The Student Room Group

How to know if you’re ready for uni? Already dreading it

I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.

Hiya Anonymous! :smile: The way you are feeling right now is generally the most common feeling that most Students who will be moving away from Home to study. I can understand where you are coming from because I have had these thoughts too as once I apply this year I may or may not be attending to the University Of Leeds which is very far from me meaning I will have to stay at the Campus over there! Everyone has that nervous feeling but just think about how awesome it will be to become even more independant and also you can meet a lot of new people at the University if you are planning to stay with other Uni Students that adds more to the fun! If you are planning on a gap year you need to decide whether or not it will be beneficial to do so as will you not just feel the same feeling the following year? What will change to make you feel better about moving out as you still have to do it the following year? As for your last point if you will regret it as all of your friends are going to have fun at Uni; there's no doubt that you still will be able to have fun with other Students, besides you will still have an opportunity to meet with your friends as they will still be there after a year I assume?
All the best I am sure someone who has experienced it all will eventually reply here!

Kind regards,
Mikey.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.

Hi there!

I've been through this aha and honestly it gets better over time.

I was very scared at the thought of leaving home, especially because it was my first time leaving my country. I thought I would fill buckets of tears just missing my family. However, once I got here, I didn't cry at all! It was very very strange because I tend to get emotional quickly but I realised that everyone else here is sailing in the same boat. Most people have left their hometown BUT we have each other to fill the void. Most freshers live in uni halls so hopefully you'll get nice flatmates you can enjoy with or even cry with haha. Societies have been an amazing way to find the people I hit off with and I've made some amazing friends.

Plus I loved the independence I got from living alone. If you still miss your family, video call them! You'll feel so much better.

I know it seems pretty overwhelming right now but I promise it gets better and you'll love it at uni once you come. You're not alone in this :wink:

-Himieka (Official DU Rep)
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Durham Students
Hi there!

I've been through this aha and honestly it gets better over time.

I was very scared at the thought of leaving home, especially because it was my first time leaving my country. I thought I would fill buckets of tears just missing my family. However, once I got here, I didn't cry at all! It was very very strange because I tend to get emotional quickly but I realised that everyone else here is sailing in the same boat. Most people have left their hometown BUT we have each other to fill the void. Most freshers live in uni halls so hopefully you'll get nice flatmates you can enjoy with or even cry with haha. Societies have been an amazing way to find the people I hit off with and I've made some amazing friends.

Plus I loved the independence I got from living alone. If you still miss your family, video call them! You'll feel so much better.

I know it seems pretty overwhelming right now but I promise it gets better and you'll it at uni once you come. You're not alone in this :wink:

-Himieka (Official DU Rep)

Thanks so much!! That’s good to know :smile:
Reply 4
Original post by RoadtoSuccess
Hiya Anonymous! :smile: The way you are feeling right now is generally the most common feeling that most Students who will be moving away from Home to study. I can understand where you are coming from because I have had these thoughts too as once I apply this year I may or may not be attending to the University Of Leeds which is very far from me meaning I will have to stay at the Campus over there! Everyone has that nervous feeling but just think about how awesome it will be to become even more independant and also you can meet a lot of new people at the University if you are planning to stay with other Uni Students that adds more to the fun! If you are planning on a gap year you need to decide whether or not it will be beneficial to do so as will you not just feel the same feeling the following year? What will change to make you feel better about moving out as you still have to do it the following year? As for your last point if you will regret it as all of your friends are going to have fun at Uni; there's no doubt that you still will be able to have fun with other Students, besides you will still have an opportunity to meet with your friends as they will still be there after a year I assume?
All the best I am sure someone who has experienced it all will eventually reply here!

Kind regards,
Mikey.

Hi thanks so much for the reply! It’s funny you’re going to leeds as that is the uni near my home that I would love to go to, but don’t have the grades for it! Leeds is a great city though I’m sure you’ll like it. And yes that is true about the gap year, I don’t even have any plans for it I just want to prolong my time at home which probably won’t help. Thanks again :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.

