Girlfriend lied about her body count to me for over a year

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
I've been dating this girl for a year and a half now and through her parents have I found out that she lied to me about her body count. We both graduated from Uni last year (both aged 21) and when we did she had a party at her house inviting loads of her friends. This was where this was first brought up, as when friends of hers and mine that aren't waiting for marriage mentioned sex and would talk about how I'm waiting, one of her friends would say that she (my girlfriend) hasn't waited even though my girlfriend goes and says that she's waiting. Fastforward a couple months (today), I went to meet her parents for the first time. I stayed and ate dinner there and I was being questioned heavily by her father. I could tell that he was a protective dad that wanted the best guy for his daughter through our conversation. He was asking me many questions, e.g. my degree, job, grade, etc. Then he goes and asks me about my bodycount, which I believe he did due to wanting a good fit for his daughter idk and he did mention that he doesn't want her with an f boy. So then I go tell him that I've never had sex and I'm waiting for marriage. He then goes and asks me if I want a partner that's doing the same and I replied saying yes, as I want someone with the same values as me etc and my beliefs (Christianity). Then he goes and tells me that then his daughter wouldn't be suitable because she's had sex before. And that's what's kind of annoyed me. She said to me for ages that she's never had sex either when she first brought it up before we started dating even (we were friends first and we would speak about everything pretty much) so to find out that she's lied to me for years is quite disappointing. Kind of feel like she's wasted my time too.

When her dad went and said that, her face went pink and then she tried saying that this was before she went out with me. And that's the most confusing part. Because when I found out that she lied the first time, I realised that hey, if she can lie once about her past to me, she definitely can/has again. So she couldve even have had sex with another person whilst being with me. Idk for sure. Point is though, I just feel like she's wasted my time. Don't get me wrong, I have sexual urges at times but I know it's against my religion to pursue them which is why I'm trying to follow what is said in the Bible and so for her to do it and lie about it stinks. That's why I posted this here as I believe I should end this relationship with her as there's no point being with someone that doesn't follow the sane morals I follow & already lied about something big for a long long but I need clarity on how I can meet a girl in the future that actually hasn't had sex. Would you guys believe I just gotta hope I meet a girl I like at church? Or is there any other ways in the future that I can meet a girl that's actually waiting for marriage that actually is and isn't lying about it. Because if church is my only way, maybe I'll need to move to a bigger church where I can meet more people as the one I'm currently at doesn't have people around my age really. Mainly just a few kids & then everyone else like middle aged other than a few elderly people. I come here too because it's the closest one to where I live.
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heretohelp13
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been dating this girl for a year and a half now and through her parents have I found out that she lied to me about her body count. We both graduated from Uni last year (both aged 21) and when we did she had a party at her house inviting loads of her friends. This was where this was first brought up, as when friends of hers and mine that aren't waiting for marriage mentioned sex and would talk about how I'm waiting, one of her friends would say that she (my girlfriend) hasn't waited even though my girlfriend goes and says that she's waiting. Fastforward a couple months (today), I went to meet her parents for the first time. I stayed and ate dinner there and I was being questioned heavily by her father. I could tell that he was a protective dad that wanted the best guy for his daughter through our conversation. He was asking me many questions, e.g. my degree, job, grade, etc. Then he goes and asks me about my bodycount, which I believe he did due to wanting a good fit for his daughter idk and he did mention that he doesn't want her with an f boy. So then I go tell him that I've never had sex and I'm waiting for marriage. He then goes and asks me if I want a partner that's doing the same and I replied saying yes, as I want someone with the same values as me etc and my beliefs (Christianity). Then he goes and tells me that then his daughter wouldn't be suitable because she's had sex before. And that's what's kind of annoyed me. She said to me for ages that she's never had sex either when she first brought it up before we started dating even (we were friends first and we would speak about everything pretty much) so to find out that she's lied to me for years is quite disappointing. Kind of feel like she's wasted my time too.

