I want to have children but not be married.

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Evan2002
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#1
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#1
I am 19 years old and my brother is 15. Our parents aren’t married but are still together. Personally, I want to have kids in the future but not be married. Yet, I do want to be in a longtime relationship with a woman. What criticism will I get for this? And is it okay for a man to think about children before marriage when it comes to thinking about a future or am I unreasonable?
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black tea
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#2
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#2
No criticism - we live in the 21st century. And yes, totally OK for a man to think about children and the future.
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Queenbee1323
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#3
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#3
It is normal to think about kids. About the marriage thing, I don't want to speak for all girls, but I would prefer to be married, it means something for me personally. But there could be girls who don't want marriage and just like you want to stay in a relationship. I don't think you would be criticised, it worked out for your parents, so nothing wrong with that
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burberry_butter
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#4
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Yeah, you could adopt or foster or use a surrogate
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Evan2002
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#5
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(Original post by burberry_butter)
Yeah, you could adopt or foster or use a surrogate
Well, unmarried people in relationships can have a child naturally. Unless you believe in you shouldn’t have sex before you get married, which if that is your view is perfectly fine.
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londonmyst
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#6
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#6
That's fine.
I'm a 26 year old female with a very similar attitude.
I'll be going down the ivf coparenting route and probably won't get married.

It is important to be totally honest with potential dates and coparents to ensure that you have compatible ambitions & lifestyle preferences.
Best to avoid getting closely involved with those girls who prefer to wait until marriage or come from a socially conservative background and have plans for an expensive engagement party/fancy wedding.
Good luck!
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burberry_butter
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#7
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(Original post by Evan2002)
Well, unmarried people in relationships can have a child naturally. Unless you believe in you shouldn’t have sex before you get married, which if that is your view is perfectly fine.
No ofc, I am fully aware of this, but OP, didn't seem like that's what he meant, and put greater emphasis on the kids part, and seemed like he isn't in a relationship rn. But ofc to freely co-parent a child conceived naturally is v common too in this day and age.
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Trinculo
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#8
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#8
I shall not see infants born into bast.ardy. What scarlet woman would you have bear them?
Last edited by Trinculo; 2 weeks ago
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KA_P
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#9
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(Original post by burberry_butter)
No ofc, I am fully aware of this, but OP, didn't seem like that's what he meant, and put greater emphasis on the kids part, and seemed like he isn't in a relationship rn. But ofc to freely co-parent a child conceived naturally is v common too in this day and age.
That was the OP's post you quoted though
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gracieee16
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#10
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#10
peoples have their own life goals and it's okay if you don't wanna become married but i think if you are together with someone for at least 3-5 years, that's probably the best time to have a baby.
but personally i'd wait until marriage but this is about you!!! so you do what makes you happy and good luck!!!!
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burberry_butter
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#11
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(Original post by KA_P)
That was the OP's post you quoted though
Yeah, I realised after. If that's what he wants then its cool too, no one cares
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Evan2002
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Trinculo)
I shall not see infants born into bast.ardy. What scarlet woman would you have bear them?
What’s wrong with it?
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Trinculo
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Evan2002)
What’s wrong with it?
The decline in moral fibre.
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Evan2002
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Trinculo)
The decline in moral fibre.
What do you mean by “moral fibre”.
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Evan2002
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Evan2002)
What do you mean by “moral fibre”.
You can still be committed to each other in a normal unmarried relationship without any adultery or promiscuity involved.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by Evan2002)
You can still be committed to each other in a normal unmarried relationship without any adultery or promiscuity involved.
Hello. Before marriage I would have sex, but I wouldn't have kids at all. But that's a preference, if you have another one then we should respect your decision.
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legit help
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Evan2002)
I am 19 years old and my brother is 15. Our parents aren’t married but are still together. Personally, I want to have kids in the future but not be married. Yet, I do want to be in a longtime relationship with a woman. What criticism will I get for this? And is it okay for a man to think about children before marriage when it comes to thinking about a future or am I unreasonable?
lol,its contradictory
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Joleee
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#18
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#18
i don't think you'll receive much criticism? lots of people do it :hmmmm2:

i will just point out relationships don't always last and it's easier to get out of one if you're not married. will you be happy to pay child support if that were to happen?
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Evan2002
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#19
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#19
(Original post by legit help)
lol,its contradictory
Yeah but lots of people have children unmarked now. It’s just there’s a lot of people who are just cynical and have old fashioned views.
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LexiLoo2
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#20
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#20
Many people do exactly that - have children and not get married.

That said, I don't see why you need to make this decision now i.e. in advance of meeting someone. You don't know how you'll feel once you meet someone (the right someone).
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