The Student Room Group

making friends at university

hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!
Get having pleasant conversations with people. Don't be too overly friendly but maintain boundaries.

Try joining the Uni gym and also engage in Student Union activities. This could help you.
thank you!
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!


Hi!

Starting uni can be a scary time for everyone but remember everyone is in the same position as you!
I'd recommend joining a facebook freshers group for your university, as most people on here will make small group chats where you can start talking to other students and it will make you feel more comfortable about when you do start uni as you will know of some people.

Joining a society is always a great idea. Most of the friends I have made at ui have been from joining a society. You don't have to have played the sport before or know anything about the society, as it's a great learning opportunity and societies are more than welcome to introduce newbies and beginners. When you go to freshers fayre it is the best place to explore what societies will be on offer at the university. Also, don't forget to check out the societies social media pages too!

Most of all don't stress too much about it, everything works out eventually and you'll get so many opportunities to meet new people.

Hope this helps!
Best wishes
Chloe - Official Student Rep :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!

Hey!

Great news about firming your university choice! :smile:

This is expected and totally normal, I felt the exact same way when I was a student. Do you experience any social anxiety in these situations, if so your university will definitely be able to support you through this, you're not alone.

I found the online blogging community to be very welcoming and friendly if you are looking for more online friends, but in terms of students I'd take a look at your university's social media channels for any Freshers groups or Applicant and Offer Holders groups where you can find your fellow course mates and get involved in ice breakers. It's always a good idea to add course mates on social and start some small interactions such as liking their recent photos or replying to their Instagram stories to build up a connection :smile: hopefully then in person you'd feel more confident initiating a conversation. You could also arrange plans with course mates that won't make you feel too drained, a short walk or a study session at a local coffee shop for instance. Then if at any point you feel too tired you can just make an excuse about heading back to do some work or attending an appointment for instance.

I'm sure you'll find a good balance of studying and socialising at university :smile:

Wishing you the very best of luck!

Becky
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!

Hi there!

It's understandable that you're nervous about making friends but it usually isn't as bad as you think! First year at uni is often spent with very friendly people as everyone is still fresh and excited to make new friends and meet new people, you'll probably find yourself being sought out more often than seeking friends! Societies have lots of free taster sessions in the beginning and there always lots of freshers events planned, so you'll have plenty opportunity to meet new people. Just be open and try to say yes to as many things that you are interested in (it would be a bit harder to make friends if you stay holed up in your room!) If you're staying in halls, you'll also have a new flat to meet which is always exciting, as these are the people you'd be living with.

I would say just go out and try to do and experience as much as you can, you never know when you'll bump into someone who you instantly click with! A way I found to handle my social battery running out would usually be to know what days I'll be going out and how long I intend to stay. For example, if I go on a night out I might tell myself it ends at 2am. This way I sort of mentally prepare myself and reserve energy to be social for a set number of hours and at the end of it, I can just leave. And many times I end up having a good time and wanting to stay. I also try to have as many chill nights as night outs; I find it much easier to have a movie night or games night or drinks at home multiple times during the week than going clubbing or bars frequently. So try to find ways to give yourself time to recharge but still be sociable, like maybe just going for a walk in the park or a coffee somewhere!

Best of luck with starting your first year and I'm sure you'll have an amazing time! If you have any more questions I'm happy to answer them.

Jade :smile:
Official University of Southampton Rep
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!

Heya,


Understandably, the thought of starting university can send shivers down your spine and butterflies in your stomach! The thought of meeting new people, making friends or not meeting like-minded people, can be pretty overwhelming! Overthinking friendships is very natural, but just remember most students will have these reservations’! Everyone is sailing the same boat here.