Try to dissect what exactly you'll miss about home/why you're feeling pre-emptively homesick, and then think of ways you can address these things. If you take a gap year purely due to homesickness, it's likely to make it even harder to leave home in 2023 as you'll be used to being at home even more!
Original post by Anonymous
Hi thanks so much for the reply! It’s funny you’re going to leeds as that is the uni near my home that I would love to go to, but don’t have the grades for it! Leeds is a great city though I’m sure you’ll like it. And yes that is true about the gap year, I don’t even have any plans for it I just want to prolong my time at home which probably won’t help. Thanks again :smile:

All the best! And aw if only you went to Leeds too we could have been TSR Uni Buddies! :biggrin:
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.


Hi,
You could always look into online degrees or part time ones to give you more time at home. You can always travel home whenever you like. I feel like it's a struggle lots of people go through and I feel it does get better with time. It is the fear of the unknown but when you've been there a while you will get used to the independence.

All the best
Kasey - ULaw Student Ambassador
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.


I'm sorry to hear your thoughts around uni are evoking negative emotions.

It's a tough time for some students who dread leaving home for university and that's okay. You're not the only one feeling this way.

Have you considered taking some time out between the end of school and starting university? There's no shame in taking a gap year if it means you need more time to figure out what you want to do with your life. There are so many things you can do and involve yourself in that aren't studying at university. Yes, there may be moments of envy, but if you're feeling this way now, imagine how you will feel this time next year when you're at university.

I took a gap year because I needed a break from A-Levels, I was unhappy with my time in education and I wasn't ready to start university. A lot of things were going on and I felt I needed to take control and do things in my own time. Luckily, taking a gap year was the best decision I ever made and I became a better and stronger person when I started university.

My advice to you is to not rush into anything you're not entirely comfortable with as this will only exacerbate how you are now.

If by the time your results come around and you're really not feeling like going to university, you can contact the university and ask to defer your entry. There is a lot of pressure when you're in school to go to university and a lot of that has to do with the rep and stats that your institution monitors and also uses to get more students to study A-Levels and go to university. However, your decision to go to university is your choice. Yes, you will feel bad about not being at university and having fun too, but it's not a regret if you're able to make use of your gap year. Moments are temporary. Feelings and thoughts are temporary and when we're emotional, our thoughts are cloudy.
There are activities such as volunteering, travelling, working on your personal development, getting a job and saving up money that will benefit you so much mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically that by the time university comes around, you'll know what your next move is. Don't worry too much about the opinions of other people because they're not in your position. They're not experiencing and going through what you're going through right now. Only you can make the choice to do what's right for you.

It's a scary step whatever move you take but be brave enough to do what you need to do. Things will improve significantly.

I hope this is insightful.

Veronica
Student Ambassador
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.

Hi there!

I know exactly how you feel with all of this, trust me. I have anxiety, I struggle badly with change, I cried almost every day before I had to leave home and couldn't stop thinking about how much I would miss my family, my home and my country (I'm an international student). And honestly? When I got here, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I spent time either meeting new people, going to classes, doing work or hanging out with the friends I made. There's lots of great things! You're surrounded by friends, can leave and come back whenever you life, have lots of freedom and lots of adventures.

I took a gap year before coming here. I didn't mean to take the gap year, what happened was that I went to a uni after secondary school and I hated it. I cried almost all the time, I wasn't settled, I didn't adjust to everything new around me at all. And looking back now, I realize it was because I wasn't ready. I rushed into my decision and I wasn't matured or aware enough to accept that new chapter in my life, so I ended up dropping out and taking the gap year.

And I have no regrets. When I came the second time (and the first time I was home, the second time I moved countries) I didn't cry constantly, didn't always feel upset, and was more mature and emotionally-level headed to accept and deal with my new life. You're already in a better state than I was, I was completely indifferent about my course, and you love yours! That will help a lot if you like what you do.

