The Student Room Group

Asking someone if they have STIs

Is it appropriate to ask someone this before hooking up and when is a good moment or way to ask? Someone hasn’t told me before so I’m just wary but I’m sure it’s an off putting question?
Don't ask them if they have STIs, tells them "let's both go and get tested".
It's perfectly reasonable, but a better way to broach the subject might be along the lines of "before we do this do you think it would be a good idea if we both got tested for STIs?"
Reply 3
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
It's perfectly reasonable, but a better way to broach the subject might be along the lines of "before we do this do you think it would be a good idea if we both got tested for STIs?"

Oh I meant more like on the day as it could be someone not in my area or I don’t know well and wouldn’t do all that with me
Original post by Anonymous
Oh I meant more like on the day as it could be someone not in my area or I don’t know well and wouldn’t do all that with me

do you really think they will tell you the truth?
Reply 5
Original post by black tea
do you really think they will tell you the truth?

At least there’s an opportunity to clock if they’re lying or uncomfortable with it
Original post by Anonymous
At least there’s an opportunity to clock if they’re lying or uncomfortable with it

if you think so
Original post by Anonymous
At least there’s an opportunity to clock if they’re lying or uncomfortable with it

How do you tell the difference between them being uncomfortable about a lie or being uncomfortable about a direct personal question? I think you would need to be particularly tactful not to get a negative reaction.

IMO It's the sort of thing that should be volunteered if relevant, but potentially a bit rude to directly ask and liable to put someone on the defensive (not sexy). Even now in Covid times the onus is on people to self declare and it's still considered rude to interrogate others without good cause.
you could say "hey i just thought you would like to know that i have been tested and am STI free...."

if they do not have something to hide then they would reply in a similar vein.
Reply 9
Original post by StriderHort
How do you tell the difference between them being uncomfortable about a lie or being uncomfortable about a direct personal question? I think you would need to be particularly tactful not to get a negative reaction.

IMO It's the sort of thing that should be volunteered if relevant, but potentially a bit rude to directly ask and liable to put someone on the defensive (not sexy). Even now in Covid times the onus is on people to self declare and it's still considered rude to interrogate others without good cause.

Yeah good point. I was thinking of only asking someone who I know has slept around a lot and parties a lot not just anyone. In the past it was this type of person who had the STI but didn’t mention it
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah good point. I was thinking of only asking someone who I know has slept around a lot and parties a lot not just anyone. In the past it was this type of person who had the STI but didn’t mention it

In fairness if it's someone on Tinder or such with the user name SEXMONSTER or someone you know fine well gets about a bit, I'd argue that's the sort of situation that may warrant a direct question and presumably less chance of them taking offence. Sometimes you simply may feel a need to directly ask for whatever reason, just be aware it can definitely sour a mood.
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Original post by Anonymous
Oh I meant more like on the day as it could be someone not in my area or I don’t know well and wouldn’t do all that with me

If the person you're going to have sex with is that much of a total stranger, then whatever their answer, you're basically accepting that you could end up contracting an STI from them.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Oh I meant more like on the day as it could be someone not in my area or I don’t know well and wouldn’t do all that with me

If you don't know them well and are intending it to be a one-night thing, you should ensure a condom is used rather than relying solely upon their honesty. Ensure you yourself have had a recent STI test so that you can represent what you're expecting from them.
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
If the person you're going to have sex with is that much of a total stranger, then whatever their answer, you're basically accepting that you could end up contracting an STI from them.

Unless a condom is used and there’s no contact with fluids?
Original post by Anonymous
Unless a condom is used and there’s no contact with fluids?

Condoms reduce the risk of getting an STI, they don't eliminate it completely. You can get certain STIs even without contact with fluids.

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