Moving in with Bf
Myself (17) and my boyfriend (18) are looking to rent an apartment in Southampton to coincide with his second year at university. This would involve me moving out and living about 100 miles away from my parents and to a place where I wouldn’t have any friends, which is one of my concerns that things would be too isolated. However I feel as though the whole issue has not been considered enough and that him especially is rushing into the decision. We have browsed some apartments, looked at the odd bit of furniture which is all good to do, but I am worried that renting so young, landlords will be very reluctant to allow us to rent due to lack of credit history or lack of employment history. My bf assures me that all will work and he will pay for some things from his student loan (key: LOAN- it will need to be repaid) but I can already see the vast majority of the financial burden falling on me. Are we both too young for such a huge commitment or am I overthinking things? Any advice is appreciated!!
Original post by IcEmAn911
I think your options might be very limited as landlords and estate agents will tend to run an affordability check and go over your finance situation to see if you can afford it. As you’re only 17 I assume you won’t have a full time job and you’ll only be studying?
I will be 18 when this whole plan of moving in will commence and I’ll have finished my A levels. Perhaps I should’ve made that clearer! Therefore I will be working, but still, I agree that the options will not be significant if I have only a little work and evidence of payslips before moving since I think the affordability check will fail.
Renting a flat for a year isn't a huge commitment - your bf is going to have to do it anyway, isn't he, since he is studying there? It's a bit of a red flag that he will pay for "some things" and is expecting you to provide most of the cash. He should be budgeting for living expenses just for him, and then the discussion is whether that can be adjusted to include you if you can provide some extra money.
Things you may not have considered:
As you will not be a student, you will be solely responsible for paying the council tax on the property. You should get a single person discount but it can still be a substantial amount of money.
Your payslips may not be any use as proof of income. You'll be moving 100 miles away from whatever job they are for so it will be obvious that you're about to not have that income. (Unless you work for a company which is flexible in that way?)
Things you may not have considered:
As you will not be a student, you will be solely responsible for paying the council tax on the property. You should get a single person discount but it can still be a substantial amount of money.
Your payslips may not be any use as proof of income. You'll be moving 100 miles away from whatever job they are for so it will be obvious that you're about to not have that income. (Unless you work for a company which is flexible in that way?)
Original post by skylark2
Renting a flat for a year isn't a huge commitment - your bf is going to have to do it anyway, isn't he, since he is studying there? It's a bit of a red flag that he will pay for "some things" and is expecting you to provide most of the cash. He should be budgeting for living expenses just for him, and then the discussion is whether that can be adjusted to include you if you can provide some extra money.
Things you may not have considered:
As you will not be a student, you will be solely responsible for paying the council tax on the property. You should get a single person discount but it can still be a substantial amount of money.
Your payslips may not be any use as proof of income. You'll be moving 100 miles away from whatever job they are for so it will be obvious that you're about to not have that income. (Unless you work for a company which is flexible in that way?)
Things you may not have considered:
As you will not be a student, you will be solely responsible for paying the council tax on the property. You should get a single person discount but it can still be a substantial amount of money.
Your payslips may not be any use as proof of income. You'll be moving 100 miles away from whatever job they are for so it will be obvious that you're about to not have that income. (Unless you work for a company which is flexible in that way?)
Thank you- I have actually considered the council tax and looking at general figures for the area it seems as though I’d be paying about £1300 per year. The tip about pay slips I hadn’t actually thought as far ahead- so technically I wouldn’t have any proof of income since the job wouldn’t be transferable to Southampton. It’s a lot to think about and I just worry I’m too young to be making all of these decisions.
It’s 100% your decision and I don’t cast judgment but personally, I would say absolutely no. You’re still so young, the housing market is insane at the moment, and you are going to be giving up a LOT to go with your boyfriend.
Of course, you want to be with him and go where he goes and that’s completely normal and fine - but is this really what you want in other aspects of your life? What do you want to do? Do you plan on going to university? Are you currently enrolled in college or sixth form? Do you have a dream career etc?
It sounds to me like you’re going to be leaving so much behind. He’s moving to go to university, he’ll be studying and enjoying uni life. What will you do? I understand that being in a relationship makes university difficult but I’m just worried that you’re supporting him so much - which is amazing - but that you perhaps aren’t thinking about your own future, your own career, the things that are going to change for you etc.
Would you not just travel down and stay with him some weeks/weekends?
I just feel like this such a huge commitment and a massive decision and move to make so young. I’m only a year older than you, I’m really independent and know I would be capable of living away from home if need be - and I’m sure you are too - but I can’t imagine making such a huge move like this. Again, if it’s what you want and you think you can financially manage it, then I say go for it! Just please make sure you’re not casting your own plans for the future aside to do this.