When I was in form 6, I could never imagine I would have been able to leave home and study somewhere else. We don't think about it, but as time passes, we grow and mature. I'm sure when you were 9 years old you couldn't imagine yourself being a secondary school student, but when that time came for you to go to a higher school, you grew from being and thinking as a 9 year old and it wasn't as scary as it seemed back then.

6 months is a lot of time, and how you will think after might be completely different from now. The future can be scary but remember, at one point, the present you are in now was the scary future to your past self. If you need to cry then cry, if you need to air your worries to your family then do it, and as that 6 months passes you're slowly climbing up the tall mountain to university. At the end of the 6 months, it won't be a scary mountain, it will simply be one step more. It will get better and you will grow without realising it. My mom loves to remind me how much I cried to come to England and it's because I'm so settled and well-adjusted now. So trust me, it does get better.

If you do go and after a while still feel like this, then I would advise you look into your options for taking a gap year. Don't worry about watching your friends get on, being settled and happy with your life is much more important than doing what everyone else is doing. Your future self will thank you for not sacrificing your happiness for something that miniscule. But honestly, with 6 months to go (that's a very long time), I have full confidence that when your university time comes, you'll be ready. You will probably still cry and miss home, but you'll be ready.

Best of luck with uni, I know you're going to be great. If you have any more concerns, or just want to talk some more, I'm happy to reply.

Jade :smile:
Official University of Southampton Rep
Yeah and it's really tough the thing is you sign not be ready and thats really hard to know until you've been there for a bit I usually advise six week then if it's not right it's not right to quote Stewie Griffin from family "you gave it the old collage try".

When I first went to uni I was very home sick. I decided to leave on the 28th of December. When I told my parents (who are some of the most supportive people I know.) they didn't believe me. so they dropped me off on the Sunday before term started back at uni for the first time since starting I didn't cry when they left them because I had a plan I went to my tutor Nick and told him I wanted to leave he made sure I had a plan and then told me exactly how to leave which form i needed to fill in and stuff. I filled it and and phoned my parents to tell them I'd left (they were on a stand at the boat show.) they couldn't have been more supportive they came down to Portsmouth from the Excel centre in East London that night after the show we packed up my stuff and I went home the relief I can't describe. In the end went to Solent with my brother and was much more happy. Just that half hour closer to home made all the difference.

The reason I tell you the story is that there ai no shame in doing something and releasing it's not right in fact it's to be respected if you can do that it's not easy to realise and know what to do it might not be right but do give it a try is's well worth doing you really can't know until your there.
Original post by Uni of Southampton Students

I took a gap year before coming here. I didn't mean to take the gap year, what happened was that I went to a uni after secondary school and I hated it. I cried almost all the time, I wasn't settled, I didn't adjust to everything new around me at all. And looking back now, I realize it was because I wasn't ready. I rushed into my decision and I wasn't matured or aware enough to accept that new chapter in my life, so I ended up dropping out and taking the gap year.

Exactly the same thing happened to me.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve always had the idea I will go to uni and I love the course I’ve applied for. But it’s only March right now and I’m already crying at least twice a week about the thought of leaving home!! I get awful home sickness and don’t have the grades to go to a uni near home. I don’t know if this is my gut telling me this isn’t right or if it’s normal to be this upset already. I’m honestly dreading moving away from my family and I don’t see how I’ll be ready in only 6 months. Has anyone else been through this? Will it get better? I’ve maybe even considered a gap year but I feel like I’ll regret it when I see all my friends having fun at uni.


Hey! I just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling?

These feelings are completely normal! Don't let the thoughts and feelings of homesickness and nerves affect how you feel about the uni and course, I bet once you're settled in you'll be so thankful you stuck with it! What course are you studying? :smile:

You can always visit home regularly, catch up with loved ones over facetime, and I'm sure you'll be really busy with your studies and socialising with new course mates that it'll help you with the homesickness! It would be a good idea to join a club or society at uni to keep your mind occupied and keep you busy, you'll also be surrounded by people with similar interests to you, so it'll make conversation that bit easier. You could also look at volunteering, part-time work on campus or becoming a student ambassador, all fab ways of meeting new people.

