Back
to top
Sleeping with my best friend's housemate
Watch this threadPage 1 of 1
Go to first unread
Skip to page:
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Hi,
My best friend and I have known each other for over 20 years, she's like a sister to me.
We are now both in our 20s, she has housemates. I obviously met them when she moved in; we quickly started going out as a group, always had lots of fun.
It turns out one of her housemates - who also happened to be her favorite housemate - took a liking to me. I know he was her favorite because she told me. However, she always said that she was not attracted to him physically (to the point of being "disgusted" when thinking about being intimate with him), but she just really liked him as a friend, said he was more like a brother to her. Plus, her rule is to not date housemates. On a side note, she's also the one who used to constantly tell me he really liked me, even when I didn't realize it at first.
Fast forward to today: her housemate and I are sleeping together. I honestly didn't think much of it when it happened for the first time a few weeks ago (also because I was drunk). In my mind, I wasn't doing anything wrong. He's single, I'm single, my best friend was like "yuck" when talking about having a relationship with him. What's the big deal? We can still have sex while they're best buds... Or is that impossible? Am I being delusional here?
Because ever since that happened, she's been acting weird. She stopped having actual genuine and deep conversations with him, she sort of avoids him when she sees him at the house, makes it awkward. When we hang, she's different (I've been super close with her for years, she's never acted that way before). She's colder. When she talks to me, she avoids mentioning his name when she tells me a story about the house (which happens often because, I mean... she lives there).
How on earth did it get to this point? Why? Am I a selfish b*tch? Can't I have sex with my friends' friends? I really don't get it. I've been beating myself up over this for the past couple of days and it's driving me insane. I don't even know if I feel intense sadness or anger. I've been going through a rough patch lately - finally ended a horrible relationship that lasted years - I finally (and for the first time in my life) have a positive experience with a guy, and then this happens. I wish she could just be happy for me and we could hang the way we used to. But is he off limits to me because he's her housemate? Should I end things with him?
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
My best friend and I have known each other for over 20 years, she's like a sister to me.
We are now both in our 20s, she has housemates. I obviously met them when she moved in; we quickly started going out as a group, always had lots of fun.
It turns out one of her housemates - who also happened to be her favorite housemate - took a liking to me. I know he was her favorite because she told me. However, she always said that she was not attracted to him physically (to the point of being "disgusted" when thinking about being intimate with him), but she just really liked him as a friend, said he was more like a brother to her. Plus, her rule is to not date housemates. On a side note, she's also the one who used to constantly tell me he really liked me, even when I didn't realize it at first.
Fast forward to today: her housemate and I are sleeping together. I honestly didn't think much of it when it happened for the first time a few weeks ago (also because I was drunk). In my mind, I wasn't doing anything wrong. He's single, I'm single, my best friend was like "yuck" when talking about having a relationship with him. What's the big deal? We can still have sex while they're best buds... Or is that impossible? Am I being delusional here?
Because ever since that happened, she's been acting weird. She stopped having actual genuine and deep conversations with him, she sort of avoids him when she sees him at the house, makes it awkward. When we hang, she's different (I've been super close with her for years, she's never acted that way before). She's colder. When she talks to me, she avoids mentioning his name when she tells me a story about the house (which happens often because, I mean... she lives there).
How on earth did it get to this point? Why? Am I a selfish b*tch? Can't I have sex with my friends' friends? I really don't get it. I've been beating myself up over this for the past couple of days and it's driving me insane. I don't even know if I feel intense sadness or anger. I've been going through a rough patch lately - finally ended a horrible relationship that lasted years - I finally (and for the first time in my life) have a positive experience with a guy, and then this happens. I wish she could just be happy for me and we could hang the way we used to. But is he off limits to me because he's her housemate? Should I end things with him?
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Last edited by Jennmc; 3 months ago
1
reply
Zarek
Badges:
21
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report
#2
Ask her what’s up. Maybe she fancied him really, maybe she resents the competition for time with you. People are funny
0
reply
Napp
Badges:
22
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report
#3
Dont **** where you eat is the general advice here.
Its not completely unreasonable for her to be miffed at you sleeping with her friends imo. She might not have a particul;ar right to bve angry or the like as she didnt have any interest in him (although are you actually sure of thast given the reaction?). A fair few people dont like to mix their friend groups, let alone have them sleep togewther, as it can end rather badly - say if you and him blew up imagine the position thatll leave her in?
Either way, just corner her and ask her what her problem is. She might have likled him and not been entirely honest on it, not want her friend groups going about behind her in this way etc. We can only guess as to why shes not amused.
How on earth did it get to this point? Why? Am I a selfish b*tch? I can't have sex with my friends' friends? I really don't get it. I've been beating myself up over this for the past couple of days and it's driving me insane. I don't even know if I feel intense sadness or anger. I've been going through a rough patch lately - finally ended a horrible relationship that lasted years - I finally (and for the first time in my life) have a positive experience with a guy, and she acts this way. I wish she could just be happy for me and I could talk to her about my experiences like we used to. But is he off limits to me because he's her (favorite) housemate? Should I end this thing we have going on? We have no future together anyway (due to circumstances), but I'd like to spend time with him while I still can. He always invites me over.
Either way, just corner her and ask her what her problem is. She might have likled him and not been entirely honest on it, not want her friend groups going about behind her in this way etc. We can only guess as to why shes not amused.
0
reply
Report
#4
I would be annoyed in her position because there were many other men you could have chosen for a FWB situation. I find the use of your past relationship to justify things manipulate and distasteful to be honest. You have put her in an awkward position and been selfish IMO.
