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GCSE English, poem comparison: war photographer and remains

I wanted to be sure if this essay, down below can achieve a grade 5 and above:

Armitage in remains deals with the sad issue of the disturbing mental health of returning war veterans. similarly, Duffy in war photographer presents a character with an inner conflict, as they are a part of the problem of war. they desensitise society in regards to conflict.

Armitage creates a violent, vile and atrocious semantic field. the poet through the words rips, blood and torn exposes us to the horrors of war. We are forced to visualise the horrific brutality these veterans have to live with and inflict. in a similar way, the poet creates a haunting semantic field through the negative nouns nightmare, pain and suffering. this highlights the inner guilt and conflict the war photographer feels, as they realise, they are a part of the problem.

the poet is of the belief that vulnerable veterans have been used and let down by their governments. likewise, on a wider note, Duffy is criticising the media for making us immune to conflicts, violence and suffering.

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