These Two Girls

It feels weird for my first proper thread (not random throwaway questions) to be about relationships. I occasionally post on the Relationships forum in response to incels, who I find an interesting bunch of people. Of course, the reason I joined this site was because of this forum, which I found/find to be a 'rabbit in the headlights' forum - often it's a load of comical rubbish, which is what I enjoy. But occasionally I find threads that are actually quite intellectual or important, and I try to read them with an open mind and sometimes try to help. Anyway, below is a wall of text which is my scenario/question.

On the incel threads I mentioned, I occasionally point out that despite being the opposite of boyfriend material (according to incel guidelines), I sometimes get attention from women. And while this is true, I've never had a long-term relationship and generally struggle with women. And that leads me to school. There is a girl - I'll call her Megan (not her real name) who has been in my year at school since Year 7. In my opinion she is nice looking, but that is besides the point. She has always been 'nice' - caring, friendly, welcoming - and for a period a few years ago I had a serious crush on her. When that anonymous incel said I am often friendzoned, you're right: she said no... Twice.

Now, that was a few years ago. I expected - and you probably expect as well - that I would get over her quickly. But for some reason, I didn't. I accepted that she didn't like me, but I still felt love for 'Megan' and was always scared when she'd have other relationships (in reality or me just thinking she did) - indeed, yesterday she posted a story where she reacted to a post that talked about telling her friends about a crush - who is almost certainly not me. For some reason, that hurt me, and I don't know if that's a good thing, a bad thing, or nothing important. There is little evidence (although I will discuss that little evidence later on) that she actually has any feelings for me, and as far as she is concerned I am 1: not somebody she'd ever want to be with, and 2: a bit of a weirdo. I've never told her I still like her, but she may well of guessed it.

But as you can see, the thread is called 'These Two Girls'. That's because there is another woman in my life that is causing me to feel conflicted. I have known a girl - let's call her Sam - for most of my life (since I was five I believe), and while she has always been a friend these years, in the past few months I have started to become seriously attracted to her. I suppose it's because she has been maturing as a woman, but I feel 'connected' to her emotionally as well. She may be beautiful on the outside, but that wouldn't matter if we didn't get along. But we do... We are seemingly thinking on the same 'channel', our sense of humour is very similar, we are always left smiling when we're in each other's company, etc. But the trouble is, she is completely out of my league. She is stunning (in my eyes at least), but even if we get along like a house on fire I still feel incredibly intimidated by her. I feel like she'd never see me as more than a friend.

Strangely, there is some evidence she does actually like me. Another girl at school was talking to me about 'Sam' and I asked for some signs that she liked me. One of them was physical contact, and 'Sam' and I do have that, from frequent hugging to little nudges here and there. Of course, these may well be minor things, but one can have hope. The girl at school also asked me if I loved her - I couldn't answer, because I don't know. Going back to 'Megan', there is also some 'evidence' she likes me as well, but I'm not sure what to make of it either. Consistently, but more so in the past few weeks, she has been asking me to do things (not a euphemism) and always smiles and waves at me. There is a school trip I am not sure about going on, and she really wants me to go on it. There is also a club at school she asked me to join, which I have now and will be starting next week. I just don't know if that means something, or she's just being nice. I feel like I'm both being led on and that I'm being a simp at the same time.

So here's where I pass the question to you. I know TSR relationship is notoriously bad, so I'll be taking any advice with a pinch of salt - but anyway, I can't choose and don't know what I'm thinking. 'Sam' is beautiful and we have been good friends for most of our lives, but she is completely out of my league and probably just sees me as a friend (I don't want to ask her out and it ruin our friendship if/when she says no). 'Megan' is a really nice girl, but I feel like I'm getting very mixed signals, I don't know if she's just being nice or she's changed her mind since a few years ago. And even though my brain has moved on, I still like her - does that mean something? At the same time, I don't know who I love, if either of them, or maybe it's both of them. Maybe my lack of success with women is altering my judgment. I just don't know. Some advice would be greatly appreciated, because I certainly can't figure this out by myself.

Reply 1

Muttly

Some people don't know a good thing when it hits them between the eyes - and yes seriously you are one of those people.

Will you stop walking backwards and talking yourself out of what sounds like a super friendship with bags of potential.

Trust your gut instincts and just relax and take every day in small steps. Trust has to be grown. The cues are there for you to 'engage' back in warm friendship by being a 'plus one' - She is creating the opener for you there, with trips out etc never minds you asking her out.

The phrase 'out of my league' is just because you feel its too good to be true. This is a lack of self confidence. So it sounds like this girl just loves the very bones of you and your company. There that was easy. Now enjoy that and have a good time sharing life.

We are all beautiful in our own way. Beauty exudes from us from the inside and we are a package in the round. Many many good looking people are very 'hollow' inside. You are not. But you lack self confidence to see that you too are also very eligible.

That was easy - do not sell yourself short. Go with her, just chat and talk and keep it simple. Sharing laughter everyday is one of the best things you can share together right now. Just do that and have fun and keep everything simple without second guessing all the time?

Reply 2

Doomotron

Original post by Muttly

To be honest, I was really shocked when I read this. It's probably the nicest, most heartwarming thing I've read on here for a very long time - thank you so much. I was expecting anon bullying and incel reasoning but you gladly proved me wrong.

Reply 3

candydiva

Dude.... nobody is ever "out of my league".... they r just "misguided for failing to choose me" :tongue:

Reply 4

Doomotron

Original post by candydiva

Dude.... nobody is ever "out of my league".... they r just "misguided for failing to choose me" :tongue:

I am happy you think that about yourself - that's self confidence I could only dream of having!

Reply 5

candydiva

Yah ppl tell me I ooze tons of selfconfidence. I dunno. I just don't take crap/gaslighting/control from anyone.

Reply 6

Doomotron

Original post by candydiva

Yah ppl tell me I ooze tons of selfconfidence. I dunno. I just don't take crap/gaslighting/control from anyone.

Most people tell me I'm an awful man... Oh well. Unfortunately my complete lack of self confidence won't help me very much appealing to women, but I'll cope. I do have some hope, and I am still young.