He's still on tinder after 3 dates

I've been on 3 dates with this guy and it's going great. I have anxiety so I have a hard time showing my emotions but i'm doing my best.
He's made it clear he'd like me to communicate openly about my emotions because he can't be sure otherwise how I feel but he hasn't communicated anything like that himself? So I havent either..
I would feel most comfortable taking it in text due to my social anxiety, just ask him what he's looking for and what his expectations are, and it's usually not a problem but I can't get a moment to text him this when he never chats with me... He only ever texts me to make plans, and if I text him he's rarely online and the conversation is dry and ends quickly. It's only like that over text, in person it's easy to talk.
I'm seeing him again tuesday and I don't want to be pushy. I am a person who needs space and to move slowly so if he is too I know how annoying it can be and you dont want to feel pressured. But we have been on three dates now. He even kissed me on our last date. He likes me clearly so why is he on tinder?? If you've seen someone three times you usually start to feel it's getting serious. It's making me very anxious especially when I don't know if I can text him and talk about where we stand, as preferably i'd wanna know when I meet him again.
It would help in knowing how to feel about the date and what to expect and what mindset to go in with. I saw he'd been on tinder because his location updates and location on tinder only updates if you've been active on the app. I think it's possible he doesn't know what I feel (every guy i've ever met said I am impossible to read) and i'd express how I feel best in text as well as it would help for the next date, i'd feel more comfortable and be myself if we had talked about where we stand.
So what should I do? Should I just text him and talk about the date and then switch the topic to what our intensions are going forward??

Reply 1

BradM99

It's only serious when you make it clear it's serious. Until it's official he has no reason to delete Tinder. He might feel the same way you do in that you haven't told him you want it to be serious.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by BradM99

It's only serious when you make it clear it's serious. Until it's official he has no reason to delete Tinder. He might feel the same way you do in that you haven't told him you want it to be serious.

How do I make that clear? I dont want to be pushy and ask him to be exclusive. Should I just ask him what he's looking for and then if he's dating others? How can I do that without sounding negative and accusing?

Reply 3

BradM99

Original post by Anonymous

I think you're doubting yourself a lot. You're worrying about how you'll make him feel, but what about you? Your feelings matter too, you don't have to just wait and see what happens whilst questioning the entire thing like you are now.

I'd ask him. As hard as it sounds it really does boil down to a win-win situation: Either he feels the same, or he doesn't. If he doesn't then you don't need to be second guessing over this person all the time anymore.

Ask him what he's looking for, I've had girls ask me that exact same thing and I've never once seen it as negative or pushy. You are just asking them a question. If he could possibly react badly to that question then honestly you'd be dodging a bullet because there is nothing wrong with it.

Reply 4

Feastful

After 3 dates, you're not exactly girlfriend & boyfriend. The world of dating is so fraught, a lot of people keep their options open until things get official/serious. This doesn't mean that the time you're spending together isn't extremely special and important though.

If you want to get together, then just bring the subject up. Its not unreasonable or pushy. You won't know how he feels about you until you ask. And if you're serious about having a relationship with someone, then you need to learn how to communicate (and that's only going to happen if you practice).

Reply 5

RB115

I had a similar experience where things seemed great in person, but online interactions could have been more varied and precise. It's essential to communicate your feelings and expectations. Since you're more comfortable texting, send him a message before your next date, expressing your thoughts and asking about his intentions. It's okay to be direct about wanting to understand where you both stand.

Personally, after my own set of mixed experiences on Tinder, I shifted my focus to exploring BDSM dating adventures. It aligns more with my interests, offering a platform where expressing one's preferences and boundaries is straightforward and encouraged. It's a different experience, where open communication is vital, and I've found it more satisfying than traditional dating apps. To explore other facets of your dating life, check this link: https://fantasyapp.com/en/blog/bdsm-dating-adventures/.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Just be straight up and ask. The fact that he's still on Tinder means that he must be still looking and considering other options as to what else is out there.
Its also important to remember that your feelings actually matter! Its no point keep going on with things and you don't even know what he thinks about it or if he is even serious for that matter while you being there all anxious and wondering whats going on.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #2

Also why is that he doesn't want to make an effort to text and only texts to make plans to meet? This makes me think that he might be also be using his time to text other girls and also making plans to meet them too as this seems a bit weird why a guy will not want to text to talk about things in chat but only feel engaged in person...