Need help getting through hard times

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
Hi guys
I’ve been having a hard time for the past year especially realising the ‘truth’ about my past and family etc. I have t had consistent therapy and done a lot of trauma work alone with my go to YouTube psychologists who have a supportive community. It’s helped loads. But in my real life I slowly lost everyone as doing This work has changed me a lot and made me retreat. Coming out now clueless about who I am in this world and where to find my people. The people who made my life hell are in the same house. We haven’t spoken under the same roof for the year basically. It’s a house of emptiness and coldness.

I live in a remote area physically and financially I can’t meet people easily. My city nearby is also mostly demographic of not my age so even when I go to public things I tend not to meet peers or willing older friends.

How can I get through this tough time? On the surface I’m coping a lot better than I have ever done (dysfunction before) but deep down big things shifting and I feel lost.
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bant_bus
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#2
Report 3 months ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys
I’ve been having a hard time for the past year especially realising the ‘truth’ about my past and family etc. I have t had consistent therapy and done a lot of trauma work alone with my go to YouTube psychologists who have a supportive community. It’s helped loads. But in my real life I slowly lost everyone as doing This work has changed me a lot and made me retreat. Coming out now clueless about who I am in this world and where to find my people. The people who made my life hell are in the same house. We haven’t spoken under the same roof for the year basically. It’s a house of emptiness and coldness.

I live in a remote area physically and financially I can’t meet people easily. My city nearby is also mostly demographic of not my age so even when I go to public things I tend not to meet peers or willing older friends.

How can I get through this tough time? On the surface I’m coping a lot better than I have ever done (dysfunction before) but deep down big things shifting and I feel lost.
You are found. Understanding what you dont tolerate is understanding what you do. You know your vibe. its only up.

Here's the best trauma book I know: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1J6G...ew?usp=sharing

People hate the truth. We need more of that in this world. People will run away from truth-tellers. Listen to music, so many smart and talented people - it's like talking or listening to friends you've never met. Find a craft and work on refining that. the best project you'll work on is yourself.

Only make connections with people that are healthy for you and want to see you grow.

You can still interact with your fam members, just in a different way. Always speak from love and peace and you will never lose. Also, engaging with your traumatizing fam in your new and healed ways will help you practice and grow. Self-love always. Fear is very powerful.
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Anonymous #2
#3
Report 3 months ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys
I’ve been having a hard time for the past year especially realising the ‘truth’ about my past and family etc. I have t had consistent therapy and done a lot of trauma work alone with my go to YouTube psychologists who have a supportive community. It’s helped loads. But in my real life I slowly lost everyone as doing This work has changed me a lot and made me retreat. Coming out now clueless about who I am in this world and where to find my people. The people who made my life hell are in the same house. We haven’t spoken under the same roof for the year basically. It’s a house of emptiness and coldness.

I live in a remote area physically and financially I can’t meet people easily. My city nearby is also mostly demographic of not my age so even when I go to public things I tend not to meet peers or willing older friends.

How can I get through this tough time? On the surface I’m coping a lot better than I have ever done (dysfunction before) but deep down big things shifting and I feel lost.
I am in an incredibly similar situation to you, except fortunately I have my mum (the only decent family member I have) although she doesn’t really understand the trauma I’ve gone through and it’s hard her, although she does try.

I’m not going to sleep diagnose myself, but I feel like after everything that’s happened, even after telling the truth, the years of trauma have left me with social anxiety, and I just don’t feel like even though I’m surrounded by people that they are “my people” or I fit in, so I keep my distance and stay quite quiet because I feel like everyone is judging me. In my hometown I have 0 friends, it’s hard when I see everyone excited to go home and see their friends (I’m at uni) and I have no one because of the past.

But, little by little it gets better. I promise. Keep fighting, keep working on yourself, you are doing the right thing. No one can expect you to be healed right away. These things take time. And they will always stay with you, but that’s okay. I know how it feels to feel isolated, I would say put yourself out there but you explained your situation, and I’m not sure I would be the best person to give advice on that.

I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, there are more people out there like you than you think.
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bant_bus
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#4
Report 3 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am in an incredibly similar situation to you, except fortunately I have my mum (the only decent family member I have) although she doesn’t really understand the trauma I’ve gone through and it’s hard her, although she does try.

I’m not going to sleep diagnose myself, but I feel like after everything that’s happened, even after telling the truth, the years of trauma have left me with social anxiety, and I just don’t feel like even though I’m surrounded by people that they are “my people” or I fit in, so I keep my distance and stay quite quiet because I feel like everyone is judging me. In my hometown I have 0 friends, it’s hard when I see everyone excited to go home and see their friends (I’m at uni) and I have no one because of the past.

