Should I feel guilty for thinking this way and should I act on it?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
I am 22.
I want to "use" my parents financially, take money from them and then when the time that I am financially independent comes (finishing medical school and having a place of my own), move out and delete them from my life. Basically, break all contact. Med school is £10,000 a year (no loans cause I study abroad) and my parents are not rich (not even close) - they have to sacrifice a lot for me to study abroad....
^^Unfortunately, I cannot think this way because this is not who I am. It pains me to even consider doing this. I wish I was careless about my parents, didn't have a "conscience" because it would have made my life easier. I want to use my parents for my own gains and not feel guilty about it, but I simply cannot be like this because the overwhelming guilt seeps in.

Before anyone here thinks I am psycho or pulls out the "move out of your parent's house and become independent cause your a grown a** adult" card here, it is not easy to do that when your parents have been mentally and physically abusing you all your life. You cannot just up and leave when you wholly depend on them for financing your education. You cannot do this when you have literally NO ONE. No where to turn to. The worst thing is that my parents are very manipulative - they do a lot of favours like dropping me to work (many times), financing my education and spending money on me, coming into my room and being "affectionate or wanting a hug every now and then. However, they are also extremely emotionally abusive.

I don't have the energy to detail the abuse, but I made a post sometime ago when I was at really low point. This will give you an idea:https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=6663548

Back to my question: Should I use my parents for financial means (£10,000 for 4 years) , and then cut all contact with them once I become a doctor and move out? My parents are not rich, so I feel even more disgusted with myself for thinking this way.

Please advise me on what to do.
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IOPerry
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#2
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#2
Don't feel guilty for protecting, defending, and loving yourself. The thoughts and feelings you are having are classic symptoms of the abuse you're experiencing. The important thing is to protect and be kind to yourself. Do what you need to survive here and now. Plan and work toward a better future for yourself. Seek those who will support and uplift you. But be wary of falling into patterns that you're familiar with. Abusive people will 'sense' your history and prey on you. Learning healthy boundaries and self-love can be so challenging when you've been severely messed with. Have faith, be patient, and learn to forgive yourself. Eventually, with time and distance, it will become easier to forgive others as well.
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willowbee
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#3
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I wouldn’t feel guilty about that. If they are toxic and it would better for you in the long run to cut them off after the consideration. If it negatively affects your mental health. I would say do so. Take advantage of the opportunities you have when you are with them financial wise and the such to prepare to go on your own. I would always put myself and my well-being before the broken relationship that you might have with your parents. Look out for yourself
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ROTL94 2
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#4
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#4
Ah, yes, I remember your original post. You have three choices here, do that, risk everything and 'just up and leave', or go through medical school, don't cut them off and continue to live the same terrible life you have done at home until such a time comes that you marry, move out, and in with this husband, even then your parents will still play a role in your life, although substantially less of one, they'll still be there in the background. You have years to figure out what you want to do, and what the best course of action is, I have a strong inclination of what I'd do, but I am not you, so you're best placed to figure out what the best course of action is, take your time, figure it out, this self flaggelation over a decision you haven't even made yet is not beneficial to you at all.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by IOPerry)
Don't feel guilty for protecting, defending, and loving yourself. The thoughts and feelings you are having are classic symptoms of the abuse you're experiencing. The important thing is to protect and be kind to yourself. Do what you need to survive here and now. Plan and work toward a better future for yourself. Seek those who will support and uplift you. But be wary of falling into patterns that you're familiar with. Abusive people will 'sense' your history and prey on you. Learning healthy boundaries and self-love can be so challenging when you've been severely messed with. Have faith, be patient, and learn to forgive yourself. Eventually, with time and distance, it will become easier to forgive others as well.
Thank you so much - I really cannot thank you enough, I read your other answer on my other post and honestly felt so understood. Thank you!!
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by willowbee)
I wouldn’t feel guilty about that. If they are toxic and it would better for you in the long run to cut them off after the consideration. If it negatively affects your mental health. I would say do so. Take advantage of the opportunities you have when you are with them financial wise and the such to prepare to go on your own. I would always put myself and my well-being before the broken relationship that you might have with your parents. Look out for yourself
Yes, you are right! I should always put myself before others. Thanks ever so much!
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by ROTL94 2)
Ah, yes, I remember your original post. You have three choices here, do that, risk everything and 'just up and leave', or go through medical school, don't cut them off and continue to live the same terrible life you have done at home until such a time comes that you marry, move out, and in with this husband, even then your parents will still play a role in your life, although substantially less of one, they'll still be there in the background. You have years to figure out what you want to do, and what the best course of action is, I have a strong inclination of what I'd do, but I am not you, so you're best placed to figure out what the best course of action is, take your time, figure it out, this self flaggelation over a decision you haven't even made yet is not beneficial to you at all.
Ah, thank you for remembering me! You are right - I have to find some exit strategy out of this home very soon otherwise I will be stuck in this mental state for the rest of my life.
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