Teacher was a ***** and I don't know what to do about it

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Ashie666
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#1
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#1
So I was in an area of the school with my friend who takes a subject there and a teacher walked in on us while she was asking for my advice on her project (we weren't breaking any school rules) when the teacher asked her who I was. She took down info about me like my name, why I was there and whatever, kinda normal ig but unnecessary (I'm a sixth former so it's not as suspicious as a year 7 walking around). I found this weird as no other teacher had ever done this but didn't pay attention to it.

Long story short, she then asked my friend if I was going to steal from the class or going to do drugs in class, she didn't seem like she was joking and didn't even look in my direction throughout the conversation. When my friend replied with no to both questions, the teacher made a comment about me doing drugs later/outside of school, something along the lines of "oh, so they do drugs outside of school only then".

As anyone else would be, I was upset. I kept quiet but my friend and I looked at each other with wide eyes as the teacher walked away after giving me a dirty look. There's been rumours about me being a druggie in the past as I was pressured into getting drunk once at fifteen and was recorded passing out💀 but that's besides the point.

I don't know if these questions were inappropriate but to put it bluntly, I'm upset. Especially as five minutes later a group of children called me a slur, like usual.

Do you guys think what the teacher did was inappropriate? Would it be worth it to talk to another teacher about it even though I doubt they'd do anything? I feel like I'm overreacting to the whole situation but it's a touchy subject and brings back very unpleasant memories, also damaged my self esteem ngl.
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jayls
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#2
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#2
You’re not overreacting. It’s definitely unacceptable for a teacher to be talking about you like that, especially one that doesn’t even know you. I’d say it’s definitely worth telling another teacher/member of staff, although I’m not sure how much they would be able to do.
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black tea
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#3
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(Original post by Ashie666)
Would it be worth it to talk to another teacher about it even though I doubt they'd do anything?
I would, personally.
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EVRoosevelt
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#4
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#4
First off, I'm really sorry that this happened to you - it shouldn't have done. This teacher was horrible, and I hope it eases your mind a little to know that they were 100% in the wrong. Lots of people get drunk when they're in Year 10 and 11; for a teacher to hold it against you would be particularly unusual - if this teacher has done so, then that's completely wrong of them, too, because presumably they haven't held it against everyone else?! Furthermore, teachers ought to understand better than anyone the concept of peer pressure. In short, irrespective of what I've written below, I'd report this teacher to the Head of Sixth Form, the Headteacher of the school, or to a teacher you trust.

Now, you mention that a group of children called you a slur (and again, I'm very sorry that you had to endure this - it's disgusting on their part, and there's no wonder that you'd feel a hit to your self esteem), which leads me to wonder if you're a minority ethnic student - or whether you meant a different sort of slur, e.g. a homophobic slur. The only reason I ask this is that, if you are a minority ethnic student, then this teacher could have racially profiled you. The idea that everyone who isn't White is a drug-taker, or a thief, is prevalent amongst racists, as one of their disgusting stereotypes. If you are minority ethnic, was the friend you were with a white student? If so, and the teacher directed their questions to them, and not to you, this gets even worse, as it's as though this teacher trusts your friend to tell the truth, and not you.

If you feel you have been racially profiled, please find a teacher you trust, and talk to them. It's not right. If you're not minority ethnic, and I've gone off on a silly tangent, this teacher's behaviour was still improper, and needs to be reported, in my mind.
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Ashie666
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#5
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#5
(Original post by jayls)
You’re not overreacting. It’s definitely unacceptable for a teacher to be talking about you like that, especially one that doesn’t even know you. I’d say it’s definitely worth telling another teacher/member of staff, although I’m not sure how much they would be able to do.
Ah, thank you so much for commenting, it means a lot. I don't have faith in the school so I think I'll just steer clear of that area for the rest of my time in school but will report it if something happens again.
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Ashie666
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#6
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#6
(Original post by EVRoosevelt)
First off, I'm really sorry that this happened to you - it shouldn't have done. This teacher was horrible, and I hope it eases your mind a little to know that they were 100% in the wrong. Lots of people get drunk when they're in Year 10 and 11; for a teacher to hold it against you would be particularly unusual - if this teacher has done so, then that's completely wrong of them, too, because presumably they haven't held it against everyone else?! Furthermore, teachers ought to understand better than anyone the concept of peer pressure. In short, irrespective of what I've written below, I'd report this teacher to the Head of Sixth Form, the Headteacher of the school, or to a teacher you trust.

