The Student Room Group

Never had a friend, tired of loneliness - would my uni be able to help

Pretty much I’ve never had a friend and never got help with this issue but thinking I need some help with it and it can’t go on any longer. I know it seems stupid but would my uni be able to help me with the issue. If so where would I have to go/do to get this
Reply 1
University is the period of your life, that if you have problems in the first place, they will just whack you a lot harder in the face. If you want to turn your life around, you need to make the initiative for your own self - if you want to make friends and meet new people, you ought to start savouring every interaction you can get with people. I find that adopting a positive, growth mindset (not self-sabotaging) and working towards your goal (making new friends and meeting new people) can change a person around. That means to look on the bright side of things rather than focusing on the negativity. Wishing you the best mate :biggrin:
Reply 2
This kind of thing takes time, but you can and will improve if you want to. The person above is right. Also, yes, see if your uni offer any mental health services and seek them. I'm just copying what I wrote to someone else a few min ago below (it may not be entirely relevant):

You're not a failure, you're a strong person in development. Remember, everything changes. The brain, your environment, the people around you - everything has the capability to change over time, and it most likely will given some desire to change. My recommendations:

- Limit the amount of time you think about studying (to a few hours a day at most), use the Forest app for up to 2 hours at a time (4 intervals of 25 minutes and a 5 minute break). Realise that studying cannot be the focus of your life and if it is, it detracts from your physical and mental health.
- Go on a sort of social media detox. I use FocusMe on my computer and Lock Me Out on my Android phone to limit my activity on YouTube to 15-30m a day on each device, and limit all your socials and Netflix too. You can also use these blockers to block your devices after a certain time to force you to go to sleep earlier.
- Spend more time outside. Force yourself to go outside early, whether it's for a walk or anything else, everyday. Creating a list of checkboxes on a piece of paper, calling it a "habit tracker" can help with establishing good habits such as this.
- Gratitude journalling & meditation. These can also go on your habit tracker, but remember that it's easiest to establish one new habit at a time - but don't delay. You want change, and the only way you're going to get it is by taking action now.
- Consider exercising regularly, e.g. working out. (Fyi these all apply regardless of your gender)
- Stop watching porn/masturbating if you do (a blocker/accountability app can help with this, but this one takes time).

These habits will naturally lead to you feeling less addicted to YouTube, social media, etc. and your brain's "social needs" will not feel at all met by these, so this will make it easier to talk to new people and spend more time socialising. Remember, every failure is part of the road to success.
Reply 3
The uni will help in the sense in having dozens of societies for you to join, the number 1 way to make friends is to have something in common, be it what you are studying, where you are working, a hobby, a sport, what school/uni you go to. Of course the more broader this is the more it is a coincidence than something of substance. But the whole point is it's a way to start to get to know each other, it allows for the first few conversations to be 'scripted' almost.

The uni can't just throw some ingredients in a cauldron and magic up a friend. But they can help you try and figure out why you can't make friends thorough their mental heath services, as it might be something deeper within you to explain, like a form of subconscious anxiety...That said they could have someone be a 'buddy' who checks up on you at times and you can talk to when you want to. It wouldn't be a friend more of an informal counselor.

Bottom line is you need to put effort in in order to get something out.

I'd say reach put teh uni mental health team and go from there, good luck.

I'm somone who can never maintain a relationship, I still have no clue why I can't, so I hope you have more success.
(edited 2 years ago)
Uni is indeed a great way to make friends :smile: even in the pandemic when it was illegal to make friends, everyone was anyway. So of course this year it’ll be even easier 😁

Alternatively, you could join a volunteering group. In my experience this has been a great way of making friends :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Pretty much I’ve never had a friend and never got help with this issue but thinking I need some help with it and it can’t go on any longer. I know it seems stupid but would my uni be able to help me with the issue. If so where would I have to go/do to get this

No, the only person that can change it is you, not us, not your parents and not you university. You want friends and it comes with in you to find them
Original post by Anonymous
Pretty much I’ve never had a friend and never got help with this issue but thinking I need some help with it and it can’t go on any longer. I know it seems stupid but would my uni be able to help me with the issue. If so where would I have to go/do to get this

Hey!

Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing?

University can definitely help with the feelings of loneliness, I'd definitely recommend speaking to your uni's mental health services and open up about how you're feeling. In terms of actually making friends, your uni will provide opportunities to meet new people such as clubs and societies, volunteering opportunities, part-time work on campus, su events, becoming a student ambassador etc.

Have you thought about getting involved in any of these activities? If you do, let me know how they go!

Good luck with your studies, and I hope you make some great friends soon :smile:

Becky

Quick Reply