Being told you have herpes and horrible arguments

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
Ok I’ve been in serve pain and can barely move due to a blister on my vagina. I took myself hospital they sent me to clinic. The doctor said looks like I have herpes , gave me local anaesthetic to put on the blister as I was taking co codomol Which even has codiene but it wasn’t helping the pain as it was so bad, they also gave me the medication for herpes and told me I need to wait 7 days for results. I told the guy Im sleeping with ( haven’t seen him for a month as I just came back from abroad) we usually see eachother frequently. He wasn’t supportive , nice or sensitive. He just shouted and said why am I accusing him and how I probably did something while abroad. Anyways I told him to get tested but he also didn’t make it a priority to it took him days. We have argued everyday about this. The doctor was pretty adamant I had it as he said that’s how it appears. I told the guy this and he wanted to call up the clinic for some reason. He then said he got checkup and waiting for results then texted and said ‘happy now?’ Which was so patronising because it’s for his health too. Honestly I just went mad and insulted him with every name under the sun. He also said he’s 120% sure he hasn’t got it because he has no symptoms which I explained that is ignorant to think like that because you don’t always get symptoms. He said why am I blaming him I said because you’re the only person since my ex who I got tested with that I’ve been sleeping with but he refused to believe that he said I don’t know what you do when you leave my house and said I might be trying to manipulate him. I’m in serve pain and depressed about this news and he’s acting like the biggest ass about this. I say to him youre a grown man and been so insensitive to me about such a serious situation , it makes me believe you know you had it and are guilty probably going around infecting people. He then turns around and says to me your the one catching diseases you should be ashamed of yourself!

I end up loosing it and saying ‘go f’ing die, I hate you, you’re so evil and disgusting’. An hour later I get texted the results and it says all negative. I am in shock because the doctor was so adamant and now I don’t know what this blister is for and why I was given herpes medication .

Since I landed 5 days ago I started noticing the pain. Me and him was in such a good place as in he asked me to move in with him and also wanted me to come off the plane and go to his house and he would pick me up but I said no because I was with friends at the airport. But I told him I wasn’t feeling well but I had pain down there.


I’m now regretting how I spoke to him and insulted him but he literally was so patronising and provoked me so much. He seemed so guilty and made me feel 100% times worse everytime I would speak to him.

What do I do? After the argument I removed him off all socials but kept him on WhatsApp. I said I would never see him again because of the stress and depression this situation has caused me the past couple days. Now my test is negative I don’t know what to think. I believe you should sleep with people who respect you , are supportive with you and are there for you in bad situations. ( ps one of the other reasons I believed he was guilty because I saw on his phone months ago dating apps and notifications recent notifications of usage and multiple women messaging him however he denied using it and said he don’t use it it’s just on his phone and made a big argument out of it saying multiple times ‘he don’t want to loose his temper’ saying I was accusing him but I was just telling him what I had seen.


Please can I get advice
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Muttly
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#2
Report 3 months ago
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I know my answer is short and I apologise for not taking each part. But - Why is this one man out of so many million so important to you in your life? He doesn't show you much respect. Is he the only man who has shown you attention? Why are you allowing someone to disrespect you so badly? Clearly there is no trust here so what is your obsession in keeping this relationship going? Is this a loving, caring trusting relationship? Only you know what you are prepared to put up with? If its misery now its hardly likely to improve as time goes by? I sense you will always be useful to him so you think you should keep going? Please read what you have written and see how many times you are making excuses for him? Please step outside of this bubble and talk to some one at Uni or college in confidence about what is happening for you here?
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by Muttly)
I know my answer is short and I apologise for not taking each part. But - Why is this one man out of so many million so important to you in your life? He doesn't show you much respect. Is he the only man who has shown you attention? Why are you allowing someone to disrespect you so badly? Clearly there is no trust here so what is your obsession in keeping this relationship going? Is this a loving, caring trusting relationship? Only you know what you are prepared to put up with? If its misery now its hardly likely to improve as time goes by? I sense you will always be useful to him so you think you should keep going? Please read what you have written and see how many times you are making excuses for him? Please step outside of this bubble and talk to some one at Uni or college in confidence about what is happening for you here?
Hey, so we aren’t in a relationship. I have apologised to him about telling him horrible things because I guess that’s not my character but I don’t regret it. Apart from this we are good hes told me to move( although I wouldn’t ) he’s been wanting to see me since I arrived. But I think I should not see him again because this showed his true colours ? Although the test came back negative.
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Muttly
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#4
Report 3 months ago
#4
When you look at what you have written you should hold your head high - many people will cheer for you. Don't regret how you felt. When you unleashed that fury against him it was understandable given the pain that you felt which you believe had been needlessly inflicted on you. Anyone who has had ulcers or other blisters on the 'lady parts' will say that you need morphine at the very least - it is just so so awful.

So you have definitely been to hell and back. Any illness or STD isn't a reflection on who we are any more than getting the flu or a cold makes you a bad person. Whilst a partner might be a bit shocked at some unwelcome news you would expect them to behave in a calm and sensible way. Many people are self centred and selfish and only care about how something will affect them. You knew something wasn't right. Your suspicions were based against your partner and you believed those blisters might have come from him. You alone know what is truth. The trust between you though seems to be as strong as mist on a foggy day. Its hard to pin down, hard to grasp and hard to see through. You have taken all the sensible and correct steps to self guard not only your health, but his too (and the health of others if he is sleeping with them) He seems very used to demanding what others should do as he wants and expecting them to dance to his tune. I guess if you don't get anything back here - the term is 'consideration' for how you might feel, what you might like to do, how you are and what he should do in your best interests? He asks you to do things so long as his interests are met? Yes you are right to sense his true colours. Your doubts too are confirmed by his use of dating apps and the multiple messaging from other women.

I am sure so many people on this site will totally support you in your decisions to keep him at arms length and to stay right away. Our choices and decisions have a massive impact on a future happy life. You deserve to be treated like a million dollars by anyone who is interested in you for who you are. You should expect mutual respect and the freedom to have that relationship with open honest trust.
Well done for surviving this and being strong enough to now know your own mind. You will in time find that true soul mate, your true match and love - Hold firm - but in the meantime don't waver and be in any way seduced by a charm offensive and with sweet talk and empty promises.
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