Best of luck to you!
Of course, you want to be with him and go where he goes and that’s completely normal and fine - but is this really what you want in other aspects of your life? What do you want to do? Do you plan on going to university? Are you currently enrolled in college or sixth form? Do you have a dream career etc?
It sounds to me like you’re going to be leaving so much behind. He’s moving to go to university, he’ll be studying and enjoying uni life. What will you do? I understand that being in a relationship makes university difficult but I’m just worried that you’re supporting him so much - which is amazing - but that you perhaps aren’t thinking about your own future, your own career, the things that are going to change for you etc.
Would you not just travel down and stay with him some weeks/weekends?
I just feel like this such a huge commitment and a massive decision and move to make so young. I’m only a year older than you, I’m really independent and know I would be capable of living away from home if need be - and I’m sure you are too - but I can’t imagine making such a huge move like this. Again, if it’s what you want and you think you can financially manage it, then I say go for it! Just please make sure you’re not casting your own plans for the future aside to do this.
Best of luck to you!
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. 
If you don't feel comfortable thinking about moving in with him or don't want to share rental accomodation with anyone else- that's fine.
Will you both be full time uni students or will one of you be working/doing something else?
Best thing to do is save up as much cash as you can to finance your future accomodation costs and increase your options as regards holding deposits & upfront rental payments.
Many estate agents & lettings agencies ask potential tenants to provide a guarantor, proof of savings, direct employer confirmation of income and last 3 months copies of bank statements.
Good luck!
If you don't feel comfortable thinking about moving in with him or don't want to share rental accomodation with anyone else- that's fine.
Will you both be full time uni students or will one of you be working/doing something else?
Best thing to do is save up as much cash as you can to finance your future accomodation costs and increase your options as regards holding deposits & upfront rental payments.
Many estate agents & lettings agencies ask potential tenants to provide a guarantor, proof of savings, direct employer confirmation of income and last 3 months copies of bank statements.
Good luck!
Original post by ameliap21
It’s 100% your decision and I don’t cast judgment but personally, I would say absolutely no. You’re still so young, the housing market is insane at the moment, and you are going to be giving up a LOT to go with your boyfriend.
Of course, you want to be with him and go where he goes and that’s completely normal and fine - but is this really what you want in other aspects of your life? What do you want to do? Do you plan on going to university? Are you currently enrolled in college or sixth form? Do you have a dream career etc?
It sounds to me like you’re going to be leaving so much behind. He’s moving to go to university, he’ll be studying and enjoying uni life. What will you do? I understand that being in a relationship makes university difficult but I’m just worried that you’re supporting him so much - which is amazing - but that you perhaps aren’t thinking about your own future, your own career, the things that are going to change for you etc.
Would you not just travel down and stay with him some weeks/weekends?
I just feel like this such a huge commitment and a massive decision and move to make so young. I’m only a year older than you, I’m really independent and know I would be capable of living away from home if need be - and I’m sure you are too - but I can’t imagine making such a huge move like this. Again, if it’s what you want and you think you can financially manage it, then I say go for it! Just please make sure you’re not casting your own plans for the future aside to do this.
Best of luck to you!
Of course, you want to be with him and go where he goes and that’s completely normal and fine - but is this really what you want in other aspects of your life? What do you want to do? Do you plan on going to university? Are you currently enrolled in college or sixth form? Do you have a dream career etc?
It sounds to me like you’re going to be leaving so much behind. He’s moving to go to university, he’ll be studying and enjoying uni life. What will you do? I understand that being in a relationship makes university difficult but I’m just worried that you’re supporting him so much - which is amazing - but that you perhaps aren’t thinking about your own future, your own career, the things that are going to change for you etc.
Would you not just travel down and stay with him some weeks/weekends?
I just feel like this such a huge commitment and a massive decision and move to make so young. I’m only a year older than you, I’m really independent and know I would be capable of living away from home if need be - and I’m sure you are too - but I can’t imagine making such a huge move like this. Again, if it’s what you want and you think you can financially manage it, then I say go for it! Just please make sure you’re not casting your own plans for the future aside to do this.
Best of luck to you!
Thank you so much for your response! I am finishing sixth form this year and afterwards I will be on a gap year where I will be working. My dream career is something legal based by the way. But beyond that I would like to go to university- which my boyfriend assumes will be Southampton, so I’d be attending the same one as him, but I don’t think he’s given much thought to the prospect that I’d want to consider other universities- he assumes I’d apply only to Southampton so it’s the easiest for us to be near one another. But what if I want to apply elsewhere? I agree I would be giving up an awful lot and it’s a huge change, one where I would be casting my own plans aside for his benefit a bit too much.
