I'm so sick of being lonely

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Ferrograd
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#1
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#1
I thought I had beaten depression, but I've sobbed my heart out today and about a week ago. I'm so lonely. I don't really have any friends. There's one guy who goes to uni who I'm friends with but as I don[t' go anymore i don['t really see him. I was friends with some girls there and was going to go up there the other day, but they didn't even open my message. I want to go out, but have no one to go out with. I have felt like this for years and years and I'm so sick of it. It briefly subsided when I was at uni but after freshers week I felt depressed again. I don't know what to do. I've tried online dating and seem to get nowhere. Girls either never reply, never take it beyond a first date, or even just unadd you randomly. Some of the girls I like that i haven't met through online dating don't feel the same way about me as i do about them. I'm losing my interest in eating, i can barely get out of bed and all I do is go to the gym. To the point of being an addict to it, I have the constant urge to work out sometimes. I can't sleep. I'm on medication already. For those who say I should go to the doctors, get a higher dose etc - I can't. If I do that, it will be on my medical records, and my chances of getting into my dream job will be nullified. That's the only thing thats keeping me going. Besides therapists haven't really helped me. I'm just so sick of life being unfair af to me when I haven't even done anything to deserve it. I feel so numb. I don't know what to do.
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username5857626
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#2
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#2
Find some hobbies
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Ferrograd
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Bronfenbrennerzy)
Find some hobbies
I understand if you're just trying to be polite and wrote this with the best of intentions, but this isn't helpful at all
Do you not think through years of stewing alone in my room I haven't considered that?
Also, in all honesty, how many other 18 year old males have "hobbies"?
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Max1989
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#4
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#4
I'm chronically lonely too although I'm 20, I by no means would consider myself happy, if anything I have completely lost my sense of "self". But loneliness isn't a feeling more just a fixation of thoughts that lead to feeling empty. Although it isn't something that will just go away keeping your mind occupied basically stops the thoughts, don't have a minute where you think about what is missing but instead thin about all that you have.

You need to find some sort of substance in your life to fill the void you feel. Be it new hobbies, treating yourself occasionally. I understand completely the lack of motivation, but it's one of those things that will not get better unless you try and work on your self love and do things that you enjoy, who cares about anyone else, when you are doing things you enjoy you'll meet people you might feel more connected with.

There's nothing having someone else in your life can make you feel that you can't find within you alone. The things that you do might feel are usually just unhealthy insecurities.
Last edited by Max1989; 3 months ago
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username5857626
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Ferrograd)
I understand if you're just trying to be polite and wrote this with the best of intentions, but this isn't helpful at all
Do you not think through years of stewing alone in my room I haven't considered that?
Also, in all honesty, how many other 18 year old males have "hobbies"?
That wasn't for the depression btw in case someone's wondering, that's obvs tough. I meant for the friends' part. What is it that's getting in the way of you making friends?
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tinyperson
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#6
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#6
find a job
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Ferrograd
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Bronfenbrennerzy)
That wasn't for the depression btw in case someone's wondering, that's obvs tough. I meant for the friends' part. What is it that's getting in the way of you making friends?
It’s naturally hard for me because im autistic but I don’t know, I’m in a job but I’m the youngest there and hardly anyone speaks English it’s not the kind of job you make friends (delivery driver). I’m aspiring to the police which is why I can’t be seen to go back on a higher dose of medication as they’re already going to frown on the fact I’m on meds. I don’t even know how someone in my situation makes friends
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gtty123
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#8
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#8
You just need to focus on yourself and don't go wandering for love. Realistically, dating apps are never going to amount to long term relationships, some do but there aren't a huge amount, and so use them prudently. You talk about career aspirations, focus on that first. Obviously, you may think that being in a relationship will alleviate your pains, but they may do the opposite, potentially, of course.
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Ferrograd
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#9
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#9
(Original post by gtty123)
You just need to focus on yourself and don't go wandering for love. Realistically, dating apps are never going to amount to long term relationships, some do but there aren't a huge amount, and so use them prudently. You talk about career aspirations, focus on that first. Obviously, you may think that being in a relationship will alleviate your pains, but they may do the opposite, potentially, of course.
Focus on myself, how? I’ve given everything to myself. I’ve worked on myself physically and mentally and progressed hugely in both. But when nothing still changes around me I naturally let my mind wander.
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xamirahx
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#10
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#10
I agree with the comment above that focusing on yourself should take priority before a relationship. You mentioned going to the gym and working out. Are there other people at the gym that you feel comfortable getting to know, or maybe joining some kind of sports activity in your area to meet new people?
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Ferrograd
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#11
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#11
(Original post by xamirahx)
I agree with the comment above that focusing on yourself should take priority before a relationship. You mentioned going to the gym and working out. Are there other people at the gym that you feel comfortable getting to know, or maybe joining some kind of sports activity in your area to meet new people?
Never really plucked up the courage to speak to people girls anyway at the gym . I can speak to girls in public but only really in clubs when I was at uni and had been drinking
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xamirahx
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Ferrograd)
Never really plucked up the courage to speak to people girls anyway at the gym . I can speak to girls in public but only really in clubs when I was at uni and had been drinking
Maybe working on your self confidence will help and hopefully you'll feel more confident approaching people
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gtty123
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#13
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(Original post by Ferrograd)
Focus on myself, how? I’ve given everything to myself. I’ve worked on myself physically and mentally and progressed hugely in both. But when nothing still changes around me I naturally let my mind wander.
Eating properly can be one. Improving sleep. Not dwelling on the past. Just because something doesn't change "around [you]" doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It will require a strong willpower, but, eventually, you will be rewarded.
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Ferrograd
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#14
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#14
(Original post by gtty123)
Eating properly can be one. Improving sleep. Not dwelling on the past. Just because something doesn't change "around [you]" doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It will require a strong willpower, but, eventually, you will be rewarded.
The eating thing has only been the last few days and the sleep is very little I can actually do to change. Being stressed and feeling like this doesn’t help.
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gtty123
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Ferrograd)
The eating thing has only been the last few days and the sleep is very little I can actually do to change. Being stressed and feeling like this doesn’t help.
Of course it doesn't. But are you going to live your life thinking like this until it goes your way? There's no point in dwelling on things like this.
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Ferrograd
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#16
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#16
(Original post by gtty123)
Of course it doesn't. But are you going to live your life thinking like this until it goes your way? There's no point in dwelling on things like this.
Thinking like what?
My point is nothing in life seems to go my way. I’ve felt like this for years and years. This isn’t a new problem.
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NonIndigenous
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#17
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#17
I've been through something similar. It is difficult to describe the full effect it had on me, but I believe it has in some sense splintered my personality.

