I feel like giving up

So I think I have ADHD and it’s ruining my life. After months of trying to register to a GP, finally I got an appointment. Now i’m on the ever so waiting list to see a psychiatrist. It could literally be next year, even later.

I have 2-ish months till my a levels. There’s nothing I can do. I am extremely behind. I’ve tried and tested every method for revising and studying and nothing works. I just feel like such a failure. I’ve been mentally trying so hard, but getting absolutely nowhere.

I don’t even know what the point of trying is anymore. Even if I resit a year, I may not even get treated by then. I literally am having a mental breakdown and don’t know what to do. I quit my job, avoided going out, i’ve done everything to try and focus on a levels, and it’s gotten no where. Everyday is a mental battle with myself. And add to that the stress from teachers and parents because I’m failing. Idk what to do anymore. Everyone thinks I‘m just a lazy piece of ****. No one realizes how hard I’m trying. I can’t go on anymore.

Reply 1

Muttly

Well, it might be a hard question to ask but given the sheer in depth and quantity of academic work involved are A levels the best thing for you to do? Everyone assumes everyone has to do A-Levels but not everyone is able to do them and this seems to have caused you some of the issues you currently face?

You know yourself what you need to do to regain control of your life and living. So just make a decision and then stick by it. That might be by just stopping A levels? You say you have given up your job and your social life chasing something that clearly is not working for you? Get back to where you were, find another job, find some good friends and reassess whether you do actually need to do A levels. It really is important for you to talk this through with your parents and your tutors. Normally I would urge people to go to the ends of the earth and never give up but I sense you know that is way past this and you are never going to make it? Maybe people continuing to push you to do A levels is creating your mental anguish? Whatever you decide, it is not a failure to have tried and let go. Learning is a lifetime, and you can pick up study at any age or any time. Sometimes the timing of the things we embark on just isn't right.

You have gone from a position of relative emotional stability to emotional pain and upset necessitating you to need to see a psychiatrist. This is your life and you need to have the courage to carefully think things thinking about the longer term and have a vision of what you want to do on your terms. Make emotional stability and happiness your goal, but I feel that it is likely that once you have made a decision that is right for you you will feel so much better.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Hi. I'm in a very similar position to you. I was actually diagnosed with ADHD just over a month ago now and I'm also 2 months away from my A Level exams. Disclaimer: I'm not a psychiatrist, so I can't diagnose you and I certainly can't rule out other conditions that might be making you feel this way, but from what you've written it sounds a lot like me.

I completely understand the struggle you're having. Nobody ever believed me when I told them how hard I was trying! And you're right; the adult waitlist to see a psychiatrist for ADHD is two years long. For children, it's about four years. It really is an absolute state and I entirely empathise with your despair at this. I was fortunate enough to go the private route, where wait lists are sometimes just a couple of months long. Is this an option available to you at all? Do you have any savings?

I do want to make you aware that a diagnosis doesn't solve the issue, though. And - in many cases - neither does medication, if that's the route you'd consider going down. The way I see it: medication helps set the stage for things to get better, and sort of levels the playing field a bit, but you still have to be prepared to put in the work with various coping strategies.

The reason I'm telling you this isn't to discourage you further, but to highlight that there (in most cases) isn't such a thing as a "magic pill" that will suddenly make things better. People with ADHD, medicated or unmedicated, still need ADHD-specific strategies to get through tricky times like the exam period. And these strategies are most often the things that really make a difference and help you get back on track, and there's no reason you can't be trying these strategies now, even without a diagnosis.

What I'm suggesting is that you do a little research into these strategies, just even via Google. One of the things that was suggested to me by my psychiatrist that I feel has really helped me is planning out my day to the hour. It sounds deceptively simple, but it really does help! 24 hours in advance, you plan out what you're going to do in your day, hour by hour. I do mean to plan out everything: plan when you're going to shower, when you're going to have your meals, when you're going to get that specific bit of homework done.
Then, for each hour in the day, think of a reward and a punishment for if you do or don't get the things done that you planned in that hour. Think of something you really like! For me, my reward tends to be time on my phone, because I do enjoy talking to my friends or scrolling on Tiktok. If I don't get the things done that I said I would in that hour, no biggie, but it means I don't get to go on my phone. I do recommend roping in family members to hold you accountable on this, if they're willing to help.

People with ADHD have faulty dopamine and seratonin receptors in the brain. We need instant gratification to motivate us, which is why if it doesn't capture our attention immediately or we don't find it fun, we can't do it. It's not your fault. Another thing I really do recommend is reading up on how ADHD brains are fundamentally different from neurotypical brains. I couldn't be "normal" even if I tried! It was a real relief figuring out that my brain chemistry is just different, and I'm not lazy, and I'm not stupid. You're not lazy either, and I'm sure you know this, deep down, because you're trying. You haven't had any success with the revision methods you've tried because more often than not, those methods are suited to people with different brains.

In terms of the exams, there absolutely are things you can do, I promise. I hear you say you're behind, and so am I, but 2 months is still a lot of time. Even if you're only able to revise one of your subjects, or one of your papers, or even just one topic before the exams, it truly is better than nothing. Do some research into how to cope with exams when you have ADHD, and definitely try planning out revision in your day like I've outlined above. There are lots and lots of things you can try, even if you feel you've exhausted them all. I would also suggest talking to your teachers about your suspected ADHD, even if you don't have a diagnosis. It helped me get some lenience with deadlines and took the pressure off a bit, which is sometimes the most important thing. If you have counsellors at your college, take advantage of them, too. I was lucky enough to have a counsellor at my school that was trained in helping students with ADHD, although my college is very large and I appreciate most places won't have that.

Apologies for the wall of text, but I was near-suicidal with despair before my diagnosis, and if I'm able to help you even a little with anything I've written, that would be worth it for me. Don't give up! Worst case scenario - you do badly in your exams and have to resit.

Reply 3

Petetyerman

the equality expects your school/colledge to make adjustments from the day it is aware that a suspicion backed by evidence exist .A referral is enough for that to occur.request support and adjustments before deciding how to proceed

I feel like giving up

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