Please mark my comprehension question

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some1oninternet
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Hello, I'm a student in Year 8 and I recently had an English exam and I think I didn't get a reasonable grade for this question.) I request if any of you would take the time to mark my comprehension question and give it a mark out of 15 and maybe on how I can improve my answer by any chance? Also, I think it should be obvious that English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if this is too hard to understand..

This is the piece of text: https://prnt.sc/26b5frl
The question was: 'In your own words, explain how the writer presented his impression of visiting to Naples. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotation.' (15 marks)
My exact answer was: 'I think that the author strongly expressed that he didn't enjoy his stay at the Naples. This is because, reason 1 being that: The Naples didn't reach up to his expectations. As the writer walked along the water front he wrote that "there was no sign of happy fishermen mending their nets and singing Santa Lucia." He was also disappointed to find that there were 'mountains of rubbish on every corner.' Despite this, an even worse presentation of the Naples would await him at the center. The writer felt lost, he writes "I felt as if I had wondered onto another continent." The writer continued to write how the people lived in poor conditions and that the Naples had one of the highest population densities in the world. He also had to worry about petty, delinquent theft that took place throughout.' I also added, 'Even before he took the ferry ride to the Naples, he was forced to pay for an extra day at the hotel due to bad weather, which caused him even more inconvenience.' For this answer I was awarded with 6/15 marks, could you please mark it for me and let me know on how I can improve and what mark you would give me? It would be a great help. Thank you.
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RLS.004
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(Original post by some1oninternet)
Hello, I'm a student in Year 8 and I recently had an English exam and I think I didn't get a reasonable grade for this question.) I request if any of you would take the time to mark my comprehension question and give it a mark out of 15 and maybe on how I can improve my answer by any chance? Also, I think it should be obvious that English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if this is too hard to understand..

This is the piece of text: https://prnt.sc/26b5frl
The question was: 'In your own words, explain how the writer presented his impression of visiting to Naples. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotation.' (15 marks)
My exact answer was: 'I think that the author strongly expressed that he didn't enjoy his stay at the Naples. This is because, reason 1 being that: The Naples didn't reach up to his expectations. As the writer walked along the water front he wrote that "there was no sign of happy fishermen mending their nets and singing Santa Lucia." He was also disappointed to find that there were 'mountains of rubbish on every corner.' Despite this, an even worse presentation of the Naples would await him at the center. The writer felt lost, he writes "I felt as if I had wondered onto another continent." The writer continued to write how the people lived in poor conditions and that the Naples had one of the highest population densities in the world. He also had to worry about petty, delinquent theft that took place throughout.' I also added, 'Even before he took the ferry ride to the Naples, he was forced to pay for an extra day at the hotel due to bad weather, which caused him even more inconvenience.' For this answer I was awarded with 6/15 marks, could you please mark it for me and let me know on how I can improve and what mark you would give me? It would be a great help. Thank you.
Hi! Honestly, I agree with the mark you were given for 2 reasons. 1. You didn't quite write enough. I have 25 mark questions and write 2 pages, for a 15 marker you will need a large paragraph at least. Don't forget you have to meet all the criteria for 15 marks and unless you are some sort of superhuman you need to write a little more than this. 2. Your answer is a good start but you should work on your sophistication when writing, 'the writer' this and 'the writer' that only demonstrates that you either aren't too sure about what to write or you don't know how else to begin a sentence. You could use instead 'there is a sense of feeling lost in this extract, as demonstrated by....' which will help your answer come across much more sophisticated. Finally, choose quotations wisely. A lot of the ones you used are not very relevant. Focus on words or phrases by themselves, rather than such large ones, and analyse them in detail, what they mean, what they convey, etc. This will make your point more relevant and enhance your argument. I hope this has helped.
Last edited by RLS.004; 4 months ago
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