I know it seems daunting and overwhelming right now, but it does get easier. You just take it day by day and you soon find your feet and feel comfortable and settled. I'm sure you'll have a great time at university, I wish you the very best of luck :smile:

Becky
Original post by Coventry University Student Ambassadors
I'm sorry to hear your thoughts around uni are evoking negative emotions.

It's a tough time for some students who dread leaving home for university and that's okay. You're not the only one feeling this way.

Have you considered taking some time out between the end of school and starting university? There's no shame in taking a gap year if it means you need more time to figure out what you want to do with your life. There are so many things you can do and involve yourself in that aren't studying at university. Yes, there may be moments of envy, but if you're feeling this way now, imagine how you will feel this time next year when you're at university.

I took a gap year because I needed a break from A-Levels, I was unhappy with my time in education and I wasn't ready to start university. A lot of things were going on and I felt I needed to take control and do things in my own time. Luckily, taking a gap year was the best decision I ever made and I became a better and stronger person when I started university.

My advice to you is to not rush into anything you're not entirely comfortable with as this will only exacerbate how you are now.

If by the time your results come around and you're really not feeling like going to university, you can contact the university and ask to defer your entry. There is a lot of pressure when you're in school to go to university and a lot of that has to do with the rep and stats that your institution monitors and also uses to get more students to study A-Levels and go to university. However, your decision to go to university is your choice. Yes, you will feel bad about not being at university and having fun too, but it's not a regret if you're able to make use of your gap year. Moments are temporary. Feelings and thoughts are temporary and when we're emotional, our thoughts are cloudy.
There are activities such as volunteering, travelling, working on your personal development, getting a job and saving up money that will benefit you so much mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically that by the time university comes around, you'll know what your next move is. Don't worry too much about the opinions of other people because they're not in your position. They're not experiencing and going through what you're going through right now. Only you can make the choice to do what's right for you.

It's a scary step whatever move you take but be brave enough to do what you need to do. Things will improve significantly.

I hope this is insightful.

Veronica
Student Ambassador

Thankyou so much your reply is really helpful :smile:
Original post by Uni of Southampton Students
Hi there!

I know exactly how you feel with all of this, trust me. I have anxiety, I struggle badly with change, I cried almost every day before I had to leave home and couldn't stop thinking about how much I would miss my family, my home and my country (I'm an international student). And honestly? When I got here, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I spent time either meeting new people, going to classes, doing work or hanging out with the friends I made. There's lots of great things! You're surrounded by friends, can leave and come back whenever you life, have lots of freedom and lots of adventures.

I took a gap year before coming here. I didn't mean to take the gap year, what happened was that I went to a uni after secondary school and I hated it. I cried almost all the time, I wasn't settled, I didn't adjust to everything new around me at all. And looking back now, I realize it was because I wasn't ready. I rushed into my decision and I wasn't matured or aware enough to accept that new chapter in my life, so I ended up dropping out and taking the gap year.

And I have no regrets. When I came the second time (and the first time I was home, the second time I moved countries) I didn't cry constantly, didn't always feel upset, and was more mature and emotionally-level headed to accept and deal with my new life. You're already in a better state than I was, I was completely indifferent about my course, and you love yours! That will help a lot if you like what you do.

When I was in form 6, I could never imagine I would have been able to leave home and study somewhere else. We don't think about it, but as time passes, we grow and mature. I'm sure when you were 9 years old you couldn't imagine yourself being a secondary school student, but when that time came for you to go to a higher school, you grew from being and thinking as a 9 year old and it wasn't as scary as it seemed back then.

6 months is a lot of time, and how you will think after might be completely different from now. The future can be scary but remember, at one point, the present you are in now was the scary future to your past self. If you need to cry then cry, if you need to air your worries to your family then do it, and as that 6 months passes you're slowly climbing up the tall mountain to university. At the end of the 6 months, it won't be a scary mountain, it will simply be one step more. It will get better and you will grow without realising it. My mom loves to remind me how much I cried to come to England and it's because I'm so settled and well-adjusted now. So trust me, it does get better.

