The Student Room Group

How do I stop looking like a pushover?

it’s really disturbing because as soon as people see me they right away assume I’m a pushover. I don’t even know what’s making me seem this way.
Wear a T-shirt printed with ur TSR ID...
Original post by saber_tooth8
it’s really disturbing because as soon as people see me they right away assume I’m a pushover. I don’t even know what’s making me seem this way.


Hi,

I'm assuming that "people" are strangers who form this impression when they first meet you. It's probably the way you carry yourself that sends this message. Unfortunately first impressions last, and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

When you walk around, are you generally slouched, looking down with your hands in your pockets? Do you generally avoid eye contact when talking to people? Are you generally quiet, and when you talk are you mumbling and keep your answers very short / brief.

If any of the above is true, you could try carrying yourself in a more confident manner... rather than those sluggish movements, you could try developing a more graceful, arrogant kind of walk... maybe something that's a cross between the supermodel strut and the Road-man swagger (with a smile, to lessen the whole "attitude" thingy :wink: ). Also when you're talking, having a bit more self belief in what you're saying (e.g. avoid self-deprecating opening statements like "It's probably nothing but..." or "It's just one of my silly ideas but...". )

When talking to someone, it helps to maintain a degree of eye-contact (without staring like a psycho lol). A trick I do is to form a triangle between their eyes and their mouth and momentarily shift your focus between these focal points. If you find it hard looking into peoples eyes, you can swap their eyes for their eyebrows or their glasses frame (they won't know the difference).

Of course, some people are known as "people-pleasers" so they think it's important to do lots of nice things for others (often at their own expense). Nothing wrong with that, in principle... but remember you have your own needs etc. so sometimes it helps to put yourself first and say "no" once in a while.

It'll take a bit of practice (especially if you've been like this for a large part of your life), but it does work with a bit of determination and commitment
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Hi,

I'm assuming that "people" are strangers who form this impression when they first meet you. It's probably the way you carry yourself that sends this message. Unfortunately first impressions last, and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

When you walk around, are you generally slouched, looking down with your hands in your pockets? Do you generally avoid eye contact when talking to people? Are you generally quiet, and when you talk are you mumbling and keep your answers very short / brief.

If any of the above is true, you could try carrying yourself in a more confident manner... rather than those sluggish movements, you could try developing a more graceful, arrogant kind of walk... maybe something that's a cross between the supermodel strut and the Road-man swagger (with a smile, to lessen the whole "attitude" thingy :wink: ). Also when you're talking, having a bit more self belief in what you're saying (e.g. avoid self-deprecating opening statements like "It's probably nothing but..." or "It's just one of my silly ideas but...". )

When talking to someone, it helps to maintain a degree of eye-contact (without staring like a psycho lol). A trick I do is to form a triangle between their eyes and their mouth and momentarily shift your focus between these focal points. If you find it hard looking into peoples eyes, you can swap their eyes for their eyebrows or their glasses frame (they won't know the difference).

Of course, some people are known as "people-pleasers" so they think it's important to do lots of nice things for others (often at their own expense). Nothing wrong with that, in principle... but remember you have your own needs etc. so sometimes it helps to put yourself first and say "no" once in a while.

It'll take a bit of practice (especially if you've been like this for a large part of your life), but it does work with a bit of determination and commitment

thank you the post was helpful.

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