Should I break up with my Boyfriend? If He hi...

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
Should I break up with my Boyfriend? IF YES... How should I tell Him?

I am 17 years of age and it is the first relationship that I have ever been had in my life. Me and my boyfriend have now been together for 5 weeks now (17th of December) and I am starting to have doubts about being with Him.

I was the one who asked Him out and I knew He had feelings for me because He gave it away and So did I. We both go to the same college and do the course, also we sit together since we first met in September. We only see each other three times a week and we have not been out together during weekends or days when we are not in college, BUT we do keep in contact by being on call for 18 hours a day. Also, another thing is that I am an only child while He has 6 siblings with Him being the oldest and both of our parents are still together.

Here are the doubts that I am having:

- He gets quite aggressive when playing FIFA, He shouts and says 'I kill
your Nan's Dog' or threatens to kill their pets. (I have heard much
worse but He has NEVER mentioned race!) He has had Anger
management in the past, Myself does get a bit shaken as I don't like
shouting or people showing anger.

- He doesn't want to do much, even though He has told me personally
that He is boring.

- He looks a bit fed up sometimes, (Sometimes So do I) when being at
College.

- The day after I asked Him out I felt a bit weird and my intuition is
sometimes correct.

- My loyal friend who I have been friends with for 7 years told me that
'He looks a bit secretive'.

- Since being together I have felt normal and personally myself I have
not shown Happiness that I thought I would.

He is a nice quiet lad and when I told Him that I liked Him, He was shocked but happy in the same way as He told me that He had the same feelings but then again I did not feel different I just felt normal or spaced out.

A major thing is that, If I tell Him I know He would break down into tears as He has told me that He loves me and has hugged me, and it was genuine but I am not sure about myself as I don't feel happy.

I don't know if it is me by understanding the male emotions and feelings but He helped me with my anxiety and supported me when I went to the dentist.

I hope you can give me directions or advice. Thanks
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booklover1313
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#2
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#2
I personally would see threatening to kill pets as a red flag…. especially if it is in the context of him being aggressive, it’s not a friendly joke. You said you keep in contact by being on calls for 18 hours, this seems excessive.
It’s hard to say because we don’t know him, but I think you should listen to your gut feelings. If you were in a happy relationship, I think it’s unlikely you would make a post on the TSR asking for advice, I think that in itself tells you something.
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lilypuzzle
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Should I break up with my Boyfriend? IF YES... How should I tell Him?

I am 17 years of age and it is the first relationship that I have ever been had in my life. Me and my boyfriend have now been together for 5 weeks now (17th of December) and I am starting to have doubts about being with Him.

I was the one who asked Him out and I knew He had feelings for me because He gave it away and So did I. We both go to the same college and do the course, also we sit together since we first met in September. We only see each other three times a week and we have not been out together during weekends or days when we are not in college, BUT we do keep in contact by being on call for 18 hours a day. Also, another thing is that I am an only child while He has 6 siblings with Him being the oldest and both of our parents are still together.

Here are the doubts that I am having:

- He gets quite aggressive when playing FIFA, He shouts and says 'I kill
your Nan's Dog' or threatens to kill their pets. (I have heard much
worse but He has NEVER mentioned race!) He has had Anger
management in the past, Myself does get a bit shaken as I don't like
shouting or people showing anger.

- He doesn't want to do much, even though He has told me personally
that He is boring.

- He looks a bit fed up sometimes, (Sometimes So do I) when being at
College.

- The day after I asked Him out I felt a bit weird and my intuition is
sometimes correct.

- My loyal friend who I have been friends with for 7 years told me that
'He looks a bit secretive'.

- Since being together I have felt normal and personally myself I have
not shown Happiness that I thought I would.

He is a nice quiet lad and when I told Him that I liked Him, He was shocked but happy in the same way as He told me that He had the same feelings but then again I did not feel different I just felt normal or spaced out.

A major thing is that, If I tell Him I know He would break down into tears as He has told me that He loves me and has hugged me, and it was genuine but I am not sure about myself as I don't feel happy.

I don't know if it is me by understanding the male emotions and feelings but He helped me with my anxiety and supported me when I went to the dentist.

I hope you can give me directions or advice. Thanks
Ewwwww, why are you with a guy who threatens to kill dogs and other pets?

How the hell is he a 'nice quiet lad' if he is aggressive? Do you even listen to yourself or read the things you write?

Run away and don't look back.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#4
He only gets annoyed at losing a game of FIFA, He has never been aggressive towards me.
I also forgot to type that when He told me that He had anger management when He was little, He would never strike a woman or anyone.

