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Conditioned to think inter-racial relationships are bad but I am in one

I am Indian and have been dating my white bf for over a year and we are very happy and both Christian so there is a similarity. I don't even know how but I ended up seeing many things online about race-mixing being bad and how people will judge me for it and now I get extremely paranoid about it and especially because I am Indian I see so many jokes about how Indian parents would never let their child have a white bf. But it is a reality for me and it slightly triggers me.... . I am in a extremely strict Indian community who all want arranged marriages and I do not.. does that make me weird and white-washed cos that is how i feel rn

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Original post by Anonymous
I am Indian and have been dating my white bf for over a year and we are very happy and both Christian so there is a similarity. I don't even know how but I ended up seeing many things online about race-mixing being bad and how people will judge me for it and now I get extremely paranoid about it and especially because I am Indian I see so many jokes about how Indian parents would never let their child have a white bf. But it is a reality for me and it slightly triggers me.... . I am in a extremely strict Indian community who all want arranged marriages and I do not.. does that make me weird and white-washed cos that is how i feel rn

No, it doesn't make you weird and whitewashed. Interracial relationships are rather common now.
Reply 2
Original post by sufys12
No, it doesn't make you weird and whitewashed. Interracial relationships are rather common now.

Then why I am the only Indian in my community that is dating someone white, I feel they all judge me
A European woman birthed me and I still get called white washed... people will talk there **** no matter who you are lol.

Who cares. Just focus on you and your bf and be in your own little world.
(edited 2 years ago)
I'm in an interracial relationship :smile: and we've not had any problems being judged or anything. I think it's rather fascinating learning about his culture and language! Though at the beginning I did feel quite insecure and worried a lot about what he thought and what others thought but with time you'll come to terms with it and see the positives! Of course I can't speak for your culture/community but I believe that as interracial relationships become more common they should get used to it? And even if they don't, it's your choice completely on who you date. What do your family think of your relationship?
Interracial babies are the cutest, just sayin
What other people think doesn't matter as long as you're happy in the relationship.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in an interracial relationship :smile: and we've not had any problems being judged or anything. I think it's rather fascinating learning about his culture and language! Though at the beginning I did feel quite insecure and worried a lot about what he thought and what others thought but with time you'll come to terms with it and see the positives! Of course I can't speak for your culture/community but I believe that as interracial relationships become more common they should get used to it? And even if they don't, it's your choice completely on who you date. What do your family think of your relationship?

I come from an extremely kept in Indian community, eg. my parents will only socialise with Indians. When they first found out they initially disowned me saying it is unnatural and wrong therefore that is where my paranoia of it all stems from. I just feel like i am the odd one out cos all their friend's kids somehow date people of their own culture and we live in a very white community. But we are happy together and the same religion and I can't see myself with anyone else
Try not to focus on other people's negativity or caste obsessions. :smile:
It is you & your partner's ambitions, relationship preferences and future life that are most important.

Different people have very different attraction breakers, beauty standards, attitudes towards family traditions and cultural preferences.
But always put your physical safety and listen to what your gut instinct is telling you.
Particularly if there is any history of violence within your household or criminality in recent generations of your family tree.
Good luck!
Reply 9
Original post by londonmyst
Try not to focus on other people's negativity or caste obsessions. :smile:
It is you & your partner's ambitions, relationship preferences and future life that are most important.

Different people have very different attraction breakers, beauty standards, attitudes towards family traditions and cultural preferences.
But always put your physical safety and listen to what your gut instinct is telling you.
Particularly if there is any history of violence within your household or criminality in recent generations of your family tree.
Good luck!

But all my family in India are all doctors with rich husbands chosen by their family. No one is like me they think I hate my culture cos of my bf
Original post by Anonymous
But all my family in India are all doctors with rich husbands chosen by their family. No one is like me they think I hate my culture cos of my bf

Their opinions and marriage choices are as relevant to your life as you allow them to be. :smile:

My own family tree has a very long history of early arranged marriages and centuries of religious endogamy on the maternal side.
I've turned down all arranged marriage approaches since I was a teenager and support interfaith relationships & marriages.
My mother and maternal grandmother support waiting until marriage, I don't.
I have no regrets about the choice I made and no time to waste on their grumbles or demands.
Good luck!
if you click with someone and you connect, it doesn't matter what their skin colour is.

But I think its wrong when black or asian people look for white partners as a status thing. Seems crazy, but I think that happens sometimes!
While I have no great desire to see increased ethno-cultural diversity, if you are both Christian and prepared to adopt British norms and abandon any loyalty to India and its culture in favour of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland then I am sure almost all of TSR would suggest that you should ignore those who would seek to hold back your integration as a Brit.

In short, your doing the right thing. Multiculturalism and immigrants/decedent's congregating together has generally harmed the nation so OP is a breath of fresh air.
Original post by londonmyst
Their opinions and marriage choices are as relevant to your life as you allow them to be. :smile:

My own family tree has a very long history of early arranged marriages and centuries of religious endogamy on the maternal side.
I've turned down all arranged marriage approaches since I was a teenager and support interfaith relationships & marriages.
My mother and maternal grandmother support waiting until marriage, I don't.
I have no regrets about the choice I made and no time to waste on their grumbles or demands.
Good luck!

If one may ask, what community is your mother from. It's unusual in the UK for a native to have an arranged marriage even proposed.
Original post by Rakas21
If one may ask, what community is your mother from. It's unusual in the UK for a native to have an arranged marriage even proposed.