0
reply
StriderHort
Badges:
21
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report
#5
Meh,
I can also see why they might not be too pleased, as from an entirely selfish view you are messing about with the dynamics of their home. On the other hand they are a free agent and it's a free country, any ongoing reaction beyond mild annoyance is hard to justify.
I can also see why they might not be too pleased, as from an entirely selfish view you are messing about with the dynamics of their home. On the other hand they are a free agent and it's a free country, any ongoing reaction beyond mild annoyance is hard to justify.
0
reply
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
(Original post by Napp)
Dont **** where you eat is the general advice here.
Its not completely unreasonable for her to be miffed at you sleeping with her friends imo. She might not have a particul;ar right to bve angry or the like as she didnt have any interest in him (although are you actually sure of thast given the reaction?). A fair few people dont like to mix their friend groups, let alone have them sleep togewther, as it can end rather badly - say if you and him blew up imagine the position thatll leave her in?
Either way, just corner her and ask her what her problem is. She might have likled him and not been entirely honest on it, not want her friend groups going about behind her in this way etc. We can only guess as to why shes not amused.
Dont **** where you eat is the general advice here.
Its not completely unreasonable for her to be miffed at you sleeping with her friends imo. She might not have a particul;ar right to bve angry or the like as she didnt have any interest in him (although are you actually sure of thast given the reaction?). A fair few people dont like to mix their friend groups, let alone have them sleep togewther, as it can end rather badly - say if you and him blew up imagine the position thatll leave her in?
Either way, just corner her and ask her what her problem is. She might have likled him and not been entirely honest on it, not want her friend groups going about behind her in this way etc. We can only guess as to why shes not amused.
0
reply
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I would be annoyed in her position because there were many other men you could have chosen for a FWB situation. I find the use of your past relationship to justify things manipulate and distasteful to be honest. You have put her in an awkward position and been selfish IMO.
I would be annoyed in her position because there were many other men you could have chosen for a FWB situation. I find the use of your past relationship to justify things manipulate and distasteful to be honest. You have put her in an awkward position and been selfish IMO.
How is her position awkward? Maybe if you explain I might agree and just ends things altogether.
Last edited by Jennmc; 3 months ago
0
reply
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
(Original post by StriderHort)
Meh,
I can also see why they might not be too pleased, as from an entirely selfish view you are messing about with the dynamics of their home. On the other hand they are a free agent and it's a free country, any ongoing reaction beyond mild annoyance is hard to justify.
Meh,
I can also see why they might not be too pleased, as from an entirely selfish view you are messing about with the dynamics of their home. On the other hand they are a free agent and it's a free country, any ongoing reaction beyond mild annoyance is hard to justify.
0
reply
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
(Original post by Zarek)
Ask her what’s up. Maybe she fancied him really, maybe she resents the competition for time with you. People are funny
Ask her what’s up. Maybe she fancied him really, maybe she resents the competition for time with you. People are funny
We've never been lovey-dovey around her, I treat him the way I used to when she's around (and the ultimate proof is the fact that nobody in the house knows about us hooking up and I'd like to keep it that way for the time being). Makes me sad.
1
reply
Fruli
Badges:
20
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report
#10
Sounds like she fancied him. It's not your fault she wasn't honest with you. That's her problem, not yours. You can't please everyone.
1
reply
Chicken.M.
Badges:
20
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Surnia
Badges:
19
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report
#12
Maybe she resents you intruding on her domain, because the house is her thing, and she was kind of showing off to you that she's an adult and has all this (rhetorical question: what are your circumstances, eg did you move out first?). Maybe she did fancy him. Maybe she's more insecure than she lets on and is scared of losing 2 good friends and being a third wheel/left out completely; who knows? And you won't know if she won't talk, and you've made the effort. Has the guy noticed things being different, and has he spoken with her?
Otherwise, two single people hook up; nothing wrong with that!
Otherwise, two single people hook up; nothing wrong with that!
0
reply
Jennmc
Badges:
3
Rep:
?
You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
(Original post by Surnia)
Maybe she resents you intruding on her domain, because the house is her thing, and she was kind of showing off to you that she's an adult and has all this (rhetorical question: what are your circumstances, eg did you move out first?). Maybe she did fancy him. Maybe she's more insecure than she lets on and is scared of losing 2 good friends and being a third wheel/left out completely; who knows? And you won't know if she won't talk, and you've made the effort. Has the guy noticed things being different, and has he spoken with her?
Otherwise, two single people hook up; nothing wrong with that!
Maybe she resents you intruding on her domain, because the house is her thing, and she was kind of showing off to you that she's an adult and has all this (rhetorical question: what are your circumstances, eg did you move out first?). Maybe she did fancy him. Maybe she's more insecure than she lets on and is scared of losing 2 good friends and being a third wheel/left out completely; who knows? And you won't know if she won't talk, and you've made the effort. Has the guy noticed things being different, and has he spoken with her?
Otherwise, two single people hook up; nothing wrong with that!
Thanks for your feedback. She decided to organize an only girls thing tonight (which is weird because we've never banned guys from our nights out before, who cares) and she doesn't want to end the party at their house anymore (which is also weird and doesn't make sense anyway because if I really wanted to see him, I could just send him a message and he'd let me in). I'll see how it goes and will try to assess the situation based on that. I am seriously considering ending things altogether.
Last edited by Jennmc; 3 months ago
0
reply
X
Page 1 of 1
Go to first unread
Skip to page:
Quick Reply