But yes, threatening to kill somebody Nan's dog even though over a game does sound extreme and I am aware of that. When I heard Him say it I did speak and told Him never to say it again (because I like Dogs and they are cute).
Then again, He was attacked by a vicious Dog when He was little and had to be taken to hospital due to the injuries He had, but still, He should not have said it. (THEN AGAIN, I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT IN THE THREAD)

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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#5
He only gets annoyed at losing a game of FIFA, He has never been aggressive towards me.
I also forgot to type that when He told me that He had anger management when He was little, He said would never strike a woman or anyone when He told me he had anger management.

But yes, threatening to kill somebody Nan's dog even though over a game does sound extreme and I am aware of that. When I heard Him say it I did speak and told Him never to say it again (because I like Dogs and they are cute).
Then again, He was attacked by a vicious Dog when He was little and had to be taken to hospital due to the injuries He had, but still, He should not have said it. (THEN AGAIN, I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT IN THE THREAD)

Plus we both agreed to speak on call for 18 hours because we had nothing to do.
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lilypuzzle
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
He only gets annoyed at losing a game of FIFA, He has never been aggressive towards me.
I also forgot to type that when He told me that He had anger management when He was little, He would never strike a woman or anyone.

But yes, threatening to kill somebody Nan's dog even though over a game does sound extreme and I am aware of that. When I heard Him say it I did speak and told Him never to say it again (because I like Dogs and they are cute).
Then again, He was attacked by a vicious Dog when He was little and had to be taken to hospital due to the injuries He had, but still, He should not have said it. (THEN AGAIN, I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT IN THE THREAD)
Sounds like an excuse to me on his end. He clearly has anger issues if he's yelling at a game and threatening to kill a dog. You've also mentioned that he said bad things about other pets; you're dealing with a psychopath.

I'm being brutally honest with you because I've seen how this ends for girls and women and it's not good. You don't want to become another statistic.
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londonmyst
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#7
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#7
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
I find his pet killing threats disturbing and would not want to spend even 1hr talking to someone with that habit, let alone 18hrs.
If his anger management history includes criminal damage or any pattern of abusive or threatening behaviour- run for the hills.
Good luck!
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Trinculo
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#8
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#8
I love it when the TSR FBI Behavioural Sciences Unit turns up and diagnoses someone they have never met as being a domestic abuser or a killer on the basis of their internet psychoanalysis.
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Sunfloweroil123
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#9
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#9
As you said He has had anger management in the past and threatened to kill dogs over a video game is over the top.
Also, it's your first relationship together and you have only been with each other by the looks of it 1 month and 1 week, give it a month or two because you have not been together that long. BUT IF YOU START TO FEEL UNSAFE AROUND HIM, IT'S TIME TO GO!

Another thing you mentioned is that He has a big family with siblings and you are an only child. Some people might not think it is relevant but obviously, He has grown up probably not getting the attention as He is the eldest of 6 so He talks to you because you keep Him company. Also, you being the only child by not having siblings is someone to talk to.
I did see someone reply to you talking to him on a call for 18 hours being 'Exessive'. I assume you were both together three days and in the UK (if you are in the UK) was the Christmas Holidays so you couldn't see each other for 2-3 weeks.

But if I was you, I would listen to your gut feelings not ask for advice on the internet as it is a toxic place for relationship advice. If you are worried about something, talk to your parents about it or someone at college.

I will give you a link to recognise Red Flags in relationships (Just copy and paste the link if it does not work) :

https://www.potentash.com/2021/12/09...ries%20More%20

I hope I gave you the right advice.
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ROTL94 2
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Trinculo)
I love it when the TSR FBI Behavioural Sciences Unit turns up and diagnoses someone they have never met as being a domestic abuser or a killer on the basis of their internet psychoanalysis.
It's great, isn't it? Oh this 17 year old boy gets over excited over FIFA. Clearly a wrongun, who probably would torture animals. Good lord, perfect example of why you don't ask the Internet about your relationship problems.
I will say though that the seeing him 3 times a week but being on the phone to him 18hrs a day thing is highly abnormal.
Last edited by ROTL94 2; 3 months ago
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Zarek
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#11
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#11
Trust your instincts. Delaying ending it probably only makes it more painful. No easy way, be as honest as you can without being hurtful. Or go for the old chestnut that you don’t know what you want and it’s not working for you.
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Fenneko
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
He shouts and says 'I kill your Nan's Dog' or threatens to kill their pets.
LMAO
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username5898386
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Should I break up with my Boyfriend? IF YES... How should I tell Him?

I am 17 years of age and it is the first relationship that I have ever been had in my life. Me and my boyfriend have now been together for 5 weeks now (17th of December) and I am starting to have doubts about being with Him.

