Why do guys approach me and talk to me but never pursue ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
I get approached from time to time and things usually are ok, we’ll message for a bit then things just die. I find this happens with acquaintances too. No one ever really reaches out to me to hang out and it kinda sucks given I’m at university.
I’m starting to think I’m socially inept or something.
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meaty
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I get approached from time to time and things usually are ok, we’ll message for a bit then things just die. I find this happens with acquaintances too. No one ever really reaches out to me to hang out and it kinda sucks given I’m at university.
I’m starting to think I’m socially inept or something.
I went out with a girl who kept messaging things like "Hi how are you" so annoying, nothing interesting to say. Do you bring any interesting topics or laughs to the table?
Last edited by meaty; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by meaty)
I went out with a girl who kept messaging things like "Hi how are you" so annoying, nothing interesting to say. Do you bring any interesting topics or laughs to the table?
No probably not but I am aware of this. I don’t know how to change it. I generally suck at messaging espc if I don’t know the person
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username155270
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#4
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#4
I think it’s because guys like this usually have a lot of options when it comes to girls ...phone full of girls. You have to stand out from the the crowd somehow and make him want to contact you first.
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Surnia
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#5
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#5
Why are you limiting things to messaging? I met a guy at work and we went on our first dates 4 days later. He's now my long-term boyfriend. Why? Because we had real-life, face-to-face interaction! Get out there and do stuff!
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meaty
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
No probably not but I am aware of this. I don’t know how to change it. I generally suck at messaging espc if I don’t know the person
I mean do you bring these things in real life? Is it just messaging or real life too? The other thing you can do is to initiate things yourself in a non direct way, ie say you're going somewhere tomorrow and ask if they want to come.
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asif007
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#7
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#7
Is there a reason why you can't pursue someone you like and reach out to them to hang out? If you aren't being asked then don't keep leaving it to the men to ask you. If you don't ask, you don't get.
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Zarek
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#8
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#8
There are people who are very attractive in appearance or personality and it’s very easy for them. Then there’s the majority that need to work a bit harder to be a valued partner. Just up your effort a bit
Last edited by Zarek; 3 months ago
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londonmyst
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#9
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#9
Variety of possible reasons why.

They are bored and only want some casual chat online then move on.
Chatting with a lot of girls looking for ons or some no strings arrangement backup chicks, your replies give the impression that you are not interested, they realise that there are incompatible dealbreakers or no mutual interest.
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Ackhnologia
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#10
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#10
(Original post by londonmyst)
Variety of possible reasons why.

They are bored and only want some casual chat online then move on.
Chatting with a lot of girls looking for ons or some no strings arrangement backup chicks, your replies give the impression that you are not interested, they realise that there are incompatible dealbreakers or no mutual interest.
Prsom.
Quite balanced answer.
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Ackhnologia
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#11
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#11
(Original post by asif007)
Is there a reason why you can't pursue someone you like and reach out to them to hang out? If you aren't being asked then don't keep leaving it to the men to ask you. If you don't ask, you don't get.
I guess the asking is the man role. Because a man who asks women out is a masculine, dominant, and it shows that he is interested.
They say they fear rejection, to be seen as desperate.
Well how do you think men feel when they have to approach women? That we do not fear to be seen as desperate, we do not fear the rejection? Let's not forget the famous scenario where men will be seen as creeps, sexual predators, RAPIST. With all that, do you actually think that men will still want to bother to approach women?
Op, londonmyst said it best, there a lot of reasons why they might not ask you out.
But asif007 got a good point too. Why do not make a move first? If you are one those women who believe that it men duty to approach a woman, then you must not complain. Do nothing and wait till the kind of man you want approach you.
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tsparktae
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I get approached from time to time and things usually are ok, we’ll message for a bit then things just die. I find this happens with acquaintances too. No one ever really reaches out to me to hang out and it kinda sucks given I’m at university.
I’m starting to think I’m socially inept or something.
Are you new to the university? it might take you a few months or weeks to find your clique. (I joined college, have got a few small friends) and the best way you can make them is just get involved in the topic. Say something and make the first move to add to a conversation and they'll open up to you more.

Just smiling and saying hello can really help you out. Another thing that helps, is group activities and finding people that like the same things that you do. Don't worry you aren't the only one who feels lonely in these places. By doing small favours for people is actually how I found my current best friend. You'll find them eventually
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