:

Thank you very much, I really appreciate your advice! I forgot there’s a well being team for stuff like this.
As a small update I talked to him about it a few days ago and he understood, we’re now on good terms now, so everything has been resolved

Quick Reply

Latest