But, little by little it gets better. I promise. Keep fighting, keep working on yourself, you are doing the right thing. No one can expect you to be healed right away. These things take time. And they will always stay with you, but that’s okay. I know how it feels to feel isolated, I would say put yourself out there but you explained your situation, and I’m not sure I would be the best person to give advice on that.

I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, there are more people out there like you than you think.
Anyone who does not understand trauma, or your trauma is useless to you emotionally. They're emottionally distand themselves nd don't understnad thier won trauma. They've normalized abuse.

Diagnose yourself, you know yourself better than anyone. The NHS is completey useless, don't sniff in their direction.

Social anxiety is fear of people yourself. You;ve spent years being criritcited and hated on for your natural form of expression, which is beairtiful. You want to operate from love as much as you can, when tyou feel the fear. the fear is second nature. Actively doing this process is hard but rewarding.

Everyone *is* judging you, that's what eyeballs and a brain is for, to make an opinion. What you dont know is, peoepl judge negatively out of their own fear of being themself - eveyrone- the most confident seeming people to the most mute. People will hate your light and be confused by it because its something they cant obtain. You're the influence. We need your voice. We need your influence to show people how to be themselves, and how to do better. Though you dont owe anyone anything.

I have no friends as well, I used to be a social butterfly but im healed now. I'm at my happiest and most peaceful ever. I'm not missing out on anything cos I'm genuinely the coolest thing I'm doing.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#5
(Original post by bant_bus)
Anyone who does not understand trauma, or your trauma is useless to you emotionally. They're emottionally distand themselves nd don't understnad thier won trauma. They've normalized abuse.

Diagnose yourself, you know yourself better than anyone. The NHS is completey useless, don't sniff in their direction.

Social anxiety is fear of people yourself. You;ve spent years being criritcited and hated on for your natural form of expression, which is beairtiful. You want to operate from love as much as you can, when tyou feel the fear. the fear is second nature. Actively doing this process is hard but rewarding.

Everyone *is* judging you, that's what eyeballs and a brain is for, to make an opinion. What you dont know is, peoepl judge negatively out of their own fear of being themself - eveyrone- the most confident seeming people to the most mute. People will hate your light and be confused by it because its something they cant obtain. You're the influence. We need your voice. We need your influence to show people how to be themselves, and how to do better. Though you dont owe anyone anything.

I have no friends as well, I used to be a social butterfly but im healed now. I'm at my happiest and most peaceful ever. I'm not missing out on anything cos I'm genuinely the coolest thing I'm doing.
It seems like you understand trauma well, it is a really difficult journey. I agree about the nhs and even private therapists it' rare to get someone who listens to your story properly and even if they do, to understand the different areas they don't know about. I know nobody in my life who is willing to discuss trauma and work on overcoming it even tho they are living in the middle of it or stuck in the sasme issues for years. Being the only one in your circle who wants to 'see' feels very alone but like you say it's fine if they dont understand
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am in an incredibly similar situation to you, except fortunately I have my mum (the only decent family member I have) although she doesn’t really understand the trauma I’ve gone through and it’s hard her, although she does try.

I’m not going to sleep diagnose myself, but I feel like after everything that’s happened, even after telling the truth, the years of trauma have left me with social anxiety, and I just don’t feel like even though I’m surrounded by people that they are “my people” or I fit in, so I keep my distance and stay quite quiet because I feel like everyone is judging me. In my hometown I have 0 friends, it’s hard when I see everyone excited to go home and see their friends (I’m at uni) and I have no one because of the past.

But, little by little it gets better. I promise. Keep fighting, keep working on yourself, you are doing the right thing. No one can expect you to be healed right away. These things take time. And they will always stay with you, but that’s okay. I know how it feels to feel isolated, I would say put yourself out there but you explained your situation, and I’m not sure I would be the best person to give advice on that.

I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, there are more people out there like you than you think.
I'm sorry to hear about situation ( like you my mum is the nicest one around but i think our parents generation find mental health related topics difficult and they can't see it clearly)

I think you have the right to say if you have social anxiety or not, you're the one who feels the anxiety and lives with it after all...at uni I was the same as you and didn't make any friends due to trauma around speaking to my peers. But i had no idea that this is what it was, you seem to have identified it earlier which is really good! Thanks for your words i hope your journey goes well too you sound very capable
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