Toxic people

Watch this thread
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
I seem to keep having bad endings to relationships that leave me feeling so ****. Latest one is a guy I slept with form an app and we had a nice time and got along and started to have feelings but he got really intense and manipulative to me so I blocked him multiple times as he kept messaging me. But I caved sometimes and messaged him again but gradually lost interest cause he kept being toxic. Then tried to leave again and he said I don’t have the strength to communicate and persist (why would I when it’s toxic and manipulative) and just baited me and I feel guilty easily and got emotional about it and said it was unfair I just wasn’t interested enough after they behaved badly and made me change my mind. Then he went wow this has been eye opening and basically painted me as the ‘bad guy’ he’s the rational one when he’s provoked me to being emotional. I just blocked them after they contacted me on a new number. I ****ed up an interview and two work days because they pulled me into this rabbit hole of drama and arguments
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 3 months ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I seem to keep having bad endings to relationships that leave me feeling so ****. Latest one is a guy I slept with form an app and we had a nice time and got along and started to have feelings but he got really intense and manipulative to me so I blocked him multiple times as he kept messaging me. But I caved sometimes and messaged him again but gradually lost interest cause he kept being toxic. Then tried to leave again and he said I don’t have the strength to communicate and persist (why would I when it’s toxic and manipulative) and just baited me and I feel guilty easily and got emotional about it and said it was unfair I just wasn’t interested enough after they behaved badly and made me change my mind. Then he went wow this has been eye opening and basically painted me as the ‘bad guy’ he’s the rational one when he’s provoked me to being emotional. I just blocked them after they contacted me on a new number. I ****ed up an interview and two work days because they pulled me into this rabbit hole of drama and arguments
then stop being led on so easily and do what you feel is best for you
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
then stop being led on so easily and do what you feel is best for you
They sort of played the victim at first and gave me loads of compliments and acted so insecure and even sobbed to me, felt like I had to take care of them even though they’re 3 years older than me
0
reply
NonIndigenous
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 3 months ago
#4
You probably get emotionally invested in people too easily. That's likely why this happens to you. You can fix that by building an robust understanding of what toxic behaviors look like, and learning how to spot them, and teaching yourself to instead feel disgust rather than guilt towards people like that.

The tipping point for me between switching between guilt & disgust, is the person's failure to take any responsibility and thus fix their behaviors, because that is a choice. Once I have drawn it to their attention that their behavior is wrong and toxic, and they continue to behave that way and only offer excuses instead or get defensive (or anything else), that is a choice. It is a choice because they know what they are doing, because I know what they are doing, and because I fking told them I know what they are doing.

From thereon, it is a simple "IF THEN" statement, like how you might come across in programming.
/ IF they fail to take responsibility and improve, THEN
/ F*** them
/ End Sub

But, to be able to robustly carry out such a thought process, you need to train yourself first to distinctly and concisely recognise such toxic behaviors, with no self-doubt, and no stuttering.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 3 months ago
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#5
Report 3 months ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
I seem to keep having bad endings to relationships that leave me feeling so ****. Latest one is a guy I slept with form an app and we had a nice time and got along and started to have feelings but he got really intense and manipulative to me so I blocked him multiple times as he kept messaging me. But I caved sometimes and messaged him again but gradually lost interest cause he kept being toxic. Then tried to leave again and he said I don’t have the strength to communicate and persist (why would I when it’s toxic and manipulative) and just baited me and I feel guilty easily and got emotional about it and said it was unfair I just wasn’t interested enough after they behaved badly and made me change my mind. Then he went wow this has been eye opening and basically painted me as the ‘bad guy’ he’s the rational one when he’s provoked me to being emotional. I just blocked them after they contacted me on a new number. I ****ed up an interview and two work days because they pulled me into this rabbit hole of drama and arguments
I really don't feel bad for you. You have a choice to leave this toxicity and get rid of them for good, yet you decided to stay with them. I do not feel bad for any girl that decides to stay with those kind of people, especially because they're attractive douchebags. What these people are doing seems to me like stalking and manipulation. I don't understand why you let these people get away with things and even lose self respect. Therefore, I do not feel bad for you. You make your own decisions.
0
reply
Ciel.
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 3 months ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I seem to keep having bad endings to relationships that leave me feeling so ****. Latest one is a guy I slept with form an app and we had a nice time and got along and started to have feelings but he got really intense and manipulative to me so I blocked him multiple times as he kept messaging me. But I caved sometimes and messaged him again but gradually lost interest cause he kept being toxic. Then tried to leave again and he said I don’t have the strength to communicate and persist (why would I when it’s toxic and manipulative) and just baited me and I feel guilty easily and got emotional about it and said it was unfair I just wasn’t interested enough after they behaved badly and made me change my mind. Then he went wow this has been eye opening and basically painted me as the ‘bad guy’ he’s the rational one when he’s provoked me to being emotional. I just blocked them after they contacted me on a new number. I ****ed up an interview and two work days because they pulled me into this rabbit hole of drama and arguments
some people just attract toxic people. idk what it is but it's defniintely a thing, lol. i can relate...... the weirdest thing is even when we se red flags in our new relationship we always choose to ignore them
0
reply
Ciel.
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 3 months ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I really don't feel bad for you. You have a choice to leave this toxicity and get rid of them for good, yet you decided to stay with them. I do not feel bad for any girl that decides to stay with those kind of people, especially because they're attractive douchebags. What these people are doing seems to me like stalking and manipulation. I don't understand why you let these people get away with things and even lose self respect. Therefore, I do not feel bad for you. You make your own decisions.
nobody asked if you feel bad for them
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#8
Report 3 months ago
#8
(Original post by Ciel.)
nobody asked if you feel bad for them
and I wasn't talking to you.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#9
(Original post by Ciel.)
nobody asked if you feel bad for them
Exactly…
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#10
(Original post by Ciel.)
some people just attract toxic people. idk what it is but it's defniintely a thing, lol. i can relate...... the weirdest thing is even when we se red flags in our new relationship we always choose to ignore them
And yeah it’s true I read a quote recently ‘when someone shows you who they are the first time believe them’
0
reply
Ciel.
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 3 months ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
and I wasn't talking to you.
😼😼

