my boyfriends interests

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bleepbloopb
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#1
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#1
recently i have started dating a boy and we share some interests together but he always expects me to watch things he likes but never gives stuff i like a go.. and it kinda makes me sad because i wanna share the things i love with him! but i haven’t bothered yet because he told me that his ex girlfriend used to be mean to him about not liking her interests what should i do ;.;
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KA_P
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#2
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#2
(Original post by bleepbloopb)
recently i have started dating a boy and we share some interests together but he always expects me to watch things he likes but never gives stuff i like a go.. and it kinda makes me sad because i wanna share the things i love with him! but i haven’t bothered yet because he told me that his ex girlfriend used to be mean to him about not liking her interests what should i do ;.;
Talk to him. Even though he did go through that, you're not his ex. He needs to compromise as much as you have.
It's not a one-sided relationship.
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Anonymous #1
#3
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#3
Any relationship has to work fairly both ways
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j25_8
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#4
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#4
(Original post by bleepbloopb)
recently i have started dating a boy and we share some interests together but he always expects me to watch things he likes but never gives stuff i like a go.. and it kinda makes me sad because i wanna share the things i love with him! but i haven’t bothered yet because he told me that his ex girlfriend used to be mean to him about not liking her interests what should i do ;.;
Plainly ask him why he never wants to do anything you want to do. Is it because he thinks it’s boring? Or he just can’t be bothered? Does he dislike it? Does he think he won’t be good at it?

Listen to what he says and then tell him the reason you’re asking him is because {insert your feelings about how he never wants to try your activities} and then try and make a compromise. Tbh he should at least be making an effort to try what you want you know? Even if it’s not a good one. But right now he’s not trying at all - he’s just not doing it. Tell him that’s something you don’t think is fair and tell him why it upsets you. You can let him know that you’re willing to start small if you want. Like, you can both try 2 things he wants every week and then both of you can also try 1 thing that you want every week. That will show you that he’s willing to try. Talk to him with that in mind and see what happens
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Muttly
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#5
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#5
The big red flag is 'My ex used to be mean to him for not liking her interests'

You are seeing a pattern of behaviour here that is so self centred that any relationship has to revolve about his needs, his wishes, his decisions? You don't get a look in.

Considering this is a new relationship? He has set the ground rules by not thinking about you, not considering your interests or likes etc and no matter how you flower this one up he is not going to change. You are there to support him totally. In fact the imbalance in this relationship will only get worse. You will end up blaming yourself for not being good enough, or worse make excuses to blame you not giving enough of yourself to him. You will not change someone of this mindset. If you try to change him, he will in all probability get narked and will turn it back onto you doing something wrong etc. He will wear you down and you will lose confidence.

Get out now while you are in a good place and when you get a moment look at the behaviour profile of a typical 'narcissist'
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candydiva
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#6
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#6
This concept of being obligated to invest in one another's interests as part of a "complete" rel is puzzling to me coz it's often counterproductive and irl never works.

Each partner has a different level of xpected investment and when reciprocity isn't found then the unfairness creeps in. Like here.

Girl u need to take this bull by the horns. Don't be emotional coz guys don't dig that and u won't advance to a construtive sol if u do so. Instead u can say to him "Dude I spent x hours this week investing myself in things u like. U spent 0 hours investing in things I like. This is not working. I luv u and don't want to make this a barrier between us but it could become so unless we address it. So the deal is, next week you will invest x hours in my interests where x is the hours I invest in urs this week. We r gonna keep a log so that we both know the score. If u don't want to do this or it doesn't work then we need to move to zero each. I give u ur space and u give me mine for my interests and we respect one another for it."
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j25_8
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#7
Report 3 months ago
#7
(Original post by Muttly)
The big red flag is 'My ex used to be mean to him for not liking her interests'

You are seeing a pattern of behaviour here that is so self centred that any relationship has to revolve about his needs, his wishes, his decisions? You don't get a look in.

Considering this is a new relationship? He has set the ground rules by not thinking about you, not considering your interests or likes etc and no matter how you flower this one up he is not going to change. You are there to support him totally. In fact the imbalance in this relationship will only get worse. You will end up blaming yourself for not being good enough, or worse make excuses to blame you not giving enough of yourself to him. You will not change someone of this mindset. If you try to change him, he will in all probability get narked and will turn it back onto you doing something wrong etc. He will wear you down and you will lose confidence.

Get out now while you are in a good place and when you get a moment look at the behaviour profile of a typical 'narcissist'
Yes, OP - do absolutely anything but communicate👍🏼
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