British Caucausian.
My mother is descended from the Catesby gang.
She was raised in a brutal ultra-traditionalist catholic household with a medievalist mindset that rejected vatican ii (along with electricity, all other religious beliefs, vaccines, painkillers and secular sweets).
Almost beaten to death and then disowned in her early 20s for deciding to marry an atheist.

A lot of fringe churches and religious groups are still doing arranged marriages in the UK.
Including: fundamentalist christians, JWs, scientologists and the Unification Church (better known as the moonies).
Most try to be discrete to avoid attracting media scrutiny or the eye of the authorities.
Original post by Anonymous
But all my family in India are all doctors with rich husbands chosen by their family. No one is like me they think I hate my culture cos of my bf


Hey, I don't know if you're still struggling with this. But I'm also an Indian staying in the UK and dating a white man. It is initially hard, especially with cultures being very different, there are things here that are more accepted which strict Indian backgrounds aren't that accepting of. But it does get better over time, and it's about learning and figuring out a balance.

At the end of the day, your family loves you and wants the best for you. They want you to be happy, and if he makes you feel as happy and loved as that, then it is something they would accept. Even if that comes strings attached, like in my case it meant not being sexual or physical before getting married, from kissing to everything else.

I hope it works out for you :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Hey, I don't know if you're still struggling with this. But I'm also an Indian staying in the UK and dating a white man. It is initially hard, especially with cultures being very different, there are things here that are more accepted which strict Indian backgrounds aren't that accepting of. But it does get better over time, and it's about learning and figuring out a balance.

At the end of the day, your family loves you and wants the best for you. They want you to be happy, and if he makes you feel as happy and loved as that, then it is something they would accept. Even if that comes strings attached, like in my case it meant not being sexual or physical before getting married, from kissing to everything else.

I hope it works out for you :smile:

Hi
I dont mean to be rude to you at all. I think interracial relationship is fine, im an Indian girl and ive been on dates with white men too. And also asian.
I'm not saying you did this, or I did this, I'm just asking. Do you think it ever happens that asian or black people date white people cos they want the status of a white partner?
Original post by stickylikehoney
Hi
I dont mean to be rude to you at all. I think interracial relationship is fine, im an Indian girl and ive been on dates with white men too. And also asian.
I'm not saying you did this, or I did this, I'm just asking. Do you think it ever happens that asian or black people date white people cos they want the status of a white partner?

Don't worry that's not rude and it means a lot that you've gone out of your way to make sure your tone got across properly online, since its especially hard over text and I appreciate that.

Personally I don't, I'm pretty happy with being an Indian, and I've spent quite some time abroad before and lived in other countries too. I've dated men of other nationalities too including Indians, and it never had anything to do with things such as their status or what I could gain out of it. It's personally always been about their personality and how they make me feel and whether I was attracted to them overall and if they felt that way about me.

I would say that, I do understand that there are cases where things like that happen, and I guess that's normal even though not encourages, in today's society. Someone my friend knew (an Asian women) got married to one of her white friends who she did love even though not romantically, so that she could kind of get a visa for that, and be able to move out of her country because of her toxic family and closed environment. Everyone has different reasons for what they do, and I guess different people have different reasons for dating inter racially.
Original post by Anonymous
Don't worry that's not rude and it means a lot that you've gone out of your way to make sure your tone got across properly online, since its especially hard over text and I appreciate that.

Personally I don't, I'm pretty happy with being an Indian, and I've spent quite some time abroad before and lived in other countries too. I've dated men of other nationalities too including Indians, and it never had anything to do with things such as their status or what I could gain out of it. It's personally always been about their personality and how they make me feel and whether I was attracted to them overall and if they felt that way about me.

I would say that, I do understand that there are cases where things like that happen, and I guess that's normal even though not encourages, in today's society. Someone my friend knew (an Asian women) got married to one of her white friends who she did love even though not romantically, so that she could kind of get a visa for that, and be able to move out of her country because of her toxic family and closed environment. Everyone has different reasons for what they do, and I guess different people have different reasons for dating inter racially.

PRSOM
Original post by Anonymous
Don't worry that's not rude and it means a lot that you've gone out of your way to make sure your tone got across properly online, since its especially hard over text and I appreciate that.

Personally I don't, I'm pretty happy with being an Indian, and I've spent quite some time abroad before and lived in other countries too. I've dated men of other nationalities too including Indians, and it never had anything to do with things such as their status or what I could gain out of it. It's personally always been about their personality and how they make me feel and whether I was attracted to them overall and if they felt that way about me.

I would say that, I do understand that there are cases where things like that happen, and I guess that's normal even though not encourages, in today's society. Someone my friend knew (an Asian women) got married to one of her white friends who she did love even though not romantically, so that she could kind of get a visa for that, and be able to move out of her country because of her toxic family and closed environment. Everyone has different reasons for what they do, and I guess different people have different reasons for dating inter racially.

I know an Indian guy who only dated white women and then married a white woman.
My friend who is black married a white guy and she told me she didn't want to marry another black guy. I'm sure their love is genuine, but that means probs if her husband were black and had same personality she might not have gone for him.
I also know another Indian girl who told me she didn't want an Indian boyfriend and liked white men...
yeah so I think it does happen, sometimes, maybe with a bit of an undertone...

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