(Original post by Anonymous)
And yeah it’s true I read a quote recently ‘when someone shows you who they are the first time believe them’
toxic people tend to be charming af, that's part of the problem, eh
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#12
Report 3 months ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
And yeah it’s true I read a quote recently ‘when someone shows you who they are the first time believe them’
Then don't come to complain. If toxic attracts toxic then there's not much you can do about it and don't ask anyone to fix this problem. The only solution I see to this problem is changing yourself as a person, then maybe you won't attract so much toxic.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#13
(Original post by NonIndigenous)
You probably get emotionally invested in people too easily. That's likely why this happens to you. You can fix that by building an robust understanding of what toxic behaviors look like, and learning how to spot them, and teaching yourself to instead feel disgust rather than guilt towards people like that.

The tipping point for me between switching between guilt & disgust, is the person's failure to take any responsibility and thus fix their behaviors, because that is a choice. Once I have drawn it to their attention that their behavior is wrong and toxic, and they continue to behave that way and only offer excuses instead or get defensive (or anything else), that is a choice. It is a choice because they know what they are doing, because I know what they are doing, and because I fking told them I know what they are doing.

From thereon, it is a simple "IF THEN" statement, like how you might come across in programming.
/ IF they fail to take responsibility and improve, THEN
/ F*** them
/ End Sub

But, to be able to robustly carry out such a thought process, you need to train yourself first to distinctly and concisely recognise such toxic behaviors, with no self-doubt, and no stuttering.
This is what happened!! As soon as it started I mentioned it to them. But because they apologised deeply and so reasonably explained they lost their cool cause they were too emotionally invested in me then I thought I overreacted. The following times it happened they didn’t own up and just gaslit me saying they already apologised once and that I was being weird because I had feelings for them and was confused about it
0
reply
NonIndigenous
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 3 months ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is what happened!! As soon as it started I mentioned it to them. But because they apologised deeply and so reasonably explained they lost their cool cause they were too emotionally invested in me then I thought I overreacted. The following times it happened they didn’t own up and just gaslit me saying they already apologised once and that I was being weird because I had feelings for them and was confused about it
His problem's aren't yours.

If you're brave enough to try and point out to him that he's gaslighted you, then try, but don't expect miracles. Expect disasters instead. I might attempt something like that only to clear my conscience any remaining doubts about the other person.

But as I see it, you would already be wasting your time and effort. He pretentiously owned up to it, but didn't change his behaviors, and is now denying it.

Even if on some off-chance you are wrong about him, and he is actually ok, then clearly for whatever reasons, the two of you do not work well together. You can tell him that, and he will need to respect it. There is plenty of evidence and good reasons you already have to do this. If he does not respect that... then you have yet another good reason.

If he starts stalking you, you might ultimately need to resort to threats to keep him away. You can start now by recording your conversations and his behaviors. It will make your case stronger if legal authorities get involved at any point. Fear, though ideally not a first resort, is a universal language that almost everyone understands. Those that don't understand it often end up in prison or dead.
0
reply
Surnia
Badges: 19
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#15
Report 3 months ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I seem to keep having bad endings to relationships
Latest one is a guy I slept with form an app and we had a nice time and got along and started to have feelings
And there's the problem; you went straight into having sex with someone you didn't care for at the time, then think you must love each other because you've slept together! What happened to dating and getting to know someone before you jump into bed with them?

You need to stay away from relationships until you are mature to know what a relationship really involves, and understand why you are so desperate to stay involved with someone who is toxic; are you jealous of other couples? Do you not have a social circle and just crave some kind, any kind, of interaction?

A relationship involves communication, trust, honesty, loyalty, fun. Spend time with soneone, have nornal conversations with them, and see how they are around other people as well as with you. It's no guarantee, but you should get a better idea of character if you don't rush things.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#16
(Original post by Surnia)
And there's the problem; you went straight into having sex with someone you didn't care for at the time, then think you must love each other because you've slept together! What happened to dating and getting to know someone before you jump into bed with them?

You need to stay away from relationships until you are mature to know what a relationship really involves, and understand why you are so desperate to stay involved with someone who is toxic; are you jealous of other couples? Do you not have a social circle and just crave some kind, any kind, of interaction?

A relationship involves communication, trust, honesty, loyalty, fun. Spend time with soneone, have nornal conversations with them, and see how they are around other people as well as with you. It's no guarantee, but you should get a better idea of character if you don't rush things.
No I liked them a tiny bit as we had been talking for quite a bit before meeting up, they weren’t a total stranger, I meant they started to have intense feelings after that time. It’s my first time having a hookup like that cause yeah I’m not ready for a relationship bu have no social circle and needed something. It’s not a crime and I don’t regret it’s fine I just didn’t expect the drama he caused after also stating he wanted something chilled out. I am mature in many ways and ready for a relationship; but was not seeing this as even a potential one to be honest
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How did your AQA A-level Physics Paper 1 exam go?

Great! Feeling positive (146)
29.03%
It went fairly well (239)
47.51%
It didn't go too well (75)
14.91%
TERRIBLE! (43)
8.55%

Watched Threads

View All