Feel nothing for dad

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
My dad has been probablt the most harmful person in my life so far as he was abusive controlling and later ruined the most important relationship in my life and disowned me. I think he’s a narcissist. As I became an adult I distanced more and more just to survive and feel like I can function to the point now where I literally feel no affection for them or anything. I feel guilty and weird but I can’t help it. People mus think I’m cold an inhumane. He also dislikes me for it I’m sure it hurts him too but can’t even look him in the eye or hug him at all. Hate it when he tries to talk to me.

I feel like a piece of me has d ied. Has anyone been through this before?
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hehehehsiuuu
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#2
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#2
is he still the same person as he was before? has he changed?
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Anonymous #1
#3
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#3
(Original post by hehehehsiuuu)
is he still the same person as he was before? has he changed?
He’s not abusive as we don’t talk anymore. But he definitely tries to argue and complain constantly. He is still difficult , controlling and lacks empathy. But obviously older and has had a midlife crisis. I feel bad for him. But he’s not a better person imo no. Just lost
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londonmyst
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#4
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#4
I understand some of how you feel.
I grew up in a toxic and controlling household, surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed their bizarre nonsense upon me.
Escaped before a levels were over 8 years ago, cut contact and will never go back.

Life is too short to waste your valuable time and emotion on those that don't deserve any.
Try to focus on achieving your future ambitions and maintaining a positive mindset.
Restrict opportunities of contact with your father to avoid further conflict or resurrecting past traumas.
Best to spend your spare time celebrating all the positives in your life and doing the things that make you happy or will lead you towards building the future life that you want.
Good luck!
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wifd149
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
My dad has been probablt the most harmful person in my life so far as he was abusive controlling and later ruined the most important relationship in my life and disowned me. I think he’s a narcissist. As I became an adult I distanced more and more just to survive and feel like I can function to the point now where I literally feel no affection for them or anything. I feel guilty and weird but I can’t help it. People mus think I’m cold an inhumane. He also dislikes me for it I’m sure it hurts him too but can’t even look him in the eye or hug him at all. Hate it when he tries to talk to me.

I feel like a piece of me has d ied. Has anyone been through this before?
I hate narcissists with every fibre of my being, and they don't deserve to take up any of my emotional space or (extra/personal) respect. Don't feel guilty about the fact that you feel no affection towards them (or him); the sooner you realise that they don't matter in your life, the sooner you won't feel hurt by them.

Be happy that you can function and live on your own now! That's good progress in my opinion

I feel like this too, so you are not alone in how you're feeling and what you have been through :hugs:
Last edited by wifd149; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#6
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#6
(Original post by londonmyst)
I understand some of how you feel.
I grew up in a toxic and controlling household, surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed their bizarre nonsense upon me.
Escaped before a levels were over 8 years ago, cut contact and will never go back.

Life is too short to waste your valuable time and emotion on those that don't deserve any.
Try to focus on achieving your future ambitions and maintaining a positive mindset.
Restrict opportunities of contact with your father to avoid further conflict or resurrecting past traumas.
Best to spend your spare time celebrating all the positives in your life and doing the things that make you happy or will lead you towards building the future life that you want.
Good luck!
Where did you move to at a levels did you get social services help?

Thanks ill try my best
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Anonymous #1
#7
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#7
(Original post by wifd149)
I hate narcissists with every fibre of my being, and they don't deserve to take up any of my emotional space or (extra/personal) respect. Don't feel guilty about the fact that you feel no affection towards them (or him); the sooner you realise that they don't matter in your life, the sooner you won't feel hurt by them.

Be happy that you can function and live on your own now! That's good progress in my opinion

I feel like this too, so you are not alone in how you're feeling and what you have been through :hugs:
Ah I'm so glad you understand the narcissism thing. They have no self awareness so im the bad guy here and they're the victim. Sadly i have to live with them as of recently again but trying to get out asap.
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wifd149
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ah I'm so glad you understand the narcissism thing. They have no self awareness so im the bad guy here and they're the victim. Sadly i have to live with them as of recently again but trying to get out asap.
I get your suffering mate, I still live with one (or a few) of them. I hate it as well. I will be moving out for further education, but I might still have to come back and live with them afterwards until I got more than enough funds to move out permanently - or not? 🤔 Only time will tell honestly, I don't want to waste my money unnecessarily since I don't have to pay rent much, but if they do get irksome, I would choose my distance and space over them any day.

All the best ok? :grouphugs:
Last edited by wifd149; 3 months ago
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londonmyst
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Where did you move to at a levels did you get social services help?

Thanks ill try my best
No, I never had a positive opinion of most social workers or social services.

