mixed signals

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anon2731
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#1
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#1
so i've been besties with this girl for a couple years now and occasionally she hints at being married, living together and having kids. the problem is anytime i mention a relationship with her, she gets really annoyed with me and just shuts me down. i have no idea how to take these mixed signals. its like she's interested but really not and tbh makes me feel like i'm just a backup plan or something. anyone got any advice on this??
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candydiva
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#2
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R u making urself an orbiter for her?
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tinyperson
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#3
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#3
go for it
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anon2731
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#4
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#4
(Original post by candydiva)
R u making urself an orbiter for her?
tbh i'm not sure what you mean?
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anon2731
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#5
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#5
(Original post by tinyperson)
go for it
i've tried but she just shuts me down and gets annoyed with me. she says "i can see us being together a some point, just not now"
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j25_8
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#6
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#6
(Original post by anon2731)
so i've been besties with this girl for a couple years now and occasionally she hints at being married, living together and having kids. the problem is anytime i mention a relationship with her, she gets really annoyed with me and just shuts me down. i have no idea how to take these mixed signals. its like she's interested but really not and tbh makes me feel like i'm just a backup plan or something. anyone got any advice on this??
Unless she says the words “I like you”, assume she does not like you like that. Yes, even if she talks about marrying you or living with you or having children. If she keeps on talking about that stuff with you: you know annoyed she gets whenever you bring up an actual relationship with her? Be similarly annoyed or blunt when she talks about being with you because you clearly don’t like it.
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candydiva
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#7
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#7
(Original post by anon2731)
tbh i'm not sure what you mean?
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=orbiter
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anon2731
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#8
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#8
(Original post by j25_8)
Unless she says the words “I like you”, assume she does not like you like that. Yes, even if she talks about marrying you or living with you or having children. If she keeps on talking about that stuff with you: you know annoyed she gets whenever you bring up an actual relationship with her? Be similarly annoyed or blunt when she talks about being with you because you clearly don’t like it.
yeah i have been thinking of doing this tbh
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anon2731
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#9
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#9
ohh no it's not that. i'm the type of person who values an actual connection rather than sex. i try to create some distance sometimes and she will get mad if i don't join a call or something
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candydiva
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#10
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#10
(Original post by anon2731)
ohh no it's not that. i'm the type of person who values an actual connection rather than sex. i try to create some distance sometimes and she will get mad if i don't join a call or something
Just curious... y is sex not an "actual connection"?
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anon2731
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#11
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#11
(Original post by candydiva)
Just curious... y is sex not an "actual connection"?
no it is what i mean is i prefer emotional/spiritual connection to physical i guess
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j25_8
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#12
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#12
(Original post by anon2731)
yeah i have been thinking of doing this tbh
I’ve also read that she told you she might go out with you in the future but not now?

Honestly mate, don’t waste your time. I’m not saying don’t be friends with her but it’s obvious she’s not into you because if she was she would’ve just told you she was. So if she’s not into you, and you’re not going to date her for the foreseeable future, why would you waste your time now just for the chance of dating her? You’re only preventing yourself from finding someone who will make you just as happy as her or even happier. I’ve been in her position before and pretty much every time I’ve said “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” it’s been a nice way of saying I didn’t want one with them specifically. You obviously don’t wanna be rude and say “I don’t want one with you specifically” because that would mess up your friendship, so that is our justification for the “not right now” bit. It’s not honest obviously but when you’re young, immature and unwilling to hurt people’s feelings (like i was) those are just the only words you can come up with. This is a long way of me saying she probably doesn’t like you back that way - go and get dating
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anon2731
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#13
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#13
(Original post by candydiva)
Just curious... y is sex not an "actual connection"?
no it is what i mean is i prefer emotional/spiritual connection to physical i guess

(Original post by j25_8)
I’ve also read that she told you she might go out with you in the future but not now?

Honestly mate, don’t waste your time. I’m not saying don’t be friends with her but it’s obvious she’s not into you because if she was she would’ve just told you she was. So if she’s not into you, and you’re not going to date her for the foreseeable future, why would you waste your time now just for the chance of dating her? You’re only preventing yourself from finding someone who will make you just as happy as her or even happier. I’ve been in her position before and pretty much every time I’ve said “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” it’s been a nice way of saying I didn’t want one with them specifically. You obviously don’t wanna be rude and say “I don’t want one with you specifically” because that would mess up your friendship, so that is our justification for the “not right now” bit. It’s not honest obviously but when you’re young, immature and unwilling to hurt people’s feelings (like i was) those are just the only words you can come up with. This is a long way of me saying she probably doesn’t like you back that way - go and get dating
thanks for the advice, makes sense tbh. i just kinda wasn't ready to accept that a go with it. **** hurts like
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