Messaging My Ex (Advice)
Hey everyone
I'll get straight to it, I was seeing someone for 6-months and it ended in March 2020 (just before lockdown) once it became long distance. She wanted to stay friends but I couldn't at the time because I was really hurt and she seemed to be doing okay (she ended it). I told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore and she understood, but left the door open for me to contact her when I was ready.
After a while of no contact, I moved on and got over it. However, over the past couple of months, I've been thinking about her again. I want to message and see if she is okay. What's the most appropraite way to go about doing this?
I don't want anything romantic, now that my feelings have cooled, I have nothing against being friends. I really just want to check-up on her. Thank you for your time everyone
I'll get straight to it, I was seeing someone for 6-months and it ended in March 2020 (just before lockdown) once it became long distance. She wanted to stay friends but I couldn't at the time because I was really hurt and she seemed to be doing okay (she ended it). I told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore and she understood, but left the door open for me to contact her when I was ready.
After a while of no contact, I moved on and got over it. However, over the past couple of months, I've been thinking about her again. I want to message and see if she is okay. What's the most appropraite way to go about doing this?
I don't want anything romantic, now that my feelings have cooled, I have nothing against being friends. I really just want to check-up on her. Thank you for your time everyone
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
You can send her an e-christmas card or message her 'happy new year'.
I've stayed friends with a few reasonably behaved ex bf's and meet up a few times a year.
Good luck!
You can send her an e-christmas card or message her 'happy new year'.
I've stayed friends with a few reasonably behaved ex bf's and meet up a few times a year.
Good luck!
If you want to be friends and you think it won’t be too difficult for you then I don’t see any reason why not to get in contact? Do you? I mean you don’t wanna be in a cycle of feelings coming back and then her maybe not being interested (as she ended it first time) and being hurt again. But maybe you or her have changed since then. It’s hard to say what to do without knowing the reason it ended it but I know that’s personal and you may not want to say. Don’t know if that’s helpful...
Original post by davidwythe
If you want to be friends and you think it won’t be too difficult for you then I don’t see any reason why not to get in contact? Do you? I mean you don’t wanna be in a cycle of feelings coming back and then her maybe not being interested (as she ended it first time) and being hurt again. But maybe you or her have changed since then. It’s hard to say what to do without knowing the reason it ended it but I know that’s personal and you may not want to say. Don’t know if that’s helpful...
Hey thank you for taking the time to reply. No I don't want anything romantic, but I mean, if I got ghosted it wouldn't feel good haha
I really don't mind being friends but the priority for me is just checking-up on them
Original post by londonmyst
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
You can send her an e-christmas card or message her 'happy new year'.
I've stayed friends with a few reasonably behaved ex bf's and meet up a few times a year.
Good luck!
You can send her an e-christmas card or message her 'happy new year'.
I've stayed friends with a few reasonably behaved ex bf's and meet up a few times a year.
Good luck!
Hey thank you for replying. I can't think of a good reason why not to message her, besides getting ghosted, which would suck, but I'd get over it. "reasonably behaved" haha what does that mean?
Should I keep the message friendly and simple or should I explain why I haven't message and stuff, what's the best way to do this kinda thing?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey thank you for replying. I can't think of a good reason why not to message her, besides getting ghosted, which would suck, but I'd get over it. "reasonably behaved" haha what does that mean?
Should I keep the message friendly and simple or should I explain why I haven't message and stuff, what's the best way to do this kinda thing?
Should I keep the message friendly and simple or should I explain why I haven't message and stuff, what's the best way to do this kinda thing?
i feel like because u guys have had history it would be a good thing to update her on why you haven't texted sooner? but dont get too much into it !! address her how u would a friend and make sure you aren't exerting urself or investing too much of ur energy when you try to make convo ESP when she isnt showing the same energy
Ask yourself how you would feel if she told you she was in a happy relationship. How it would make you feel seeing her post pictures of her new guy. Will it hurt you? If you’re ok with that than go ahead with checking up on her and possibly being friends again.
Original post by xobeauty
Ask yourself how you would feel if she told you she was in a happy relationship. How it would make you feel seeing her post pictures of her new guy. Will it hurt you? If you’re ok with that than go ahead with checking up on her and possibly being friends again.
Hey!
Hmm when we first broke-up, that thought would have hurt me for sure, but now I can say with confidence it wouldn't affect me. I hope she is happy with someone tbh
Original post by sananaina
i feel like because u guys have had history it would be a good thing to update her on why you haven't texted sooner? but dont get too much into it !! address her how u would a friend and make sure you aren't exerting urself or investing too much of ur energy when you try to make convo ESP when she isnt showing the same energy
Okay cool, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, sorry it's been a while" "I noticed that you guys went into lockdown" "I'm just wondering how you've been is everything okay?"
As the conversation continues I was thinking of explaining why I haven't messaged. She knows why I stopped talking to her, but I've been hesitant to re-initiate contact in case I get blanked haha
Is that okay? Thank you
Original post by Zarek
I think it’s fine to just message asking how things are going.
Cool! Thank you Zarek, I didn't see any harm in it either
Original post by Anonymous
Okay cool, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "Hey, sorry it's been a while" "I noticed that you guys went into lockdown" "I'm just wondering how you've been is everything okay?"
As the conversation continues I was thinking of explaining why I haven't messaged. She knows why I stopped talking to her, but I've been hesitant to re-initiate contact in case I get blanked haha
Is that okay? Thank you
As the conversation continues I was thinking of explaining why I haven't messaged. She knows why I stopped talking to her, but I've been hesitant to re-initiate contact in case I get blanked haha
Is that okay? Thank you
yes thats perfect !!!!! let us know how it goes
Original post by Anonymous
Cool! Thank you Zarek, I didn't see any harm in it either
I do think it’s a shame if some friendship can’t remain after a significant relationship. Although it’s not so common and I’ve not managed it
Original post by sananaina
yes thats perfect !!!!! let us know how it goes
Thank you, but now I'm hesitating. Most of my mates are telling me not to do it. I was planning to do it in the next couple of days, I'll let you know!!
Original post by Zarek
I do think it’s a shame if some friendship can’t remain after a significant relationship. Although it’s not so common and I’ve not managed it
Ah okay, sorry to hear that. Why weren't you able to manage it?
Original post by Anonymous
Ah okay, sorry to hear that. Why weren't you able to manage it?
Really because she didn’t want to. Generally, although not always, from what I’ve seen it once the passion has gone it’s difficult to resume friendship. Hope getting back in touch works out
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