After my violent mother swiped my lifesavings intended to finance uni accomodation, told me I wouldn't be allowed a student loan and gave me a few ultimatums- I packed everything that I could carry & turned up at the then bf's home with less than £19 in small change.
I was already hiding my car there and he was happy for me to move in.
I had got very sneaky by this time and an expert at climbing out of windows & down drainpipes at night to ensure that my dates remained secret.
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Anonymous #2
#10
Report 3 months ago
#10
(Original post by londonmyst)
I understand some of how you feel.
I grew up in a toxic and controlling household, surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed their bizarre nonsense upon me.
Escaped before a levels were over 8 years ago, cut contact and will never go back.

Life is too short to waste your valuable time and emotion on those that don't deserve any.
Try to focus on achieving your future ambitions and maintaining a positive mindset.
Restrict opportunities of contact with your father to avoid further conflict or resurrecting past traumas.
Best to spend your spare time celebrating all the positives in your life and doing the things that make you happy or will lead you towards building the future life that you want.
Good luck!
hi I really want to cut my abusive father off too but my mum wont let me saying it will make us look rude
need a break from everyone tbh
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londonmyst
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
hi I really want to cut my abusive father off too but my mum wont let me saying it will make us look rude
need a break from everyone tbh
Do you have access to a stable monthly source of income and alternative accomodation far away from your relatives?
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Anonymous #2
#12
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#12
(Original post by londonmyst)
Do you have access to a stable monthly source of income and alternative accomodation far away from your relatives?
im 15 lol
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londonmyst
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
im 15 lol
Try to maintain a positive mindset, save up as much cash as you can and work towards achieving the best academic results possible over the next few years.

It is almost impossible to cut all contact with toxic relatives before 18 without the agreement and practical assistance of at least one close relative or family member.
People can move out without parental consent at 16.
But parental responsibility continues until 18 unless the courts remove it or the 16-17 year old gets married.

Make as many helpful contacts as you can and build up a strong independent support network outside of your parents control.
Part time jobs, friends with a spare sofa or an address that they allow you to use for post.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#14
(Original post by wifd149)
I get your suffering mate, I still live with one (or a few) of them. I hate it as well. I will be moving out for further education, but I might still have to come back and live with them afterwards until I got more than enough funds to move out permanently - or not? 🤔 Only time will tell honestly, I don't want to waste my money unnecessarily since I don't have to pay rent much, but if they do get irksome, I would choose my distance and space over them any day.

All the best ok? :grouphugs:
Wow you identified them before even going to uni? That’s so good I didn’t realise till years later. I’m also trying to save up being here - semi worth it! Thank you same to you
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Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#15
(Original post by londonmyst)
Try to maintain a positive mindset, save up as much cash as you can and work towards achieving the best academic results possible over the next few years.

It is almost impossible to cut all contact with toxic relatives before 18 without the agreement and practical assistance of at least one close relative or family member.
People can move out without parental consent at 16.
But parental responsibility continues until 18 unless the courts remove it or the 16-17 year old gets married.

Make as many helpful contacts as you can and build up a strong independent support network outside of your parents control.
Part time jobs, friends with a spare sofa or an address that they allow you to use for post.
Good luck!
What do you mean by helpful contacts? How long do you think is reasonable to ask someone a favour to let you use the sofa till you find somewhere?
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londonmyst
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#16
Report 3 months ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean by helpful contacts?
How long do you think is reasonable to ask someone a favour to let you use the sofa till you find somewhere?
People who will be able to teach you new skills, make useful introductions, swap favours, give references or help you work towards building the future that you want.

It depends on how close the friendship is with that person and what you can do for them in return.
A few very opportunistic guy friends got into the habit of viewing my sofas as a convenient undergrad b&b with the added bonuses of television, daily homecooking, a 3+ course dinner and access to free chauffeur services. :stomp:
Two girls I've known since school took up residence on my sofa for more than 10 weeks, the one who stayed the longest even had the audacity to take a favourite sofa with her when she left. :fangs:
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Anonymous #2
#17
Report 2 months ago
#17
(Original post by londonmyst)
Try to maintain a positive mindset, save up as much cash as you can and work towards achieving the best academic results possible over the next few years.

It is almost impossible to cut all contact with toxic relatives before 18 without the agreement and practical assistance of at least one close relative or family member.
People can move out without parental consent at 16.
But parental responsibility continues until 18 unless the courts remove it or the 16-17 year old gets married.

Make as many helpful contacts as you can and build up a strong independent support network outside of your parents control.
Part time jobs, friends with a spare sofa or an address that they allow you to use for post.
Good luck!
Hi is it okay if I PM you
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londonmyst
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#18
Report 2 months ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi is it okay if I PM you
Yes.
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