Jealous of partner's achievements

Please keep anon as this is embarrassing to admit.

Basically, I get envious of anything my partner can do that I can't. It's insanely petty and I hate being like it, but I can't help myself. As a kid I was given a lot of freedom by my parents, in retrospect I feel too much but at the time I loved it. I was lazy so rather than do things like learn an instrument, play a sport or whatever I'd stay at home and watch TV or play computer games.

I don't really care when other people have all these skills I don't, but for some reason it really irks me when my partner does. With my first partner I was quite bad and I'd admittedly act very childish, belittling the achievements and generally the total opposite of how I should behave. Even so, there wasn't much she did as a child either so it wasn't a huge deal.

Now I've got another partner who has quite a few things over me and I'm beginning to feel jealous sometimes. I recognise the feelings and I am keeping them to myself as best I can, but I still get snarky sometimes over things. Like for instance, she can ride horses and play a couple intruments. It's not as if I can't do either, but she can do them much better than me. As in years of practice versus months. Yet I find myself making snide comments every now and then about her skills (though in my defence she is often provoking me by suggesting I'm useless at these things)

Anybody else like this? I feel really stupid and childish when I get jealous for my partner being more skilled than me. How would I stop it? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

Angelil

Talk to her about it?

Reply 2

tetrahydrocannabinol.

I don't know why it bothers you so much, as I'm different. I can play guitar alright-ish, and I have an imitation £150 Jaguar, he plays amazingly, and he's in a band and he has a £1400 Les Paul, he earns more per hour than I do, he's harder working, he can drink alcohol, I can't (stomach problem), there's so many things he's better at than me/has better than me, but I genuinely only feel glad for him, although if I sound like a saint, I'm not trying to; my jealousy would probably come in the form of a minute 'grrrr' issued from the corner of my mouth if I saw him hugging a really fit girl from work! Even though I know he'd never cheat! Just the same as you probably know you're not less of a person than your girl, and that you don't need to feel the way you're feeling. I think different things trigger different responses in people, and you need to focus on the things that don't make you feel that way...if that makes sense :smile:

Reply 3

TheConfuddledOne

Everyone is different you know. There will always be people better than you at everything (partners and friends alike). Instead of trying to compete and feeling inferior and thus making snide comments, try instead to appreciate your own and your partners talents. Surely if you do similar things, it is a passion you can share in common? Alternatively, you could hire teachers without your partner's knowledge and practice secretly for years and then one day sit your partner down and play instruments brilliantly and throw it in your partner's face. Childish? Yes, but if that's what you want that's up to you.

Reply 4

fisherman

I'm extremely competive at everything I do. Some people are better than me at certain things, but it just motivates me to do better. And I learn from seeing how people better than me do things.

Why not take up some sport that your partner does not do, then at least you're better than them at something. Although it does seem a bit petty, that you're jealous of someone's success, when you should be happy for them.

Reply 5

Profesh

I take pleasure in being inherently better at most things (art; poetry; music; acting; comedy; et cetera) than people who've devoted vast swathes of time and effort to them; and failing that, I can at least re-assure myself with the fact that their mastery is almost certainly the result of perseverance and scholastic endeavour spanning months or years. I envy John Cassaday, for instance, but yet retain the small glimmer of hope that, were I to self-teach human anatomy in earnest, I might hold a candle to his virtuosity.

Of course, I doubt I could handle a partner who were innately better than me at the things that make me 'me', hence why I try to refrain from involving myself with such people in the first place; but begrudging others the realisation of a potential that you might well share except for your malaise is simply churlish, and serves only to betray your own insecurity/self-loathing/regret. If you care so much about horse-riding or instrumental prowess, bloody well do something about it; otherwise, I leave you with the sage counsel of one Dylan Moran:

Reply 6

Angelil

ahaha Dylan Moran. *love*
The man speaks the truth :biggrin:

Reply 7

lucyhol1012

Maybe you could look at it a different way and kind of ask her to help you to get better. I'm sure that she wouldn't be funny about it and wouldn't make you feel any worse because if you explain how you feel and suggest you'd like her to help you become better she should be glad to help. If she belittles you then she isn't worth it.

But I really do think the best way is to get her to help you, do it together. Don't think of it as a competition but think of how much she could help you achieve :smile:

Latest

Trending

Articles for you

The reality of Clearing: as told by students

Where to look for financial support to help you study law

Jealous of partner's achievements

Related discussions

Articles for you