Share your thoughts....

Hi first of all, I am posting as anonymous incase the person I refer to larks around this forum under a different username than the normal aliases she uses online.
Secondly, I am posting because none of my past relationships have actually worked ,so I could use some opinion.
Plus I need to get this off my head.

I am 18 btw so is the girl I refer to.

OK, the story begins with when my friend introduced me to this girl in May this year. We got along quite well as friends and somewhere along the line I began to develop deep feelings for her and she knew and acknolwedged that. I asked her out but both of us were busy with school stuff at the time so an offical "date" never happened. But we were going to see movies by ourselves,doing stuff together,displaying the behaviours of a "couple" at school(though we never used the boy-girl friend term at any point) and I was even going to her house.

Then one week in September, she became cold towards me (like that feeling you can sense) and then one evening on that week,we were seeing a movie with a group of friends and she brought this other guy along with whom she flirted with for the whole evening and ignoring me. Considering the fact she knew how I felt about her I was pretty heartbroken...

So the following week at school when I got the chance I said I needed to talk to her (which she knew what I was going to talk about). So we had the talk and i found out that she only liked me as a friend because my mannerism reminded her of one of her older brothers(who lived overseas) too much.
And one reason our 'relationship' failed was that we never set the boundaries. I guess I treated her too much of a friend and was afraid to move on incase that risked my friendship with her.

I have to admit I am not extroverted and I can be serious,void of emotions sometimes and I do admit I have trouble opening up sometimes. But considering the fact that I live in a rather dysfunction household where for the past 3 years my mother has bi-polar disorder and she had completely destroyed my father's sense of confidence,dignity and him as a person as a person. He has become a sitting duck,unwilling/unable to deal with my mom, using work to escape my mother.

I became the only rational person in the house, I had to adapt and stand up for my dad,my sister,myself when my mother used people in the house as a verbal punching bag. I stopped all hell breaking lose.
How effective were my efforts, I do not know but at least I tried to deal with problems rather than ignore them. But anyway back on topic...

I never really talked about my family,while its easier for me to open up and for her to understand me I guess its just not stuff people really want to listen to and I didn't know how to tell her ("Hey do you want to know about my screwed up family?") even though she is an understanding person.

But she did make my day alot bearable and brighter,though I never really showed as much feelings as I felt for her on the inside. She was like a 'mirror' in a way as we had quite a lot in common. So I guess I got to know her more than she knew me.

After the talk I was heartbroken for a few weeks,I even avoided going to classes where she was in the same one because it was too painful to see her but I am fine now. But because I have always been so good at being 'emotionless' no one really picked this up apart from my best friend.

Anyway at present, we interact,well to be honest now's not all that different before the cinema and talk thing. She is as close to a 'girlfriend' I have ever had and I am probably the closest thing she has to a boyfriend she has at the moment.
But we do acknowledge the status quo being we are just friends.

There is a dress-up party which both of us are going to in the near future,we have agreed to go get a few props together (i had that in mind but she asked first) then she said she would also be getting shoes on the same day (While I dont mind.Is that boyfriend territory?)

In the christmas holidays we plan to have a tv marathon where I would have to go to her house,vice versa.

So the question is:

1.Where is the boundary between male-female friends and boy-girl friends?
2.Do I still have a chance with this girl?
3.Please share your thoughts in general....

Reply 1

BeautifullyTragic

When you had the chat did she make it clear she just wanted to be friends? Or was she vague? Sounds a bit like she doesn't know what she wants and is stringing you along a little. Or maybe she assumes she's made it clear you're friends, and thinks you know that, except you don't.
Aww sounds like you really like her, I don't know what to suggest really. Be there as her friend. Maybe another best friend is what you really need right now?

Reply 2

LEEK

oh. dear.
if she was sure that you were just friends, then give up.
but if she just said it because she wanted breathing space then go for it.
just 'copy & paste' this paragraph, print it off, and give it to her.
i think you expressed yourself quite well here.
good luck x