When her dad went and said that, her face went pink and then she tried saying that this was before she went out with me. And that's the most confusing part. Because when I found out that she lied the first time, I realised that hey, if she can lie once about her past to me, she definitely can/has again. So she couldve even have had sex with another person whilst being with me. Idk for sure. Point is though, I just feel like she's wasted my time. Don't get me wrong, I have sexual urges at times but I know it's against my religion to pursue them which is why I'm trying to follow what is said in the Bible and so for her to do it and lie about it stinks. That's why I posted this here as I believe I should end this relationship with her as there's no point being with someone that doesn't follow the sane morals I follow & already lied about something big for a long long but I need clarity on how I can meet a girl in the future that actually hasn't had sex. Would you guys believe I just gotta hope I meet a girl I like at church? Or is there any other ways in the future that I can meet a girl that's actually waiting for marriage that actually is and isn't lying about it. Because if church is my only way, maybe I'll need to move to a bigger church where I can meet more people as the one I'm currently at doesn't have people around my age really. Mainly just a few kids & then everyone else like middle aged other than a few elderly people. I come here too because it's the closest one to where I live.
I feel a little sorry for both of you. It's never nice being lied to, full stop. However, I'm an atheist so I don't really get the no sex before marriage thing. Sexual chemistry is extremely important in a relationship, and there's no way to know if you have it with each other until you have sex. Perhaps the root cause of the issue is the way you and she might be seeing sex? Perhaps there isn't this big need to wait?

Sex is a normal, healthy drive like hunger, thirst and the need to sleep. It isn't a big sinful thing, and definitely not something to be ashamed of or to hide. Perhaps your girlfriend lied because she loves you and was too afraid to lose you to tell you, or too ashamed. Having sex doesn't make her a bad person, it makes her a person. People have sex, it's totally normal inside and outside of marriage.

Don't get me wrong, you have your beliefs and fair enough. But the centre of a marriage, or any relationship, has to be love, trust, communication, openness, respect, laughter, honest and, well, good sex. The centre of relationship cannot be admonitions, regulations, judgment, fear and secrets.

Perhaps you need to talk to her about how the lies hurt your feelings. Do this in a calm, non judgmental way. And give her a chance to explain. You don't know all the facts, and how are you going to marry someone if you are afraid to talk to each other about sex? Let her speak to you rather than jumping to conclusions and letting your imagination run away with you. If you really want to marry her, maybe start with a little kindness and understanding before making a decision? Give her a safe space to open up to you, where she knows you won't judge her. That's the best way to get the truth.

Best of luck.
Last edited by heretohelp13; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #2
#3
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#3
My opinion would be dump her. She lied to you for years and she also could’ve given you HIV. Also her dad asking you about your body count was a bit weird too! She seems a little bit too forward with her actions.

Yeah it is possible for you to find someone. I’m a girl which is the exact same religion and not much experience with sex at all. So I think there’s plenty but you really have to not go with the girls that are well known (hoes) and some of them can even look like it
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Anonymous #3
#4
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I don't think you should, firstly because it's very easy to lie or be secretive to you if she likes you especially when the relationship could have terminated prematurely if she told you she wasn't virgin initially due to your high moral standards.
Also, she told that lie way back when you were not too advanced in the relationship so I think it's forgivable.
Moreover, Good luck finding virgin girls out there that aren't lying about it and aren't in relationships already. Lastly sex before marriage isn't the ultimate rule in Christianity, I believe love is. Cast a stone at her if you haven't or wouldn't lie to protect something you love.
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Anonymous #4
#5
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#5
the fact taht her dad asked u and said ur both not suitable just shows how he doesnt want u
u dont deserve this family or this trashy girl
as someone whos also waiting fr marriage because of my religion too i personally only want a man whos a virgin-not a liar as the whole point of marriage is trust and if someone can deceive their other half to be before marriage-wats its worth
in terms of the atheist i understand where u may be coming from but i think as this persons religious, religion plays a key part in this and what about the honesty?-humans dont lie unless they have something to hide

like uve alreaddy mentioned she could deceive u in the future-but u wont be able to do much
the fact that ur even thinking about leaving her for her virginity-just shows how important u feel ur religion is wen choosing a girl and u already feel shes not the one

so dont doubt urself and it may seem harsh but u knw u need to dump her
at the end of the day she deceived u not vice versa and if ur looking fr a serious marriage partner from the sounds of it u can find someone far more trustworthy, honest and someone who u can truly love

hope that helps
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candydiva
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#6
U r 21 and conducting a body count discussion with her parents who not only know this but presume to judge her and control her partner selection with this information??!! OMG!

