I compare myself to other girls and it got toxic

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
The other day, my boyfriend's housemates were all watching too hot to handle series as house and we joined in, it took me exactly 1 min until I was having a breakdown in the toilet, an irrational response to seeing gorgeous girls on the screen and me feeling 'what if I'm not enough, what if my boyfriend finds them more attractive than me, what if they turn him on more than me... Their big boobs, butt, slim waist, pretty face, their confidence, what if I'm not enough. Having a literal meltdown I couldn't stop and I don't know how I got myself in this position.

For a small backstory, Call it being big-headed or self-love, but I think I've always been on the 'prettier' side. Always been surrounded by people (and still am) who tell me that I'm beautiful, gorgeous, etc... Tall, slim, pretty face, tbh I don't have a problem with myself and I do love myself, I genuinely believe that all girls are gorgeous and there shouldn't be a competition, we should just all appreciate each other (it's like appreciating different dresses, just because one is different, its still as nice as the other one, it's unique and pretty in its own way)....but where did this sudden anxiety about my boyfriend of two years not finding me attractive enough come from?

He always and I mean since day one been supporting me, telling me how beautiful I am, how he doesn't want anyone else but me, doesn't stop to remind me how much I turn him on...if I dare to say I'm 'fat' or even hint at comparing myself to someone else he'd drop everything to give me a pep talk and prove me wrong. So where did this random anxiety come from? He is literally the definition of a 'perfect' boyfriend in that regard

But how did I find myself scrolling through who he follows and get upset if there is a pretty girl that none of his friends follows aka, he might not know her in person, I had to block one celebrity on insta after he casually mentioned he finds her attractive because I found myself on her page 24/7 just brutally comparing myself and putting myself down. If we're about to watch a movie, id tell him to skip the sex scenes because I'm worried he will finds the girl more attractive. We had to stop watching Witcher (i say i don't fancy it or lets watch something else instead) because of the naked scenes which I didn't want him to see, which is a shame cuz I like the show

Am I self-obsessed? am I insecure? I've got no idea but I'm definitely not ok because the past couple of weeks have driven me mad, and I can't pinpoint anything that made me feel this way because the last 2 years we've been dating I've never had this problem, we'd watch shows like love island, too hot to handle, even porn as a joke together, shows where there might have been half-naked girls never bothered me, but now I am suddenly so so scared that he won't find me attractive anymore especially when seeing someone prettier, and sexier is honestly driving me insane and as I found out from 2 days ago, started giving me panic attacks.

I tried to avoid being next to him when he's casually on insta, or tell him to put the phone down or come up with something else for us to do because I find myself just sat there ON EDGE waiting for a post of some girl to come up, or even worse tik-tok - my current nightmare if god forbid a video of some girl twerking comes. I am tired, I just want a break but my head is now messed up and I've got no idea how to fix this, only seems to be getting worse...
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Cy33
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#2
Report 3 months ago
#2
Girl, I can't give any proper advice but I feel for you. I'm very similar, my ADHD gives me the worst intrusive thoughts l, similar to yours. It's hard to snap out of.
Have you suggested counselling or therapy to work on this?
Your boyfriend loves you and is with YOU. If he wanted to be, he would be with someone else. Ground yourself in that. There's always better looking women, we cannot change that, but what they don't have are your own special specific traits which make you and your relationship special. Try to work on your own things, try not to compare. Easy to say, hard to do. Trust me, I'm there and I've been there. I've been through the checking the followers on ig, seeing what reels he watches, it isn't healthy and it is bad. It takes time though, takes time to feel safe, especially when you've been hurt in the past. My partner and I spend half the year apart, I ground myself through the ring he bought me, the necklace I own. I remind myself I am loved, and not to think these things and dispel the bad thoughts.

I think a nice date night for both of you, maybe one where you dress up, candle lit takeaway or whatever fancies you both and get him all hot and bothered, wanting more. It'll reinvigorate your own image that he finds you attractive. How's your sex life? If it's taken a dip it might be where these feelings are coming from.

I feel for you with watching the Witcher 😂😂 I cringe at sex scenes all the time and we just watched s1 together.
Last edited by Cy33; 3 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#3
(Original post by Cy33)
Girl, I can't give any proper advice but I feel for you. I'm very similar, my ADHD gives me the worst intrusive thoughts l, similar to yours. It's hard to snap out of.
Have you suggested counselling or therapy to work on this?
Your boyfriend loves you and is with YOU. If he wanted to be, he would be with someone else. Ground yourself in that. There's always better looking women, we cannot change that, but what they don't have are your own special specific traits which make you and your relationship special. Try to work on your own things, try not to compare. Easy to say, hard to do. Trust me, I'm there and I've been there. I've been through the checking the followers on ig, seeing what reels he watches, it isn't healthy and it is bad. It takes time though, takes time to feel safe, especially when you've been hurt in the past. My partner and I spend half the year apart, I ground myself through the ring he bought me, the necklace I own. I remind myself I am loved, and not to think these things and dispel the bad thoughts.

I think a nice date night for both of you, maybe one where you dress up, candle lit takeaway or whatever fancies you both and get him all hot and bothered, wanting more. It'll reinvigorate your own image that he finds you attractive. How's your sex life? If it's taken a dip it might be where these feelings are coming from.

I feel for you with watching the Witcher 😂😂 I cringe at sex scenes all the time and we just watched s1 together.
Haha, thanks, season 2 is meant to be good! But thank you, genuinely made me feel a bit better. I haven't considered therapy or anything because this has been so recent, just hoping ill snap out of it, but yh, not the best feeling in the world.
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Cy33
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#4
Report 3 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha, thanks, season 2 is meant to be good! But thank you, genuinely made me feel a bit better. I haven't considered therapy or anything because this has been so recent, just hoping ill snap out of it, but yh, not the best feeling in the world.
Hopefully just venting on a forum like this will help lift some feelings.
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Ghostlady
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#5
Report 3 months ago
#5
Its ok to be insecure, and the b/f sounds great. I dont think you have anything to worry about. And if someone is on tv, on the bus, or twerking its ok, because he loves you. You got what all those other girls dont and that you mean more, and you are more special to him than they are.
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candydiva
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#6
Report 3 months ago
#6
Girl this rel won't last. he won't want to deal with the mental stress forever. U admit urself this is irrational considering compared with all other TSR dudes this guy is steadfast and accommodating. tbh it would be mentally draining to deal with u the way that u describe ur feelings and habits.
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