If you do go and after a while still feel like this, then I would advise you look into your options for taking a gap year. Don't worry about watching your friends get on, being settled and happy with your life is much more important than doing what everyone else is doing. Your future self will thank you for not sacrificing your happiness for something that miniscule. But honestly, with 6 months to go (that's a very long time), I have full confidence that when your university time comes, you'll be ready. You will probably still cry and miss home, but you'll be ready.

Best of luck with uni, I know you're going to be great. If you have any more concerns, or just want to talk some more, I'm happy to reply.

Jade :smile:
Official University of Southampton Rep

Thanks so much! It’s really helpful to hear your reply, especially for an international student I bet that was a big jump. I’m only going 2 hours away which is still far for me but with time I am coming to terms with it much better :smile:
Original post by jonathanemptage
Yeah and it's really tough the thing is you sign not be ready and thats really hard to know until you've been there for a bit I usually advise six week then if it's not right it's not right to quote Stewie Griffin from family "you gave it the old collage try".

When I first went to uni I was very home sick. I decided to leave on the 28th of December. When I told my parents (who are some of the most supportive people I know.) they didn't believe me. so they dropped me off on the Sunday before term started back at uni for the first time since starting I didn't cry when they left them because I had a plan I went to my tutor Nick and told him I wanted to leave he made sure I had a plan and then told me exactly how to leave which form i needed to fill in and stuff. I filled it and and phoned my parents to tell them I'd left (they were on a stand at the boat show.) they couldn't have been more supportive they came down to Portsmouth from the Excel centre in East London that night after the show we packed up my stuff and I went home the relief I can't describe. In the end went to Solent with my brother and was much more happy. Just that half hour closer to home made all the difference.

The reason I tell you the story is that there ai no shame in doing something and releasing it's not right in fact it's to be respected if you can do that it's not easy to realise and know what to do it might not be right but do give it a try is's well worth doing you really can't know until your there.

Thanks yes this is an interesting perspective. My parents have also said there is no harm in trying something and regretting it. It’s better than not trying something and wishing you had. They are very supportive too which is a great help
Original post by University of Bradford
Hey! I just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling?

These feelings are completely normal! Don't let the thoughts and feelings of homesickness and nerves affect how you feel about the uni and course, I bet once you're settled in you'll be so thankful you stuck with it! What course are you studying? :smile:

You can always visit home regularly, catch up with loved ones over facetime, and I'm sure you'll be really busy with your studies and socialising with new course mates that it'll help you with the homesickness! It would be a good idea to join a club or society at uni to keep your mind occupied and keep you busy, you'll also be surrounded by people with similar interests to you, so it'll make conversation that bit easier. You could also look at volunteering, part-time work on campus or becoming a student ambassador, all fab ways of meeting new people.

I know it seems daunting and overwhelming right now, but it does get easier. You just take it day by day and you soon find your feet and feel comfortable and settled. I'm sure you'll have a great time at university, I wish you the very best of luck :smile:

Becky

Thanks very much :smile: I am actually coming to terms with it a lot more so hopefully come a few months I may even feel completely ready!
Hi there,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
Starting uni and moving away from home are two huge steps in life so it's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and to begin questioning whether it's the right steps for you.

Like others have said, I'd advise not rushing into anything if you're really not sure it's for you at the moment.
Have you spoken to your friends and family about how you feel? Sometimes sharing your worries can be a huge weight off your shoulders which could in turn help give you a better idea of if this is the right decision.

I wish you good luck!

Megan :smile:
University of Chichester Student Rep
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks so much! It’s really helpful to hear your reply, especially for an international student I bet that was a big jump. I’m only going 2 hours away which is still far for me but with time I am coming to terms with it much better :smile:


I'm so glad to hear you are starting to come to terms with it! You'll only become more settled with the idea as time goes by, but I'm very proud of the progress you've made already! Best of luck when your term starts, you'll be great!

Jade :smile:
Official University of Southampton Rep

Quick Reply

Latest