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frandawson12
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#1
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#1
Hi, I have a history exam coming up about the health of the people, and I'm determined to get a grade 9. I've been preparing by answering questions on past papers, and I would be extremely grateful if somebody could proof read them. Feedback on how to improve/reach a level 4 answer would be greatly appreciated. Compare Pasteur and Flemming. How are they similar? Both Fleming and Pasteur contributed to the development of public health. Pasteurs germ theory helped people understand more about public health, and allowed them to be more conscious of their way of living. This also meant that the idea if miasma was no longer believed as something what caused disease, as it contradicted Germ Theory. Pasteur also created vaccines for diseases such as rabies and anthrax, which impacted public health as the risk of spreading and catching the disease was reduced. Similarly to Pasteur Flemming was able to reduce the risk of death, by discovering penicillin. Penicillin is incredibly useful as it can treat diseased such as pneumonia, a public health issue because of overcrowding, restricted access to water and air pollution, and limit the number of deaths. Their contribution is important as it shows how their discoveries has enabled improvemts to be made to public health. Fleming and Pasteur both positively impacted the development of surgery. For example, Flemmings discovery of Penicillin was used in WW2 by McIndoe, a plastic surgeon, who treated pilots severe facial wounds by using penicillin to fight infection. Penicillin was important as it lowered the chance of people dying because of infection, and improved the quality of peoples lives. Pasteurs germ theory developed antispetic methods in surgery. Lister applied Germ Theory to surgery, and used carbolic acid to reduce the amount of germs. This meant that surgery improved because the percentage of people dying from infection in surgery rapidly decreased from 49% to 15%. Both individuals impact on surgery is important as it shows how they have been able to successfully reduce the number of deaths due to, or as a result of surgical procedures.
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salosalo
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#2
Report 6 months ago
#2
(Original post by frandawson12)
Hi, I have a history exam coming up about the health of the people, and I'm determined to get a grade 9. I've been preparing by answering questions on past papers, and I would be extremely grateful if somebody could proof read them. Feedback on how to improve/reach a level 4 answer would be greatly appreciated. Compare Pasteur and Flemming. How are they similar? Both Fleming and Pasteur contributed to the development of public health. Pasteur's germ theory helped people understand more about public health, and allowed them to be more conscious of their way of living. This also meant that the idea of miasma was no longer believed as something what caused disease, as it contradicted Germ Theory. Pasteur also created vaccines for diseases such as rabies and anthrax, which impacted public health as the risk of spreading and catching the disease was reduced. Similarly to Pasteur, Flemming was able to reduce the risk of death by discovering penicillin. Penicillin is incredibly useful as it can treat diseases such as pneumonia, a public health issue because of overcrowding, restricted access to water and air pollution, and limit the number of deaths. Their contributions are important as it shows how their discoveries has enabled improvements to be made to public health. Fleming and Pasteur both positively impacted the development of surgery. For example, Flemming's discovery of Penicillin was used in WW2 by McIndoe, a plastic surgeon, who treated pilots severe facial wounds by using penicillin to fight infection. Penicillin was important as it lowered the chance of people dying because of infection, and improved the quality of peoples lives. Pasteur's germ theory developed antiseptic methods in surgery. Lister applied Germ Theory to surgery, and used carbolic acid to reduce the amount of germs. This meant that surgery improved because the percentage of people dying from infection in surgery rapidly decreased from 49% to 15%. Both individuals impact on surgery is important as it shows how they have been able to successfully reduce the number of deaths due to, or as a result of surgical procedures.
^ I corrected some grammatical errors in your writing, I hope that helps
As for the content, I think it's good, but for a Level 4 you need more similarities because what I'm getting at is a lot of "they made important contributions". Maybe you could talk about how they both discovered by observation or how they both published their findings. Other than that I have to say the last part would definitely secure you a Level 4 as it broadens the context.
Great job!
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frandawson12
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#3
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
#3
(Original post by salosalo)
^ I corrected some grammatical errors in your writing, I hope that helps
As for the content, I think it's good, but for a Level 4 you need more similarities because what I'm getting at is a lot of "they made important contributions". Maybe you could talk about how they both discovered by observation or how they both published their findings. Other than that I have to say the last part would definitely secure you a Level 4 as it broadens the context.
Great job!
Thank you so much for the feedback! Really appreciate it 😊
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