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boyfriend issues

i've been in a relationship for 4 years now. i'm 19 and my bf is 23. for the past 2 months, there has come a gap between us. we used to video call everyday but now we barely do. his family doesn't know about me (and there's no way to change that rn) so he can't talk to me in front of them. he shares a room with his sister so she's mostly always around which is why it is difficult for us to talk. this is exacerbated by the fact that he has started going to the gym and gets back by 11 pm. he also attends to his family business from 10-7.

now the thing is: i know he's busy and it's not like he doesn't talk to me on purpose. but because we're in different countries and i attend uni, i feel like im missing out on a lot. i love him but i hate that we barely communicate anymore. other people around me seem so happy with their partners and im just wasting my uni life on a guy i haven't seen irl for like 9 months now. i thought i could deal with long distance but now that we barely talk, it's just getting harder. is someone rlly that busy that they cant take out an hour to talk to their partner ;-(

help. what should i do?
so you were 15 and he was 19 when y’all started dating? uh ok
What's the time difference between you two? Is it difficult to contact at all or does he still reply to your messages? Not being able to video call as life gets busier is understandable as you have to to specifically accommodate time for that to be done in real time, but messages/texts can be sent whenever and don't have to be to straight away but when it's convenient.

You also say his family still don't know about you? Why? It's been four years. Are you in some kind of "forbidden love" or is he not committed to making it official and out in the open? Four years is a pretty long time to have to keep your relationship secret and that comes across as kind of worrying.

I personally have been in a long term relationship for almost 10 years now (I'm in UK, he's in China) since 2nd year of uni. We've managed perfectly fine without video messaging/calling due to both of our busy lifestyles, however we have physically met up almost every year before covid. We also text almost every day unless we're literally too busy so our relationship is still strong.
(edited 1 year ago)
yep

Original post by Anonymous
so you were 15 and he was 19 when y’all started dating? uh ok
Original post by ryokeichi
What's the time difference between you two? Is it difficult to contact at all or does he still reply to your messages? Not being able to video call as life gets busier is understandable as you have to to specifically accommodate time for that to be done in real time, but messages/texts can be sent whenever and don't have to be to straight away but when it's convenient.

You also say his family still don't know about you? Why? It's been four years. Are you in some kind of "forbidden love" or is he not committed to making it official and out in the open? Four years is a pretty long time to have to keep your relationship secret and that comes across as kind of worrying.

I personally have been in a long term relationship for almost 10 years now (I'm in UK, he's in China) since 2nd year of uni. We've managed perfectly fine without video messaging/calling due to both of our busy lifestyles, however we have physically met up almost every year before covid. We also text almost every day unless we're literally too busy so our relationship is still strong.

the time difference is 5.5 hrs (UK is behind). even my parents don't know i'm in a relationship. that's cus the social attitude in my country towards relationships is very very backward so we can't really tell our families about each other. we do text but it feels very impersonal now that i'm used to video calling him everyday (we've rarely texted each other over the past 3 years because we always video called)

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