Now, you mention that a group of children called you a slur (and again, I'm very sorry that you had to endure this - it's disgusting on their part, and there's no wonder that you'd feel a hit to your self esteem), which leads me to wonder if you're a minority ethnic student - or whether you meant a different sort of slur, e.g. a homophobic slur. The only reason I ask this is that, if you are a minority ethnic student, then this teacher could have racially profiled you. The idea that everyone who isn't White is a drug-taker, or a thief, is prevalent amongst racists, as one of their disgusting stereotypes. If you are minority ethnic, was the friend you were with a white student? If so, and the teacher directed their questions to them, and not to you, this gets even worse, as it's as though this teacher trusts your friend to tell the truth, and not you.

If you feel you have been racially profiled, please find a teacher you trust, and talk to them. It's not right. If you're not minority ethnic, and I've gone off on a silly tangent, this teacher's behaviour was still improper, and needs to be reported, in my mind.
Thank you so much for replying, this whole situation has left me feeling kind of bitter. What's funny is that one of her favourite students is one of the people who pressured me and drinks often which I don't judge her for, it's her choice but if someone is going to be nasty to me about something and not treat someone else who did the same in the same way, that frustrates me.

My friend and I are both white but I'm queer and fit into your stereotype of a lesbian (I'm non-binary though) with short hair and a rather gender-neutral appearance and I live in an area that's not very accepting of queer people (gay marriage was only made legal in 2016 here). Your tangent wasn't silly, I agree that had I been of an ethnic minority, that would have been something to consider.

I don't really know if I should report her or not, I do agree with most of the commentators telling me to do so but my fear is having my parents called in or not being taken seriously which would probably make me feel worse about it than I do now.
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gjd800
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#7
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#7
It is unacceptable and I'd be speaking to a head or the safeguarding lead about teachers casting such aspersions.
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EVRoosevelt
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Ashie666)
Thank you so much for replying, this whole situation has left me feeling kind of bitter. What's funny is that one of her favourite students is one of the people who pressured me and drinks often which I don't judge her for, it's her choice but if someone is going to be nasty to me about something and not treat someone else who did the same in the same way, that frustrates me.

My friend and I are both white but I'm queer and fit into your stereotype of a lesbian (I'm non-binary though) with short hair and a rather gender-neutral appearance and I live in an area that's not very accepting of queer people (gay marriage was only made legal in 2016 here). Your tangent wasn't silly, I agree that had I been of an ethnic minority, that would have been something to consider.

I don't really know if I should report her or not, I do agree with most of the commentators telling me to do so but my fear is having my parents called in or not being taken seriously which would probably make me feel worse about it than I do now.
No problem Of course, it's a really unpleasant situation to be in. You're right, it's completely frustrating (and not to mention unjust) that she'd single you out for something that she's otherwise taken no notice of. That's wrong in and of itself, and I'd think it reportable.

Right, it's useful to know that - she could very easily be prejudiced, which seems the most likely thing - why else would she have been so unfair? I'm sorry to hear that you live in a place that isn't very acceptant, it must be really difficult, and scary, at times. I'm queer too, but I'm also a cis guy living in the UK, so I have things quite easy.

With regard to reporting it, it really comes down to what's best for you. This teacher definitely deserves reporting, 100%, but if doing so would make things harder for you, it might be easier not to. As a queer person in a difficult place you've got to always put your wellbeing first Would it be a problem if your parents were called in? Are they supportive of you, or not, or aren't you out to them? I think that if your headteacher/head of sixth form isn't NBphobic, they'd be on your side. What are the chances of this? In short, do you think the people that have the power to do something would do something, or would they be NBphobic?

