How can I get over being rejected from Oxford?

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gp2
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#1
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#1
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
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Cote1
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#2
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#2
You may not have been happy at Oxford. Students not infrequently understandably become very focused on one particular university which becomes the 'be all and end all'. I have seen this with my friends' children yet when they have reluctantly gone to alternative universities they have often been very happy.
I have also seen some cases this year where students I know have been unhappy at their chosen university as it did not match their fantasies of what university life would be like at that particular place.

Nobody knows where they will be happy in terms of university. There are excellent universities out there.
I would focus on moving forward. An Oxford degree does not set people up for life. University is what you make of it to a large extent.
Last edited by Cote1; 3 months ago
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SylviaMarie1999
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#3
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#3
This is difficult. I'm really sorry you didn't get in. I would highly suggest watching 'behind the admissions process' videos on YouTube. The reason being, that it shows the process of how students do or don't get in and 99% of the time? it's down to factors that you really can't control and don't have any reflection of you as a student. Secondly, you don't have to just 'get over this', you know? You're allowed to process this, to feel disappointment, anger, sadness, envy and doubt. (or anything else you may be feeling). I would say that it's not all about the university you go to that determines your success. Have belief, I know you can, that Durham and/or St. Andrews will accept you and that these are going to be the universities you shine and thrive in. You are clearly a hard worker and care about your education/grades, this passion for literature can open doors for you regardless of where you are - don't lose sight of that. Lastly, while your friends are allowed to be happy, it's absolutely understandable if you take a small step back and give yourself some space away from their excitement. Remember that you will make new friends in the uni you do go to and it's not going to feel this lonely for ever. Look after yourself, rest and try to remind yourself why you want to study English Lit in the first place - is it for the physical place you could be studying at? Or is it because of your adoration and passion for the topic? Re-read your favourite pieces of work if you need this reminder. You've got this and as someone who didn't get into Oxford either, while her friends all did, I PROMISE you, it gets a lot better. I've realised since how amazing my second choice uni is and I'm so excited to be starting my degree this year. Good luck hun <3
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t.iris
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#4
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#4
(Original post by gp2)
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
hello, first of all so sorry to hear such sad news! but don’t take it as a reflection on your self worth please, sometimes they just can’t take everybody they’d like to. I was rejected from Oxford last year and it hurt, especially having to answer every person who asked about my application. But you will get over it, and i promise that rejection truly is redirection: i for one started another uni course and applied to cambridge, for a course that in hindsight is much better for me, i was just so blinded by my childhood dream of oxford… You were interviewed, which means that Oxford thought you were a strong applicant, which means that other unis will think so too! good luck!! xx
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Wired_1800
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#5
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#5
(Original post by gp2)
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
It would be difficult to get over Oxford until you hear back from Andrews or Durham. Hopefully, you get in and forget about Oxford.

It is normal that people focus on one thing e.g. one uni, but it can be unhealthy to put the uni at the centre of your existence.
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Thisismyunitsr
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#6
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#6
(Original post by gp2)
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
I know people who went to top universities and are now living off benefits or are doing minimum wage jobs. By contrast people who gained less than 5 GCSEs grades A - C and did bricklaying courses at the local FE college have salaries of £35k+ and are putting down deposits on houses.

University is no longer a guarantee of success and hasn’t been for the last 20 years. Find something else to fixate on and you shall be happier.
Last edited by Thisismyunitsr; 3 months ago
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Wired_1800
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#7
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(Original post by Thisismyunitsr)
I know people who went to top universities and are know living off benefits or are doing minimum wage jobs. By contrast people who gained less than 5 GCSEs grades A - C and did bricklaying courses at the local FE college have salaries of £35k+ and are putting down deposits on houses.