I was the one who asked Him out and I knew He had feelings for me because He gave it away and So did I. We both go to the same college and do the course, also we sit together since we first met in September. We only see each other three times a week and we have not been out together during weekends or days when we are not in college, BUT we do keep in contact by being on call for 18 hours a day. Also, another thing is that I am an only child while He has 6 siblings with Him being the oldest and both of our parents are still together.

Here are the doubts that I am having:

- He gets quite aggressive when playing FIFA, He shouts and says 'I kill
your Nan's Dog' or threatens to kill their pets. (I have heard much
worse but He has NEVER mentioned race!) He has had Anger
management in the past, Myself does get a bit shaken as I don't like
shouting or people showing anger.

- He doesn't want to do much, even though He has told me personally
that He is boring.

- He looks a bit fed up sometimes, (Sometimes So do I) when being at
College.

- The day after I asked Him out I felt a bit weird and my intuition is
sometimes correct.

- My loyal friend who I have been friends with for 7 years told me that
'He looks a bit secretive'.

- Since being together I have felt normal and personally myself I have
not shown Happiness that I thought I would.

He is a nice quiet lad and when I told Him that I liked Him, He was shocked but happy in the same way as He told me that He had the same feelings but then again I did not feel different I just felt normal or spaced out.

A major thing is that, If I tell Him I know He would break down into tears as He has told me that He loves me and has hugged me, and it was genuine but I am not sure about myself as I don't feel happy.

I don't know if it is me by understanding the male emotions and feelings but He helped me with my anxiety and supported me when I went to the dentist.

I hope you can give me directions or advice. Thanks
dump him
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Fenneko
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Trinculo)
Because of that, I diagnose you with Walter Mitty Syndrome. You are clearly believe yourself to have professional capabilities far in excess of what is possible, and I believe you to be a danger to people in case you masquerade as a medical professional.
Based.
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Sunfloweroil123
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#15
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#15
Just like to say, Just because someone has had Anger Management in the past, does not mean that they are a bad person.
I myself have had anger management in the and threatened to do unorthodox things that may sound extreme does not mean I am a lunatic.

I myself being a female, have many times lost my anger by losing a game, I assume you have never played Fifa because that game is rigged with people who pay to win the games.

What is a red flag is that you probably assume someone is a psycho just because you read some phycology stuff on Wikipedia or somewhere else. Leave it up to the professionals, please. This is why I said to the person and other people not to ask advice on the internet as it is a toxic place for it as well go with their gut.
I don't want to start an argument because I am trying to be neutral. Also calling someone a 'Lunatic' is highly offensive so I would refrain from using that.
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Trinculo
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#16
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#16
Here's the thing.

Does nan actually have a dog? Do any of these people he's playing with actually have pets? If not - he's not threatening to kill any animal. He's just shouting. It's as absurd as believing that someone saying they will kill themselves if they lose this game - are actually suicidal. If he had said he would kill the actual other person (rather than a pet that may or may not exist), nobody would take that seriously. We have an absurd situation where a person is being diagnosed second-hand, over the internet as being a danger to women because he said he would kill a hypothetical pet, when no one would care if he said he would kill an actual identifiable person.
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What The Cluck
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#17
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#17
Ok I don't think I've ever met a single person who's NOT gotten angry when they've played Fifa. I'm not gonna pretend like it's ok to make a threat to kill a dog but in the context take it with a pinch of salt. I'm willing to bet that if you put his opponents pet in front of him he wouldn't actually kill them. Two of my friends used to play fifa 19 and when they played FUT champs they would start screaming, smashing controllers, punching walls and in some cases start crying but as soon as they stopped they would literally be the nicest people.
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Anonymous #1
#18
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#18
No, He does not have a pet. He is actually scared to go near a dog because He was attacked by one when He was little. I forgot to mention that when I started this thread because I was trying to gather my thoughts and how I feel, now it has been warped and twisted... Now I regret it!
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Sunfloweroil123
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#19
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#19
Bless, I really feel sorry for you. You are just lost as it is your first boyfriend, I was like that when I had my first boyfriend. It's just a game of fifa, and as someone said, take to killing dogs as a pinch of salt I play the game myself and it is rigged with people who pay to win games and I get really angry at it.

As you said, He helped you cope with your anxiety. My 3rd boyfriend did not really give a **** when I had a severe panic attack one day.

As I said, give it a month or two, see how it goes. If you are not feeling right, tell him how you feel.
Do be horrible, do it in the nicest way, and offer friendship.
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Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#20
Thank you. You have been one of many people who helped. I will take your advice as you seem you have had experience having relationships and having common sense. I will leave it for two months and see what happens.
I also hope the person who called my boyfriend a psychotic person should keep their opinions to themselves by believing what they read on Wikipedia.
I hope this person comes to realise that they made me have a panic attack.

Anyways Thank you for the advice and to the people who understood me by not warping and twisting what I said.
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