My girlfriend has really let herself go

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#1
So my girlfriend has let go of herself recently, she has lot of excess bodyfat and is in the region of 40% bodyfat. Personally for me excess bodyfat is my biggest turn off and i’m simple just far less attracted to her now.

She doesn’t really wear make up as a side effect of bad eating means she gets a lot of spots now and they are clearly visible and her face has become very puffy.

Iv tried to get her to be healthy but she just doesn’t care and ignores. But if I try to insist she starts crying saying i’m calling her fat. Iv started to get mocked by some other guys for being with her, normally I try to not let these things bother me but it’s happening a lot now so it’s started to get to me.

I’m super into fitness myself and it’s a big part of my life as I try so hard with it. So I have all the advice and info ready for her but she doesn’t want to. I love her personality and that’s what I feel in love with but with her looks have faded atm and she just doesn’t care. I’m just not physically attracted to her anymore, I hate being mocked for dating her. But i’m not really sure what to do as her personality is so pure and I know she really likes me too.

Can anyone offer me some advice on what to do?
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Anonymous #2
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#2
Can I ask how long you've been together for? Notice how you've said you like her & she likes you, but you haven't said you love her?
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Jess_Lomas
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#3
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#3
If you love each other theb it shouldn't matter how the other one looks
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cleveranimal56
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#4
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#4
She watch "Frozen" recently or something?
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Vapordave
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#5
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#5
Have you considered (or asked her) why? You're taking quite a self centred approach to her own health. Sudden weight changes are concerning for other reasons than other men teasing you for being with her?
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KA_P
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#6
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#6
Well wow.
First of all, she needs to be responsible for herself. She needs to want to do those things first. You don't force that on her.
Have you thought about why she's 'let herself go' (I don't like how you've phrased it sorry) ?
Have you talked to her if she's okay? That you're there for her if she needs to talk?
Who cares what other people think about your girlfriend or you? Why do you care? Do you care about material things like that or the person who you like?
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skejrjoen
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#7
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#7
Skimmed through it so my bad if I missed some things but
Your friends are crappy tell them to cut it out and stop
As long as your gf is healthy there isn’t really an issue imo
If you’re not physically attracted to her, break up with her or sit down and have a talk with her about it

Edit: adding on to as long as she’s healthy there isn’t an issue-
ask her if anything’s up bc of the sudden weight change + first thing is to know whether she’s healthy mentally/physically
Last edited by skejrjoen; 5 days ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by KA_P)
Well wow.
First of all, she needs to be responsible for herself. She needs to want to do those things first. You don't force that on her.
Have you thought about why she's 'let herself go' (I don't like how you've phrased it sorry) ?
Have you talked to her if she's okay? That you're there for her if she needs to talk?
Who cares what other people think about your girlfriend or you? Why do you care? Do you care about material things like that or the person who you like?
The reason why she let herself go is because she’s at uni and doesn’t want to cook so she eats out all the time now. I didn’t force anything on her I suggested it as her current bodyfat level is unhealthy and will 95% of the time shorten her life span. The reason I care about what they are saying is because they are making fun of me and to have no physical attraction isn’t really great for a relationship
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KA_P
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason why she let herself go is because she’s at uni and doesn’t want to cook so she eats out all the time now. I didn’t force anything on her I suggested it as her current bodyfat level is unhealthy and will 95% of the time shorten her life span. The reason I care about what they are saying is because they are making fun of me and to have no physical attraction isn’t really great for a relationship
Have you told her this? Maybe help her prepare some healthier meals?
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Anonymous #1
#10
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#10
(Original post by KA_P)
Have you told her this? Maybe help her prepare some healthier meals?
When I try to tell her, she starts crying saying i’m calling her fat. Like I don’t want to offend her so I just change the subject quickly
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choopydooduts
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
So my girlfriend has let go of herself recently, she has lot of excess bodyfat and is in the region of 40% bodyfat. Personally for me excess bodyfat is my biggest turn off and i’m simple just far less attracted to her now.

She doesn’t really wear make up as a side effect of bad eating means she gets a lot of spots now and they are clearly visible and her face has become very puffy.

Iv tried to get her to be healthy but she just doesn’t care and ignores. But if I try to insist she starts crying saying i’m calling her fat. Iv started to get mocked by some other guys for being with her, normally I try to not let these things bother me but it’s happening a lot now so it’s started to get to me.