Original post by londonmyst
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
If you don't feel comfortable thinking about moving in with him or don't want to share rental accomodation with anyone else- that's fine.
Will you both be full time uni students or will one of you be working/doing something else?
Best thing to do is save up as much cash as you can to finance your future accomodation costs and increase your options as regards holding deposits & upfront rental payments.
Many estate agents & lettings agencies ask potential tenants to provide a guarantor, proof of savings, direct employer confirmation of income and last 3 months copies of bank statements.
Good luck!
If you don't feel comfortable thinking about moving in with him or don't want to share rental accomodation with anyone else- that's fine.
Will you both be full time uni students or will one of you be working/doing something else?
Best thing to do is save up as much cash as you can to finance your future accomodation costs and increase your options as regards holding deposits & upfront rental payments.
Many estate agents & lettings agencies ask potential tenants to provide a guarantor, proof of savings, direct employer confirmation of income and last 3 months copies of bank statements.
Good luck!
He would be a full time uni student and I would be working. I feel as though we are just too young and will not have sufficient credit history, as well as the fact that I’d have to locate a new job so the previous job’s pay slips wouldn’t prove much, since I’d be moving 100 miles away and have to start a new job. I also feel like too much of the financial burden would be on me and the last thing I’d want to do is for us to fall into difficulties- but I’d want a balance where I’m not working myself to death merely to get by each month!
Whoa, hang on. I was assuming that you weren't going to uni (which is fine) and this is the start of your life after education together.
It's actually your gap year, you want to go to uni afterwards, and he's assuming that you'll follow him wherever he goes like a good little wifey? No. Just no. Spend your gap year doing what you want to do instead of funding his accomodation (doing his housekeeping?). Apply to five universities, not one. Only make Southampton your first choice if you really want to go there because of the course and the location, not because bf is there, that's irrelevant at this point.
It's sounding more and more to me as if he thinks it sounds like a great idea and you really don't think it is. It doesn't sound as if he's considered what is in your best interests at all.
Say no. Have a lovely gap year which involves visiting him occasionally without financial commitment. Apply to your dream uni. If your relationship is meant to be, it will survive. If not, then it doesn't matter anyway.
It's actually your gap year, you want to go to uni afterwards, and he's assuming that you'll follow him wherever he goes like a good little wifey? No. Just no. Spend your gap year doing what you want to do instead of funding his accomodation (doing his housekeeping?). Apply to five universities, not one. Only make Southampton your first choice if you really want to go there because of the course and the location, not because bf is there, that's irrelevant at this point.
It's sounding more and more to me as if he thinks it sounds like a great idea and you really don't think it is. It doesn't sound as if he's considered what is in your best interests at all.
Say no. Have a lovely gap year which involves visiting him occasionally without financial commitment. Apply to your dream uni. If your relationship is meant to be, it will survive. If not, then it doesn't matter anyway.
Original post by zootedarmadillo
student loan (key: LOAN- it will need to be repaid)
Yes and no. Most won't come anywhere near to paying it off.
Original post by zootedarmadillo
Are we both too young for such a huge commitment
Imo, absolutely (not to be moving away from parents necessarily, but to be moving in together as a couple). Stay at home (or travel, or whatever you want to do) during your gap year, apply to the unis you want to apply to and if the relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It is your life and you shouldn't be having to compromise at this critical stage in your life for a the sake of a relationship which may well not last.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by zootedarmadillo
Thank you so much for your response! I am finishing sixth form this year and afterwards I will be on a gap year where I will be working. My dream career is something legal based by the way. But beyond that I would like to go to university- which my boyfriend assumes will be Southampton, so I’d be attending the same one as him, but I don’t think he’s given much thought to the prospect that I’d want to consider other universities- he assumes I’d apply only to Southampton so it’s the easiest for us to be near one another. But what if I want to apply elsewhere? I agree I would be giving up an awful lot and it’s a huge change, one where I would be casting my own plans aside for his benefit a bit too much.
There is definitely a lot to think about! I’d say to just really carefully consider and weigh up your options. You’ll want to be spending your gap year working on your own progression, not just his, and this may require visiting various university’s campuses. You might find the support of your family or the ease of living at home really helps you through these things. Maybe discuss it with somebody you trust and make a pros and cons list to help decide!
Y don't u do the Martin Lewis thing and sit down together and jointly create a spreadsheet of xpenses including all bills and other necessities? Add the xpenses up and allocate them with initials or divide the total and do the same. If u can't meet the xpected xpenses then u and he have no business moving in together. If u can then it will rlly help ur rel if all this is agreed in hard figures up front before u move.
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