Run away run away run away run away etc...

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YaliaV123
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That didn’t happen.
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StriderHort
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Sounds made up.
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londonmyst
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#9
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Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
If she has openly lied to you by falsely claiming to be a virgin rather than just fuelling misleading impressions by saying that she is waiting until marriage, it is likely that all trust is the relationship has been decimated and the two of you are now incompatible.
I do find her father's behaviour and questioning very odd, wouldn't want anything to do with him or any member of his family.

Quite a few of my friends support sexual abstinence until marriage, as do my mother and maternal grandmother.
I don't, sexual compatibility and mutual attraction is important to me.
If only dating a virgin and waiting until marriage are your dealbreakers, you know what to do.
Good luck!
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username5898386
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end it if you are not happy
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Anonymous #5
#11
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Well, ngl op from what I have read it sounds like you have already made your mind up on dumping her and just wanted to release that sound board here to justify it in your head so pointless giving any advice.

Personally I think it is a very insignificant lie and you are making your brain move 10 steps ahead on all sorts of assumptions about her character from one little white lie. You dated her for 1 and half years do you really think she has been or acted trashy when she was with you? Else why would you stay with her for so long? Tbh, she is under no obligation to share such an intimate detail to you and probably hasn't because gosh, check out the judgement she has received from others in this thread calling her a trashy girl? Not feeling that Christian love everyone lol, you guys make it sound like she has been riding a train of d*cks lmao her dad only said she had had sex before, he didn't provide a number
Using Christianity as your reasoning doesn't make you superior or classier than her, good for you if that's what you believe but try and stay humble though.

The way I see it is, she liked you a lot and really wanted you both to work (not you get scared off) and that is testimony to the committed relationship you have both been in so far where she has respected your abstinence, sounds like a great girlfriend to me learn to appreciate that.

That aside, feels very off for her dad to even go there in conversation, that's just another level of weird and maybe his way of trying to scare you off so keep that in mind if you want him as an in law.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by heretohelp13)
I feel a little sorry for both of you. It's never nice being lied to, full stop. However, I'm an atheist so I don't really get the no sex before marriage thing. Sexual chemistry is extremely important in a relationship, and there's no way to know if you have it with each other until you have sex. Perhaps the root cause of the issue is the way you and she might be seeing sex? Perhaps there isn't this big need to wait?

Sex is a normal, healthy drive like hunger, thirst and the need to sleep. It isn't a big sinful thing, and definitely not something to be ashamed of or to hide. Perhaps your girlfriend lied because she loves you and was too afraid to lose you to tell you, or too ashamed. Having sex doesn't make her a bad person, it makes her a person. People have sex, it's totally normal inside and outside of marriage.

Don't get me wrong, you have your beliefs and fair enough. But the centre of a marriage, or any relationship, has to be love, trust, communication, openness, respect, laughter, honest and, well, good sex. The centre of relationship cannot be admonitions, regulations, judgment, fear and secrets.

Perhaps you need to talk to her about how the lies hurt your feelings. Do this in a calm, non judgmental way. And give her a chance to explain. You don't know all the facts, and how are you going to marry someone if you are afraid to talk to each other about sex? Let her speak to you rather than jumping to conclusions and letting your imagination run away with you. If you really want to marry her, maybe start with a little kindness and understanding before making a decision? Give her a safe space to open up to you, where she knows you won't judge her. That's the best way to get the truth.

