How do I loose feelings for my ex?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
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Anonymous #2
#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
I’m in the same position too
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benj99
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#3
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#3
Have a good shag with someone else.
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charly-john
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
It might just need time. It doesn’t seem like it now but eventually it will be easier. You may never stop loving him but you’ll learn to live with it. Maybe in the future you’ll find someone better and you’ll fall for them instead. Maybe also think about why you broke up, and see if you can realise why it didn’t work and why you need to move on.
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zuluwarrior7650
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#5
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#5
untie him
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j25_8
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#6
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#6
Do you think a guy that no longer loves you is better for you than a couple billion other guys out there?
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sarah2912
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
It's been 4 years. You have both changed a lot. Unless you're still friends with him/talking to him regularly, it's likely that you're still in love with the idea of him rather than him as a person.

Spend time developing other relationships. You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to, but meeting other potential partners might help you realise what's out there. You don't have to do that to move on, though. Build relationships within your circle, and make new friends.

Pick up new hobbies or revisit old ones. Plan ahead for future studies or a career. Put you first.

Through all of this, allow yourself to feel how you feel. Don't try and repress your feelings, it only usually serves to make them worse. Notice that the feelings are there, and try and identify when they feel worse. Let your friends know you're struggling if you feel it would help. Maybe some of them can relate!

I hope any of this is useful. It will get easier, I promise. All the best
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Sandpoet
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in the same position too
I've been divorced 12 years and I'm still in love with my ex. I even don't care that she cheated.
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Surnia
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
So why did you split up?
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Denis Ross
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
You should try to find an interesting occupation or job and then I think you won't have much time to think about him. I am so over my ex-girlfriend.
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Anonymous #1
#11
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#11
(Original post by benj99)
Have a good shag with someone else.
I’ve already tried that
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Anonymous #1
#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in the same position too
Oh okay. I honestly sometimes feel like it’s just me in this position
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Anonymous #1
#13
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#13
(Original post by Surnia)
So why did you split up?
He wanted to focus on his mental health and get it better and it was also because of the distance
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Anonymous #1
#14
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#14
(Original post by sarah2912)
It's been 4 years. You have both changed a lot. Unless you're still friends with him/talking to him regularly, it's likely that you're still in love with the idea of him rather than him as a person.

Spend time developing other relationships. You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to, but meeting other potential partners might help you realise what's out there. You don't have to do that to move on, though. Build relationships within your circle, and make new friends.

Pick up new hobbies or revisit old ones. Plan ahead for future studies or a career. Put you first.

Through all of this, allow yourself to feel how you feel. Don't try and repress your feelings, it only usually serves to make them worse. Notice that the feelings are there, and try and identify when they feel worse. Let your friends know you're struggling if you feel it would help. Maybe some of them can relate!

I hope any of this is useful. It will get easier, I promise. All the best
He’s got back in contact twice saying he missed me one of the times I was with someone else and I thought I was over my ex, but I realised I wasn’t so broke up with that guy. The second time he had a girlfriend himself and he said he missed me and wanted to see me, but I didn’t want to admit I still missed him
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sarah2912
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
He’s got back in contact twice saying he missed me one of the times I was with someone else and I thought I was over my ex, but I realised I wasn’t so broke up with that guy. The second time he had a girlfriend himself and he said he missed me and wanted to see me, but I didn’t want to admit I still missed him
You could reach out and see if he still feels the same way, but I saw another commenter suggest that you consider why you broke up in the first place. I agree with them - missing each other isn't a good enough reason to get back together. Have the issues that led to your breakup been resolved?

Also, you said he reached out to you while he had a girlfriend. That's a red flag to me. It's natural to be flattered by a comment like that, but I'm not sure how you could trust him. You might have heard the phrase "if they do it with you, they can do it to you".

Think really carefully about how you proceed. There are so many people out there to meet. What's so special about this one?
Last edited by sarah2912; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by sarah2912)
You could reach out and see if he still feels the same way, but I saw another commenter suggest that you consider why you broke up in the first place. I agree with them - missing each other isn't a good enough reason to get back together. Have the issues that led to your breakup been resolved?

Also, you said he reached out to you while he had a girlfriend. That's a red flag to me. It's natural to be flattered by a comment like that, but I'm not sure how you could trust him. You might have heard the phrase "if they do it with you, they can do it to you".

Think really carefully about how you proceed. There are so many people out there to meet. What's so special about this one?
He is still with his girlfriend they haven’t been together that long though he only reached out about 3 months ago. I wouldn’t want to message him as he’s still with her. He’s special as no one has made me feel the way he did and I’ve never had feelings for someone as strong as the feelings I had for him. When we first met it was like love at first sight we liked each other instantly
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Surnia
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
He wanted to focus on his mental health and get it better and it was also because of the distance
So why do you say you love him when you went along with this? In a strong partnership you'd support each other through the tough times, and when you're apart.

How long were you together for and how much time did you actually have together, if you say distance was a problem?
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sarah2912
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
He is still with his girlfriend they haven’t been together that long though he only reached out about 3 months ago. I wouldn’t want to message him as he’s still with her. He’s special as no one has made me feel the way he did and I’ve never had feelings for someone as strong as the feelings I had for him. When we first met it was like love at first sight we liked each other instantly
That's a huge red flag. My theory is that either he got cold feet in his new relationship and turned to you for familiarity, or he wanted to be unfaithful. Neither of which are desirable qualities.

You will have that feeling with someone else. That's not something special or unique to him.

Sorry to be harsh, but I spent way too long in your position pining after people like this and I wish I hadn't. I'm in a relationship now, but it's exhausting having that fantasy of getting back with an ex partner or fling!
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tsparktae
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve tried everything and I honestly think I’m always going to love him it’s been 4 years and I’m still just as in love with him as I was when we were together
I feel the same but you have to erase them from your mind and delete all good memories you had like photos and messages to forget them. Write a list about all the things you disliked about them.
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Bristolbb
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#20
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#20
Do you actively think about him everyday?

If you are ruminating about someone and it becomes a habit or addiction it can actively prevent you from moving on even if you’re actually in a good place to.
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