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Strange Cause of Anxiety

I am genuinely really struggling so please only supportive answers.
Bit of background. So there is a public figure, kind of celebrity - small celebrity, up and coming type - that I admire. (They will be left unnamed, I will just Callthem D) This started as a normal celebrity interest, celebrity crush I guess. It came and went as normal crushes go. D has helped me realize things about my gender identity through their work.

In Oct last year I saw D at a gig they were doing. After the gig I left straight away, to get my return train home. D was there also waiting for their train. I went up to D and said hi and said I loved their show. We had a quick interaction and photo before I had to get my train. I was over the moon I got to meet them. That should have been it. Saw my celebrity crush, got a photo, all was well with the world.

The few days following this interaction, I had serious anxiety, I felt sick, restless, shaky and really depressed! Like it had hit me like a brick wall. There was no obvious trigger or cause. All I could think of was this interaction with D. I couldn’t even look at the photo I had with D as it made me feel sick with anxiety. I felt drawn to D. Like more drawn to them than anyone else. Like when you feel a new connection with someone. Yes I know. Stupid.

This lasted about a week. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered but D. I felt stupid, silly and crazy. I couldn’t eat without feeling sick. I felt like I had to run away. I was constantly shaky , even in my sleep. I felt like I had gone mad. It passed, eventually.

This week I went to see D again for a gig. I felt like I need to try work out what it was that caused the anxiety before. Perhaps to get closure. I felt exposure was the best way to do it. My plan was to just go to the gig, have a nice time, go home, get on with my life, like any other person.

The gig was great. I returned to the bar area after to have a drink before I headed home. D appeared in the bar and was talking with fans and having drinks. They seemed really happy to have the interaction with fans after the gig. After the anxiety I felt last time, I felt it would be safer to not approach D and just finish my drink and leave. I felt okay with this, felt like I had got the closure I needed and I didn’t feel overly bothered about talking to them this time.

I took my drink and sat down in a seat that became available. Not long after I sat down, D actually approached me and sat next to me. We had a lovely interaction and another photo. I was happy and even more so because D approached me not the other way round. I felt a connection. Yes I know, it’s ridiculous.
Then the familiar feelings of feeling stupid, silly and crazy smacked me in the face on the return home. The whole way home on the train I felt sick with anxiety, felt exhausted and couldn’t focus on anything else but thinking about the interaction with D.
The last few days I’ve felt the same anxiety, restlessness that I did in October. I can’t eat, sleep, I can’t sit still. I feel this impending doom feeling. I want to cry, but I don’t even know why.

I like this person, they are a lovely person. But why do they make me feel so bad? Even though I feel bad, I want to be around them. Why can’t I just admire their work from afar, like other people. Just be happy I got to meet them again and go about my normal daily life? But I can’t. It has consumed me. I can’t shift this feeling of connection.

D has also been paying me more attention on social media. When D approached me in the bar, they said they had seen my story on social media and wanted to say see me.
Anyone experienced this?
Anyone know what it could mean?
I already feel silly and ridiculous so please no nasty comments. I know nothing will happen with D. I just need to work out this extreme anxiety and strange draw to them. It feels more than just a celebrity crush.
Hey,

I'm slightly similar, but just a couple of questions if you don't mind answering

Do you feel like you owe D anything, like something in return for him helping you realise things about your gender identity?

So you mentioned that you felt these negative feelings after meeting D, do you think that you're feeling these emotions because you feel that you aren't enough for him and that he can do better?

And after you meet him, do you often overthink and feel anxiety and just think about what you should and shouldn't have done when interacting with him?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions, then you may have the need to impress him, and show the best side of yourself to him which isn't a bad thing. But if you're an overthinker, like me then you end up feeling bad about yourself because in your mind, you see that you and him won't work out

I don't think it's just a silly celebrity crush though, it definitely doesn't seem to be one-sided as he still has approached you and has paid more attention to you since. I wish you all the best, and remember that you are a lovely person, worthy of love
This video focuses on appreciating the things and the people that you currently have in your life. And not having the "I'll be so happy when.." mentality.



There was also an interesting video where Owen talked about it what it takes to become a friend of his, from his perspective as a celebrity (this video may have been taken down now). In it he said that most people that he met came over as if they wanted something from him, eg a photo with him, an autograph, some business deal with him. He said that the people that became his personal friends very much tended to be the people that wanted nothing from him. The people that might go to one of his parties and dip out early.