I have friends today, and I value them. But at the same time, I think back to 'those moments' in the past and ask myself who actually stood by me and helped out when I needed them to: almost nobody. It can make me very cynical sometimes when dealing with people in general, even in the present day.

Part of me has moved on, and part of me also hasn't moved on. I ask myself "can I really rely on these people if something goes wrong", and the answer is usually "no" if I use my past experiences to learn from. Of the few people who did seem to want to 'help' me, most ultimately did this with their own self-interests in mind, not mine. And when I didn't give them what they expected or desired in return, they got 'emotionally unstable' about it. It felt like a game, not help, and just made me more angry.

I can be warm, respectful and caring one moment, but at the same time surprisingly brutal and remorseless in the next moment if something 'triggers' this.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#18
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#18
Hello! First off, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Know that you are not alone.. many people young and old experience loneliness.

I would suggest really learning to enjoy your own company. It sounds silly but seriously, focus on becoming a person people want to be around and even if they don’t - you’re good company for yourself. I’m not blaming you btw, people can be difficult and I can also see you have mentioned some issues relating to autism. Just enjoy your own company and focus on where you want to take your life, all the other things like friends/ relationships etc will come when they are meant to.

Enjoying your own company is also really important to developing a strong sense of self worth and respect.

I understand this may be of little help but just know you’re not alone, you can enjoy your own company and that things will get better.

Maybe try find some online groups etc where you can chat to like minded people.. You also mentioned how much you go to the gym - join a class/ group and see who you meet! Honestly there are every kind of person out there and there are people who would love to be your friend, it’s just a case of where and when you meet them.

Take care and best of luck
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gtty123
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Ferrograd)
Thinking like what?
My point is nothing in life seems to go my way. I’ve felt like this for years and years. This isn’t a new problem.
You write as if you're the only person going through this. My point was that if you're dwelling on stuff like this, you're not going to get very far. Life, according to you at least, should be easy and present you every opportunity imaginable - but that's the biggest load of s*** I've ever heard. For all I know, you could be experiencing this for another 10 years or 2 months - no-one can give you a definitive and reassuring response.
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Ferrograd
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#20
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#20
(Original post by gtty123)
You write as if you're the only person going through this. My point was that if you're dwelling on stuff like this, you're not going to get very far. Life, according to you at least, should be easy and present you every opportunity imaginable - but that's the biggest load of s*** I've ever heard. For all I know, you could be experiencing this for another 10 years or 2 months - no-one can give you a definitive and reassuring response.
No I’m not the only person going through it I’m not trying to say otherwise and I never said life should be easy. I’m saying it’s a lot harder for me then the other people I know and I get nowhere near as many as the opportunities as they do.
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