Best of luck.
She lied when we weren't even dating though. We were only friends when she first started lying saying that she's never had sex, etc. And part of me feels like what's the point of waiting for marriage with someone that doesn't follow the same morals and someone that I don't trust. How can I trust her when she's lied this easily for years.

(Original post by Anonymous)
My opinion would be dump her. She lied to you for years and she also could’ve given you HIV. Also her dad asking you about your body count was a bit weird too! She seems a little bit too forward with her actions.

Yeah it is possible for you to find someone. I’m a girl which is the exact same religion and not much experience with sex at all. So I think there’s plenty but you really have to not go with the girls that are well known (hoes) and some of them can even look like it
Yeah, I'm just wondering if I'll be able to find what I'm looking for in church because I dont come across too many people that are outside of church.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think you should, firstly because it's very easy to lie or be secretive to you if she likes you especially when the relationship could have terminated prematurely if she told you she wasn't virgin initially due to your high moral standards.
Also, she told that lie way back when you were not too advanced in the relationship so I think it's forgivable.
Moreover, Good luck finding virgin girls out there that aren't lying about it and aren't in relationships already. Lastly sex before marriage isn't the ultimate rule in Christianity, I believe love is. Cast a stone at her if you haven't or wouldn't lie to protect something you love.
But she's lied for years about it. Not like it's just been one day. She's basically lied about herself during the entirety of our relationship - friendship and when we started dating. Also part of me feels what's the point when I don't trust her now and we don't share the same morals.
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karl pilkington
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#13
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#13
******** did that happen
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Anonymous #1
#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
the fact taht her dad asked u and said ur both not suitable just shows how he doesnt want u
u dont deserve this family or this trashy girl
as someone whos also waiting fr marriage because of my religion too i personally only want a man whos a virgin-not a liar as the whole point of marriage is trust and if someone can deceive their other half to be before marriage-wats its worth
in terms of the atheist i understand where u may be coming from but i think as this persons religious, religion plays a key part in this and what about the honesty?-humans dont lie unless they have something to hide

like uve alreaddy mentioned she could deceive u in the future-but u wont be able to do much
the fact that ur even thinking about leaving her for her virginity-just shows how important u feel ur religion is wen choosing a girl and u already feel shes not the one

so dont doubt urself and it may seem harsh but u knw u need to dump her
at the end of the day she deceived u not vice versa and if ur looking fr a serious marriage partner from the sounds of it u can find someone far more trustworthy, honest and someone who u can truly love

hope that helps
Yes, thank you. I know that's what I need to do, honestly. If she can lie this easily about being a virgin she probably has lied about other things too.

(Original post by candydiva)
U r 21 and conducting a body count discussion with her parents who not only know this but presume to judge her and control her partner selection with this information??!! OMG!

Run away run away run away run away etc...

Well she has a protective father, so I guess he wanted to make sure she's with the right guy for her I guess idk. But him saying himself that we aren't compatible does raise a few flags.

(Original post by YaliaV123)
That didn’t happen.
Honestly, I wish it was. Kinda feel bummed about this tbh, because I've wasted 2 years of my life now in this relationship. I'm still only 21 though, so there's plenty of time left.

(Original post by StriderHort)
Sounds made up.
Honestly, I wish it was made up.

(Original post by londonmyst)
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
If she has openly lied to you by falsely claiming to be a virgin rather than just fuelling misleading impressions by saying that she is waiting until marriage, it is likely that all trust is the relationship has been decimated and the two of you are now incompatible.
I do find her father's behaviour and questioning very odd, wouldn't want anything to do with him or any member of his family.

Quite a few of my friends support sexual abstinence until marriage, as do my mother and maternal grandmother.
I don't, sexual compatibility and mutual attraction is important to me.
If only dating a virgin and waiting until marriage are your dealbreakers, you know what to do.
Good luck!
Yes, thank you

(Original post by Sinead nay)
end it if you are not happy
I'm just frustrated with the lying and how we don't share the same morals man.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Well, ngl op from what I have read it sounds like you have already made your mind up on dumping her and just wanted to release that sound board here to justify it in your head so pointless giving any advice.