There's a lot to be said for interacting with celebrities as if they are normal people. Just another person in your life.

There's 2 prongs to this:
1 Being present in the moment and enjoying who and what you have in your life right now. Today. This moment.
2 Not putting D on a pedestal. They are on the same level ground as you. Just another human being. Your life wouldn't suddenly become wonderful if D were to become a large part of it. Interact with D as if they are just another man or woman.

This video talks about the buyer-seller dynamic from 9:00 and talks about not over-investing in someone at 21:00


The analogy that they use of going into a store to buy a TV is a good one. You wouldn't walk into Currys and go up to the first flashy looking TV you see and say "I wanna buy that one. This TV is so great. I really want it. I want it so much it makes me nervous." You'd say "This TV looks interesting. Let's find out if it's the right TV for me."
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Hey,

I'm slightly similar, but just a couple of questions if you don't mind answering

Do you feel like you owe D anything, like something in return for him helping you realise things about your gender identity?

So you mentioned that you felt these negative feelings after meeting D, do you think that you're feeling these emotions because you feel that you aren't enough for him and that he can do better?

And after you meet him, do you often overthink and feel anxiety and just think about what you should and shouldn't have done when interacting with him?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions, then you may have the need to impress him, and show the best side of yourself to him which isn't a bad thing. But if you're an overthinker, like me then you end up feeling bad about yourself because in your mind, you see that you and him won't work out

I don't think it's just a silly celebrity crush though, it definitely doesn't seem to be one-sided as he still has approached you and has paid more attention to you since. I wish you all the best, and remember that you are a lovely person, worthy of love

Hey, thank you for your supportive message. It means a lot.

Do I feel like I owe them something - that’s an interesting question actually but after thinking about it no, I don’t think so.

That’s what I thought initially, that I just felt like D was just so unattainable so perhaps that’s why the anxiety was there. But some how, especially recently, they don’t feel totally unattainable. So yeah, I’ve defiantly explored those feelings as a trigger but it feels more than that.. if that makes sense?

I definitely have gone over and over the interaction a lot, especially the first one, I couldn’t get that out of my head. Mainly because it was so rushed and I didn’t want to leave a negative impression on them. The interaction on Monday however, no I haven’t over analysed that as much, I feel I was confident and chilled and didn’t approach her for anything, so I wasn’t acting like ‘just a fan’ I suppose.

Another thing that’s interesting is that, I don’t know if you are familiar with Instagram, but when you tag someone in a story it sends them a message, with a screenshot of your story. It’s a small screenshot, but you can see the image or contents quite clearly within the messenger platform; If you click on the image itself, it will expand it to a bigger screen. It will also tell the sharer that you have actually viewed the story personally. The last few stories I have posted and tagged D in, after going to the gigs, D has opened fully.

Thank you for your kind words.
Reply 4
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
This video focuses on appreciating the things and the people that you currently have in your life. And not having the "I'll be so happy when.." mentality.



There was also an interesting video where Owen talked about it what it takes to become a friend of his, from his perspective as a celebrity (this video may have been taken down now). In it he said that most people that he met came over as if they wanted something from him, eg a photo with him, an autograph, some business deal with him. He said that the people that became his personal friends very much tended to be the people that wanted nothing from him. The people that might go to one of his parties and dip out early.

There's a lot to be said for interacting with celebrities as if they are normal people. Just another person in your life.

There's 2 prongs to this:
1 Being present in the moment and enjoying who and what you have in your life right now. Today. This moment.
2 Not putting D on a pedestal. They are on the same level ground as you. Just another human being. Your life wouldn't suddenly become wonderful if D were to become a large part of it. Interact with D as if they are just another man or woman.

This video talks about the buyer-seller dynamic from 9:00 and talks about not over-investing in someone at 21:00


The analogy that they use of going into a store to buy a TV is a good one. You wouldn't walk into Currys and go up to the first flashy looking TV you see and say "I wanna buy that one. This TV is so great. I really want it. I want it so much it makes me nervous." You'd say "This TV looks interesting. Let's find out if it's the right TV for me."

Thank you for sharing this. It certainly makes a lot of sense to my situation.

I really appreciate your kind words and support. :smile:

I agree totally about the pedestal thing. I do have a tendency to do that with people I admire. So that is defiantly something I will work on first and foremost!

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