I’m super into fitness myself and it’s a big part of my life as I try so hard with it. So I have all the advice and info ready for her but she doesn’t want to. I love her personality and that’s what I feel in love with but with her looks have faded atm and she just doesn’t care. I’m just not physically attracted to her anymore, I hate being mocked for dating her. But i’m not really sure what to do as her personality is so pure and I know she really likes me too.

Can anyone offer me some advice on what to do?
if your girlfriend gaining weight is enough for you to reconsider your relationship then you shouldn't be together in the first place.
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black tea
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason why she let herself go is because she’s at uni and doesn’t want to cook so she eats out all the time now. I didn’t force anything on her I suggested it as her current bodyfat level is unhealthy and will 95% of the time shorten her life span. The reason I care about what they are saying is because they are making fun of me and to have no physical attraction isn’t really great for a relationship
Well if you are bothered by being laughed at and are not attracted to her, you should probably break up and let her find someone who will be attracted to her...
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Lyonellez3
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Can I ask how long you've been together for? Notice how you've said you like her & she likes you, but you haven't said you love her?
This should be pinned.
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cleveranimal56
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Lyonellez3)
This should be pinned.
And highlighted.
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londonmyst
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#15
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#15
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.

It is fine to have attraction dealbreakers connected to body appearance, sexual compatibility and lifestyle choices.
Most sighted people are visual and do have some dealbreakers related to looks.
If all physical attraction has gone and you are now so ashamed of your gf that you don't believe that remaining in the relationship will bring anything positive to your life- you know what to do.

If you still have some physical attraction and are willing to help your gf get back in shape to improve her health & appearance- you need to have an honest and constructive discussion about how you feel.
Let her know how worried you are about the drastic changes in her mindset and daily lifestyle.
Maybe with some before & after photos.

Help her to eat a more healthy balanced diet that is mostly homecooked and served in reasonable portion sizes.
Invite her to come jogging and swimming with you.
Buy her gifts of perfume and makeup.
Start doing some daily online exercise workouts and after a few days invite her to join you.
If she is not willing to make any any effort to improve her diet & health or incorporate some positive changes into her daily routine- you will know that the two of you are no longer compatible and it is time to go your separate ways.
Good luck!
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Trinculo
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#16
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#16
Give her an ultimatum. Tell her she has a month to sort herself out, or you're going to yeet her.

If she can't respect herself, there's no future.
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Anonymous #2
#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason why she let herself go is because she’s at uni and doesn’t want to cook so she eats out all the time now. I didn’t force anything on her I suggested it as her current bodyfat level is unhealthy and will 95% of the time shorten her life span. The reason I care about what they are saying is because they are making fun of me and to have no physical attraction isn’t really great for a relationship
Perhaps think about the way you're talking to her about it. No one wants to have a science lesson. I'd probably also cry if someone was telling me my body fat level as opposed to just maybe offering to go the gym with me. Try be delicate with her.
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Gavin2016
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason why she let herself go is because she’s at uni and doesn’t want to cook so she eats out all the time now. I didn’t force anything on her I suggested it as her current bodyfat level is unhealthy and will 95% of the time shorten her life span. The reason I care about what they are saying is because they are making fun of me and to have no physical attraction isn’t really great for a relationship
Problem is it's all too easy and inducing to her whether it's all the appetising selection at a restaurant or the addictiveness of fast food. Added to that there may be the bs that sone students lap up of it being student 'culture' - the excuse. Now I had a take away or two when I was a student but most days I didn't and I never got fat. I always tended to go for the ready meals in the supermarkets and microwave them, takes minutes, just as convenient (can even use a plate to make it feel better) and its not too unhealthy or big a portion to get fat on, well not usually.

I think your gf may have a uphill battle, as you probably know, once she eats more, puts on fat it can be habit forming eating that kind of food plus possibly getting a larger gut so feeling the need to satisfy that.

You could suggest the convenience of ready meals as a better healthier alternative and draw her attention to the downsides of what she is doing but supposedly not wishing to realise the negatives that are inherently there whether she accepts it or not. You could tell her that continuing the way she us could wreak her life one way or another and that she may end up regretting the life it leads her to.

If she is still resistant it may be worth checking out other women. If you are heavily into fitness and she is not are you really that well suited? Possibly a girl who is into fitness may suit you more. There's loads of them around and of course they all hang out at the gym (or used to pre-virus) so you know where to go. Personality varies with people but you may well find another girl who's into fitness and also has a great personality.
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