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Girl that doesn't enjoy masturbation?

Hello! I'm 18 year and I have been sexually active since I was 17 with my first and only boyfriend. For this one year of having sex with him I never got to have an orgasm. I researched online and I read that I should learn what I like first and then tell him but I have never masturbated before so I decided to give it a try whenever I can. I tried with touching myself and inserting my finger but I hated the feeling of both. I like it when he does it but when I do it I get very weird sensation on my finger and I feel like that stops me from getting pleasure because somethings I don't feel anything other than that feeling on my finger/s down there. I tried a few times and it was always the same. Then I tried rubbing a marker on my clit and that did feel very good but I'm scared to insert it because I don't want to hurt myself. But still I liked the rubbing when it was something else other than my finger. I can't explain it really but I just hate the feeling I get on my finger/s. Is that normal and how do I stop it? How will I learn what I like when I have the feeling? I don't want to involve toys please! Just fingers!
Original post by Anonymous
How will I learn what I like when I have the feeling? I don't want to involve toys please! Just fingers!

The strongest piece of advice I would give is buy a bullet vibrator. It will help no end. Concentrate on your clitoris, no need for anything inside. No idea why you are so toy averse.
Reply 2
Original post by Apachecow
The strongest piece of advice I would give is buy a bullet vibrator. It will help no end. Concentrate on your clitoris, no need for anything inside. No idea why you are so toy averse.

I'm just scared that I might get to dependent on them. That I will only be able to orgasm with toys and I don't want that.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm just scared that I might get to dependent on them. That I will only be able to orgasm with toys and I don't want that.

Is your boyfriend aware you've never had an orgasm?
Reply 4
Original post by ageshallnot
Is your boyfriend aware you've never had an orgasm?

Yes of course. He told me to figure it out myself because of course he's not a woman and we are way more complicated and it's a lot harder for us to finish. So I've been trying to figure it out and that's why I'm here.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes of course. He told me to figure it out myself because of course he's not a woman and we are way more complicated and it's a lot harder for us to finish. So I've been trying to figure it out and that's why I'm here.

"Of course" isn't necessarily a given in situations like these and him telling you to work it out yourself is hardly helpful!

I would echo what was said above about a bullet vibrator. I would add that you could use it not only by yourself, but also when with your boyfriend - hopefully achieving the best of both worlds.

My only other suggestion is that instead of rubbing something on your clitoris, you rub your clitoris against something. I understand that the sensation is quite different for many girls.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello! I'm 18 year and I have been sexually active since I was 17 with my first and only boyfriend. For this one year of having sex with him I never got to have an orgasm. I researched online and I read that I should learn what I like first and then tell him but I have never masturbated before so I decided to give it a try whenever I can. I tried with touching myself and inserting my finger but I hated the feeling of both. I like it when he does it but when I do it I get very weird sensation on my finger and I feel like that stops me from getting pleasure because somethings I don't feel anything other than that feeling on my finger/s down there. I tried a few times and it was always the same. Then I tried rubbing a marker on my clit and that did feel very good but I'm scared to insert it because I don't want to hurt myself. But still I liked the rubbing when it was something else other than my finger. I can't explain it really but I just hate the feeling I get on my finger/s. Is that normal and how do I stop it? How will I learn what I like when I have the feeling? I don't want to involve toys please! Just fingers!

I don’t think it’s something you should resolve alone. If you have a boyfriend, you’re only having sex with him, and you’re not getting orgasms, I’d be very worried as your boyfriend, you should try to find the way for you to have your first orgasm together.
A toy would help you experiment with the erogenous zones on your body, it’s not all the clit, if you use the toy together you can achieve those points that will help you reach climax and have your first orgasm
Original post by Anonymous
Hello! I'm 18 year and I have been sexually active since I was 17 with my first and only boyfriend. For this one year of having sex with him I never got to have an orgasm. I researched online and I read that I should learn what I like first and then tell him but I have never masturbated before so I decided to give it a try whenever I can. I tried with touching myself and inserting my finger but I hated the feeling of both. I like it when he does it but when I do it I get very weird sensation on my finger and I feel like that stops me from getting pleasure because somethings I don't feel anything other than that feeling on my finger/s down there. I tried a few times and it was always the same. Then I tried rubbing a marker on my clit and that did feel very good but I'm scared to insert it because I don't want to hurt myself. But still I liked the rubbing when it was something else other than my finger. I can't explain it really but I just hate the feeling I get on my finger/s. Is that normal and how do I stop it? How will I learn what I like when I have the feeling? I don't want to involve toys please! Just fingers!

This my go to for these kinds of questions: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies_sexuality/how_to_have_your_first_orgasm_a_primer_for_cisgender_women

If you don't like the feeling with your fingers, you don't have to use them - as others have suggested you can buy a sex toy or use other objects. Using items designed for sex helps you know they're safe and not worry abiut hurting yourself.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that you can "become dependant" on sex toys - that's not true! Obviously, they can feel different, and you might enjoy them more or less than other forms of sex, but using sex toys won't mean that you can't enjoy other forms of sex. This article goes into more detail and explains how the myth that vibrators cause a loss of sensitivity has been used to police female sexuality: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/do_vibrators_cause_a_loss_of_sensitivity

I was a bit concerned to read this about your partner, though: "He told me to figure it out myself because of course he's not a woman and we are way more complicated and it's a lot harder for us to finish. So I've been trying to figure it out and that's why I'm here. ".

It sounds like a bit of a cop-out to me! It's hardly a given that "oh women are just difficult and they can't orgasm" :tongue: Have you talked to him about this? How do you feel that your sexual partner seems very disintereded in your experience and pleasure?

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