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Having difficulty getting into a relationship and it's making me depressed

I'm now 25 and have put dating and relationships off for all my life until recently. I haven't been in a relationship or had sex before and feel quite awkward about that at this age.

When I graduated last summer, I thought it would be nice to be in a relationship with a lovely, kind and well-educated classy girl. Unfortunately, I haven't had any success - I've met some girls that fit that description and they have always said no to me. To be honest, I was not surprised by their responses on each occasion because though I got on well with them, I didn't feel that they were attracted to me but I figured that I had nothing to lose by asking. I don't find girls checking me out or giving me attention, which I imagine they would for other guys that they are attracted to. I tried online dating and liked many girls on Tinder, ended up with some matches, of whom 2 actually responded to me and I went on dates with both of them. The first one had a real attitude issue and was a nasty person so I left, the second girl ghosted me after a few dates and a kiss (my first). I also tried Hinge which is supposedly more mature but despite using it fairly consistently over several months, I haven't had any matches at all.

It depresses me to be in this situation because I come across women that seem lovely and it becomes clear that they do want to be in relationships with men, but that they do not want to be with me :frown:
When I go out, that becomes clear. Seeing all the couples out there makes me feel depressed, frustrated and quite anxious now - to think that women find me so undesirable that they would not think of dating me but would want to date other men.

Any help/advice/words of wisdom is welcome. Thank you.
Reply 1
Sometimes when you fix on a problem the answer seems as far away as Mars. Similar problems can happen with sex, when a woman fails to conceive and then goes through all manner of tests etc to see if there are fertility problems. Bizarrely as soon as all the tests are completed and there is nothing further to be done - and forgotten, then suddenly the woman gets pregnant. I'm sure this has a lot to do with stopping the stress and relaxing.

Ignore worrying about having a girlfriend. Just accept you will remain celibate and without a girlfriend, and that is the hand of cards life has dealt you. Completely ignore the fix on the final task (girlfriend)

Then grab life and join the gym, go jogging, go to every activity you can think of. Talk to absolutely everyone you get an opportunity to because you want to know about them and are genuinely interested. Go to every club you can think of. Find religion, keep pets, learn to sail, volunteer, walk, travel abroad, travel in the UK, go to speed dating for the experience. You are filling your time with putting yourself out there. Eventually you will find someone in and amongst who gives you a spark, returned I hope. More importantly you stand to find some genuine kind and lovely people (probably a few witches too along the way too - be warned) Everything else is just being open, honest and if someone cares for you they will be patient and allow you to explore life in the fast lane.

Don't give up - try and stay upbeat and as cheerful as you can be. You definitely won't be alone with this.
Never give up hope until you are at least ninety nine.
Original post by Muttly
Sometimes when you fix on a problem the answer seems as far away as Mars. Similar problems can happen with sex, when a woman fails to conceive and then goes through all manner of tests etc to see if there are fertility problems. Bizarrely as soon as all the tests are completed and there is nothing further to be done - and forgotten, then suddenly the woman gets pregnant. I'm sure this has a lot to do with stopping the stress and relaxing.

Ignore worrying about having a girlfriend. Just accept you will remain celibate and without a girlfriend, and that is the hand of cards life has dealt you. Completely ignore the fix on the final task (girlfriend)

Then grab life and join the gym, go jogging, go to every activity you can think of. Talk to absolutely everyone you get an opportunity to because you want to know about them and are genuinely interested. Go to every club you can think of. Find religion, keep pets, learn to sail, volunteer, walk, travel abroad, travel in the UK, go to speed dating for the experience. You are filling your time with putting yourself out there. Eventually you will find someone in and amongst who gives you a spark, returned I hope. More importantly you stand to find some genuine kind and lovely people (probably a few witches too along the way too - be warned) Everything else is just being open, honest and if someone cares for you they will be patient and allow you to explore life in the fast lane.

Don't give up - try and stay upbeat and as cheerful as you can be. You definitely won't be alone with this.
Never give up hope until you are at least ninety nine.

One has to develop a whole character arc for themselves before getting a girl?
You're exactly my type, personality wise at least

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