Personally I think it is a very insignificant lie and you are making your brain move 10 steps ahead on all sorts of assumptions about her character from one little white lie. You dated her for 1 and half years do you really think she has been or acted trashy when she was with you? Else why would you stay with her for so long? Tbh, she is under no obligation to share such an intimate detail to you and probably hasn't because gosh, check out the judgement she has received from others in this thread calling her a trashy girl? Not feeling that Christian love everyone lol, you guys make it sound like she has been riding a train of d*cks lmao her dad only said she had had sex before, he didn't provide a number
Using Christianity as your reasoning doesn't make you superior or classier than her, good for you if that's what you believe but try and stay humble though.

The way I see it is, she liked you a lot and really wanted you both to work (not you get scared off) and that is testimony to the committed relationship you have both been in so far where she has respected your abstinence, sounds like a great girlfriend to me learn to appreciate that.

That aside, feels very off for her dad to even go there in conversation, that's just another level of weird and maybe his way of trying to scare you off so keep that in mind if you want him as an in law.
She shouldn't be lying to me though and she has ever since we started being friends. Also, if she knows my dealbreakers, why did she try to pursue a relationship with me anyways. I don't feel superior either, I just want someone that shares the same values as me and her lying about this especially frustrates me.

Also dont you think her dad knows better than I do as to if it would work.

Think about it:
She's already had sex with a couple guys whereas I've never had sex with anyone and am waiting for marriage.
Maybe her dad knows she wouldn't be able to resist waiting or something idk. Added to the fact that we don't have the same morals.
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ageshallnot
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#15
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#15
Personally, I find your use of the phrase "body count" distasteful. Why did you not phrase it as to whether she had had sex before?
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by karl pilkington)
******** did that happen
Honestly, I wish I was lying but this all happened. I use to back out of meeting parents because I was too shy and not confident to and it didn't help with her saying that her dad is super-overprotective. I have a female friend who's dad is like that, so I kinda knew what I was going into. He would threaten her potential partners and make them uncomfortable. I also have a male friend that got threatened by his girlfriends dad too and with him being more confident and outgoing than I am, I just felt at the time that it wasn't the right time for me to meet her parents.

But after 18 months, I felt like I needed to do this to progress the relationship and now here we are. I doubt her dad does like me, looking at what he said but is he wrong about us not being compatible? Think about it, we have different values & morals and would this work long-term wise. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon (I'd like to in my early 30s probably) so would someone that's already had many sexual partners even be willing to wait 10 more years to next have sex? I doubt it, honestly. I don't know anyone that's had sex before that has said to me that they'd be fine in a relationship where sex wasn't involved.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
Personally, I find your use of the phrase "body count" distasteful. Why did you not phrase it as to whether she had had sex before?
I don't know, I just didn't. But my point is anyways, her body count is pretty high and would she be able to wait 10 years to next have sex? I doubt it man, honestly. Her dad must be right on us not being it for eachother.

It would be far easier to overlook one sexual partner to loads (which is what she's had) too so it's just complicated at this point. Ideally, I'd want a girl that's also waiting for marriage and is a virgin like myself as I want the relationship to be based purely around God
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ROTL94 2
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#18
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#18
I personally would let go of outdated notions that barely anyone genuinely gives a **** about anymore.

(Original post by Anonymous)
so would someone that's already had many sexual partnersd.
What is this infamous 'body count' exactly? Are we talking one or 10+?
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know, I just didn't. But my point is anyways, her body count is pretty high and would she be able to wait 10 years to next have sex? I doubt it man, honestly. Her dad must be right on us not being it for eachother.

It would be far easier to overlook one sexual partner to loads (which is what she's had) too so it's just complicated at this point. Ideally, I'd want a girl that's also waiting for marriage and is a virgin like myself as I want the relationship to be based purely around God
I find it interesting that you've escalated her sexual activity from "a couple" to "loads".
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Chicken.M.
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My sister is waiting till marriage as well. She has a christian boyfriend that's doing the same. These people exist lol.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 3 months ago
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