The reason I ask so many questions is just to try and understand a bit more about the potential risks of the situation. If this had happened at my sixth form, I wouldn't have even had to think - I could have just reported it, knowing the teachers would be on my side, which, I acknowledge, is a very privileged position to be in. If reporting this could make this teacher meaner to you, it might be best to leave it. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this
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Ashie666
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#9
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#9
My parents know but my mum isn't supportive and it's treated as taboo in my family, if they find out what happened, I'll probably be in trouble. I think I'm just going to leave it because the situation could easily turn quite nasty although I wish I could do something about it. I might try to talk to a teacher I trust. I really appreciate you for reading this and giving me advice though.

In reality, I'm not that upset by that incident in particular, it's just everything in general and that was what made me snap. I'm used to all the homophobia and have been for years but things have been getting worse and having a teacher treat me badly and not just students affected me in a negative way but I'll just get over it.

Thank you again for everything
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Napp
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Ashie666)
So I was in an area of the school with my friend who takes a subject there and a teacher walked in on us while she was asking for my advice on her project (we weren't breaking any school rules) when the teacher asked her who I was. She took down info about me like my name, why I was there and whatever, kinda normal ig but unnecessary (I'm a sixth former so it's not as suspicious as a year 7 walking around). I found this weird as no other teacher had ever done this but didn't pay attention to it.

Long story short, she then asked my friend if I was going to steal from the class or going to do drugs in class, she didn't seem like she was joking and didn't even look in my direction throughout the conversation. When my friend replied with no to both questions, the teacher made a comment about me doing drugs later/outside of school, something along the lines of "oh, so they do drugs outside of school only then".

As anyone else would be, I was upset. I kept quiet but my friend and I looked at each other with wide eyes as the teacher walked away after giving me a dirty look. There's been rumours about me being a druggie in the past as I was pressured into getting drunk once at fifteen and was recorded passing out💀 but that's besides the point.

I don't know if these questions were inappropriate but to put it bluntly, I'm upset. Especially as five minutes later a group of children called me a slur, like usual.

Do you guys think what the teacher did was inappropriate? Would it be worth it to talk to another teacher about it even though I doubt they'd do anything? I feel like I'm overreacting to the whole situation but it's a touchy subject and brings back very unpleasant memories, also damaged my self esteem ngl.
Certainly rude, possibly bordering inappropriate but i doubt its discipline worthy tbh, imo a waste of time following it up and something you should move on from. Unless said teacher does it again then by all means go to the head master. Otherwise, getting your parents to make a formal complaint usually generates better resulkts, that sort of publicity 'teacher accuses student of being a junkie' tends to get better action than a student complaining,..

that all being said, given your last paragraph, i assume you have a history here which the teacher knows about? In which case drawing attention to it would be ill advised in ones opinion.

What does the highlighted bit have to do with the teracher incident?
Last edited by Napp; 3 months ago
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EVRoosevelt
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Ashie666)
My parents know but my mum isn't supportive and it's treated as taboo in my family, if they find out what happened, I'll probably be in trouble. I think I'm just going to leave it because the situation could easily turn quite nasty although I wish I could do something about it. I might try to talk to a teacher I trust. I really appreciate you for reading this and giving me advice though.

In reality, I'm not that upset by that incident in particular, it's just everything in general and that was what made me snap. I'm used to all the homophobia and have been for years but things have been getting worse and having a teacher treat me badly and not just students affected me in a negative way but I'll just get over it.

Thank you again for everything
I'm sorry to hear that - it must be super hard to deal with. Hopefully, she and the rest of your family will get better with time. I've read accounts from quite a few people on TSR whose parents don't accept them, or don't fully accept them, and then really grow to understand, with time!

Okay, that sounds sensible. If you do have a teacher you could just talk to just to vent a bit, that might help, even if you didn't want them to take action

Of course, it's totally understandable. No-one should have to go through discriminatory treatment of any kind. Perhaps in the future you could move to somewhere more acceptant - then at least you'll have that to look forward to

No problem, I'm only sorry that this situation didn't end more satisfyingly for you. Best wishes with everything
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