University is no longer a guarantee of success and hasn’t been for the last 20 years. Find something else to fixate on and you shall be happier.
It is important this point is stressed.
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STUPIDxREALITYXx
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#8
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#8
Bit unrelated to oxford, but I have recently been through a similar mindset. Due to my turbulent and consistently uprooted childhood in fostercare; I was never able to finish secondary school, leaving me with 0 GCSE's. This meant that I obviously could not do A-levels, even though I'm very bright and academic. I've had to take the BTEC route, which I guess has been good in the sense that I get the opportunity to attend/progress to university, but my choices are so limited... already been rejected from Royal Holloway and QMUL, because I'm "Not taking the correct qualifications for the course" even though I've been studying computers for 3 collective years and am set to get the highest grades available (D*D*D*)... massive smack to the face, and what feels like; a serrated pole being twisted in my stomach. Things out of your control can hurt the most, but I do believe things happen for a reason. Got an easy offer from Aberdeen and am just waiting on St Andrews. Its hard not to attack yourself in moments like these for obvious reasons, but give yourself some credit. Not many people even get to consider the idea of going to such an elite institute, so its a massive achievement in itself getting an interview. Good luck with the rest of your uni choices and remember: we are only human ^^
Last edited by STUPIDxREALITYXx; 3 months ago
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suej
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#9
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#9
(Original post by gp2)
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
Stumbled on this post by accident and had to reply. As a mother of a daughter who got rejected four years ago from Oxford...I completely understand how you are feeling, it is so hard at the time because it feels personal, but it really isn't . My daughter had a choral scholarship there and an interview which went really well according to feedback and still didn't get an offer. My daughter went on to Durham and did 3 years there and loves it so much she is staying for her Masters. She has said to me on numerous occasions that Durham is her place and that she feels she wouldn't have been as happy at Oxford. You won't feel that yet because it is too raw. When you get your offers through, go to the offer days. Durham is collegiate, and has a wonderful close knit community. The town is so friendly and it is a beautiful area. Similarly St Andrews, again is a fantastic uni, I have other family members who have studied there.. Just take heart that where you end up will be a great university. I know students who have gone to Oxford and have not been able to take advantage of the extra curricular because it is so full on. And uni isn't just about studying, it's the whole experience. If at the end of the day you still crave Oxford then you could always look to apply for a Masters later on. You don't have to feel okay about it yet but when your other offers come in you can then focus on those. Good luck. All will be fine and this sadness will pass.
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Sinnoh
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#10
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#10
(Original post by gp2)
I am a year 13 pupil who found out a couple of weeks ago about getting rejected from Oxford for English Literature. All of my closest friends who applied for Oxbridge (four of them) all got in to their dream universities, but I am really struggling to be truly happy for them. I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of all the congratulations messages they're getting from friends and families and that every time I hear them talk about it my stomach twists. I can't even go into one of their rooms because she has stuck up an entire wall of pictures of her college. I just need to get over this as soon as possible and stop feeling like I've missed a bus that all of my friends have managed to get a ticket onto. It hasn't helped that I haven't received decision from St Andrews or Durham and yet many others in my year group have, and likely won't do so until March. Any advice?
bloody hell that's a bit premature, she can still miss the offer and not get in!

All I can really say is you feel it a lot less and it matters a lot less once you start uni. You realise that you actually had no idea what it would have been like to study there, and if you have no clue then it's harder to be upset about not getting in.
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SylviaMarie1999
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#11
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#11
(Original post by suej)
Stumbled on this post by accident and had to reply. As a mother of a daughter who got rejected four years ago from Oxford...I completely understand how you are feeling, it is so hard at the time because it feels personal, but it really isn't . My daughter had a choral scholarship there and an interview which went really well according to feedback and still didn't get an offer. My daughter went on to Durham and did 3 years there and loves it so much she is staying for her Masters. She has said to me on numerous occasions that Durham is her place and that she feels she wouldn't have been as happy at Oxford. You won't feel that yet because it is too raw. When you get your offers through, go to the offer days. Durham is collegiate, and has a wonderful close knit community. The town is so friendly and it is a beautiful area. Similarly St Andrews, again is a fantastic uni, I have other family members who have studied there.. Just take heart that where you end up will be a great university. I know students who have gone to Oxford and have not been able to take advantage of the extra curricular because it is so full on. And uni isn't just about studying, it's the whole experience. If at the end of the day you still crave Oxford then you could always look to apply for a Masters later on. You don't have to feel okay about it yet but when your other offers come in you can then focus on those. Good luck. All will be fine and this sadness will pass.
Oh my gosh, this was such a lovely and reassuring reply. I can just feel how much you care and the motherly kindness is very apparent in your tone. Thank you for being so compassionate to OP
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gp2
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#12
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#12
I just want to take the opportunity to thank all of you for your lovely replies. I am feeling so much better about it now, and am enormously grateful for the kindness of all of you. I never expected to receive so many supportive comments, and its made me feel happier and ready to go to university wherever I end up! Thank you again and I wish all of you the best of luck in your own university experience / career / life!!! <3
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Thisismyunitsr
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#13
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#13
(Original post by gp2)
I just want to take the opportunity to thank all of you for your lovely replies. I am feeling so much better about it now, and am enormously grateful for the kindness of all of you. I never expected to receive so many supportive comments, and its made me feel happier and ready to go to university wherever I end up! Thank you again and I wish all of you the best of luck in your own university experience / career / life!!! <3
Thank you for your lovely reply! I hope you find success both personally and professionally in the future.
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Jonathanツ
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#14
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#14
Think of it this way

It's Oxfords loss, not yours
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micholate9
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#15
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#15
(Original post by gp2)
I just want to take the opportunity to thank all of you for your lovely replies. I am feeling so much better about it now, and am enormously grateful for the kindness of all of you. I never expected to receive so many supportive comments, and its made me feel happier and ready to go to university wherever I end up! Thank you again and I wish all of you the best of luck in your own university experience / career / life!!! <3
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I completely understand how you feel, especially about your friends getting in while you didn't. Like others have said, I promise you will find a place that you love and you will never look back. In the meantime, watch this video from an Oxford academic explaining how to deal with it:

https://youtu.be/fIjDn2mEc0E

On a sidenote, I too didn't get into Oxford a very long time ago. I was devastated. I ended up begrudgingly going to my 2nd choice, but I met the most wonderful people there who are now friends for life. I actually ended up marrying one of them, and I am truly grateful that our paths crossed at that uni which would not have happened at Oxford!
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