The Student Room Group

Am I being unreasonable?

Hi, I’m 15 and I’m an only child. I feel like my parents are a lot stricter than all of my friends’ parents, and I guess I just want another opinion on this.

When I want to use my phone, I have to make sure that my parents can see my screen. They don’t let me out of their sight when I’m on my phone, they have to know exactly which app I’m using. They’ve threatened to read my messages, and I’m not allowed any social media apart from WhatsApp. I also can’t text (I mean SMS messages, I have to rely on WhatsApp to stay in touch with people) and I can’t install apps without their permission.

If I want to switch off my phone and go do something else, I have to either remove the WiFi details from my phone altogether or give it to my parents and they keep it until I next want to use it. I can only use it when they’re around to watch me though, so it can be a while before I get it back.

They’re very open about not trusting me. My mum was literally telling me earlier that she’s “suspicious” of what I’m doing on my phone and she said she was going to get stricter with me because she thinks I’m up to no good. I’m doing nothing wrong! All I ever use my phone for is texting friends and playing games!

I was speaking to my counsellor (I have depression and anxiety) about this and she thinks it’s unreasonable. I’m 15, I’m old enough to look after myself now, and they’re treating me like a kid. I have a couple of 12 year old friends with more freedom than me.

It’s making my depression a lot worse and I’m finding it so hard to trust my parents now. Am I being unreasonable, or are they very strict with me?
it does sound very strict. is there a reason why they are doing this ?
No, you are not being unreasonable. :smile:
Are your parents very hostile towards some of your friends, paranoid by nature or from a family of religious traditionalists?

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
If your parents are violent, verbally aggressive or have a history of criminal conduct- be very cautious.
Put your physical safety and health first.

I grew up in a very controlling toxic household with lots of bizarre rules and almost no privacy.
Wasn't allowed out alone even at 18, rarely had regular access to the internet, not allowed to have "bourgeoisie" foods/friends/hobbies, surrounded by unreasonable people in the habit of incessantly imposing themselves & their load of bull upon me.
Got very sneaky in my midteens and became an expert at sneaking out of windows & climbing down drainpipes at night, never getting caught.
Secret phones, hid my car & having a drivers licence, very discrete about new friends and dating.
Always planned to leave at 18 and saved as much money as I could to fund uni accomodation.
Unfortunately my mother stole my life savings but I did manage to escape before a levels were over 8 years ago.
Original post by the bear
it does sound very strict. is there a reason why they are doing this ?

They don’t trust me for various reasons. One was an incident from five years ago (I was 10, it was stupid, I’d never do it again but they never forgave me) that involved the police, I’m not saying any more than that. It wasn’t me being bad or anything, I just stumbled upon something bad and didn’t know what it was cause I’d never been taught about it. Anyway yeah, another one is that I came out as trans and they’re very transphobic/homophobic, they didn’t like that one bit.
Original post by londonmyst
No, you are not being unreasonable. :smile:
Are your parents very hostile towards some of your friends, paranoid by nature or from a family of religious traditionalists?

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
If your parents are violent, verbally aggressive or have a history of criminal conduct- be very cautious.
Put your physical safety and health first.

I grew up in a very controlling toxic household with lots of bizarre rules and almost no privacy.
Wasn't allowed out alone even at 18, rarely had regular access to the internet, not allowed to have "bourgeoisie" foods/friends/hobbies, surrounded by unreasonable people in the habit of incessantly imposing themselves & their load of bull upon me.
Got very sneaky in my midteens and became an expert at sneaking out of windows & climbing down drainpipes at night, never getting caught.
Secret phones, hid my car & having a drivers licence, very discrete about new friends and dating.
Always planned to leave at 18 and saved as much money as I could to fund uni accomodation.
Unfortunately my mother stole my life savings but I did manage to escape before a levels were over 8 years ago.

They were both raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses, so yes, they have definitely been influenced by that. My dad is now disfellowshipped, and an atheist, but he’s kept that intolerance and controlling attitude which I think he got from being a JW. My mum’s still religious, and somehow less strict than my dad.

They’re not aggressive or violent. A fair few of my friends have said it’s emotional abuse, but I don’t think it is - they stopped with the name calling, insults, and stuff a while back. They seem to be trying to protect me, but I think they’re taking it too far.

It sounds like your situation was far worse than mine, I’m so sorry about that. I can relate to the lack of privacy and feeling the need to hide things like phones and relationships, though I am allowed out alone or with friends as long as I’m back by dark, which I think is fine. I’m glad you managed to get out, that must have been such a relief for you. I do hope to leave at 18 myself, but I see myself returning home after uni as I don’t think I’d be able to afford to live elsewhere.
Reply 5
Whilst abuse is never acceptable, monitoring your social media use seems entirely reasonable, given what happened with photos on your modelling thread. You've admitted you do 'stupid stuff' online.
I agree with you that you should have your own freedom, 15 is just 3 years away from being an adult. They are the ones being unreasonable.
Original post by Surnia
Whilst abuse is never acceptable, monitoring your social media use seems entirely reasonable, given what happened with photos on your modelling thread. You've admitted you do 'stupid stuff' online.

Yeah, that’s fair enough. I can understand why they’d check a little bit, it’s just that watching me 24/7 seems over the top. Also, the only reason I’m not great with internet safety etc is because they’ve never let me use social media or anything even while they’re watching. In a few years, I’m just gonna be left to it, and that won’t end well :/

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