I have given some tips that I have given other students in your position below, with the aim that this advice will hopefully give you guys a starting point in term of connecting and building positive friendships here at the uni:

1) Moving in day if in Halls: Make an effort to introduce yourself to your flatmates and offer to help move each other’s stuff! (Great icebreaker and conversation starter!)
2) Knock on your neighbours doors (Get a conversation flowing - good way to build introductions)
3) Drink tea together! (spend time in the kitchen and one another’s flats, chit chatting with a good ol’ brew!)
4) Get talking to people on your course. Intro lectures are a great place to start conversation or suggest a coffee or drink after!
5) Freshers events at is a must! (breaks the ice! Pre’s with flatmates, get dressed up and head down with people from local flats! Good way to build friendships and meet new people through others)
6) Go to events and join societies! (Meet people with similar interests whilst learning something new and having fun!) Have a look at your student union pages and social media to find out all the information.
7) Spend time in common rooms if you are in Halls or have made friends in halls. (Way to get to know more faces whilst playing games and watching movies together)
Lastly, be yourself! (If you’ve got this far…. you’re thriving!)☺️

Don't stress too much, things will settle throughout your uni journey. You will most likely be meeting new people all of the time, so just starting a conversation with people offline; will begin to direct you here.

If you have any more specific questions, drop a question below and I will do my best to answer for you!

Hope this helps!

Olivia (Uni of Southampton Ambassador)
Perhaps go out without the intention of making friends? Making a friend just requires a click, so you could go to an event and just remain open? :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!


Hey,
I was super nervous about making friends too! But it wasn't as bad as I thought that it would be, everyone was keen to go out together and get to know each other as barely anyone knew each other. Many unis often have forums that you can meet your classmates or flat mates on so it might be worth having and look so you can speak to some new people first! From my experience I also found that there were lots of welcome events that did seem a little scary but were very worth while and beneficial! Whilst it sounds counter intuitive sometimes light exercise can help to recharge your social battery and realise happy hormones! Along with listening to music and even just allowing your self to rest, sometimes writing everything down can be useful too or going out for short periods of time to avoid becoming too overwhelmed, it can make it feel much easier. Socailising can take a lot of energy so its important to look after yourself!
Hope this helps,

Let me know how you get on,
Eleanor,
-Student Ambassador
Hey, i just graduated! I felt the same as you before going to uni, ive always had a low social battery and meeting so many people at so many events can be so draining it's hard to keep up. I didn't change anything about my low social energy as i accepted it as part of me and in that way i attracted friendships where i didn't have to force myself to go out or go beyond my social limits. Some people you meet, it will just feel right and spending time with them won't even be draining. Go to the societies, clubs and events you think you'll enjoy - don't force yourself to do anything more than you wouldn't usually want to, you'll find your people, trust me :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!

My eldest joined uni in 2020 year of the lockdowns of doom. So what she did before starting uni was to join freshers group pages (usually on well known social media sites) It was just a ''Hi im ..... and im starting in september studying ........, looking forward to meeting new people. if there any instant chat groups please add me''. and they did. Come summer of 2020 she was in a physics chat group for that uni and they took it in turns to host quizzes on zoom every sunday. Then one time after the results day and before uni started they all met up in the uni's city.
Come move in day, she brought a bottle of rosé, a 4 pack of beer, a box of chocolates and a white board and colours opens from wilkos (white board went down a treat) . They all chipped in as a flat and got a projector together and did things like video games and watch movies and netflix together.
Now you also you als have societies as well as fresher week getting together with other flats too :smile:
Shes not an clubbing person either, but she is part of a pub quiz team, also does badminton, bakes with friends, and is part of the disney society so its social, but the level thats right for her and you will find your level too :smile:
To come at this from a different angle, I have chronic health problems and extreme fatigue is one of my ongoing symptoms. I love going out and meeting people but it's exhausting and I'm completely dead afterwards and can't handle being around people for a while. I recommend only going to events you have a genuine interest in and allowing yourself to leave if you're not having fun. By forcing yourself you're expending more energy and that means a longer recovery time for your social battery. This means that you might already be in a deficit by the time you go to an event you actually want to go to.

By limiting the events you go to you'll conserve your energy for where it's needed and you'll have much more success in meeting people and making connections. Also it's ok to cancel if you need to. If you suddenly find yourself low on energy then take some time for self care and hang out in your room with snacks and Netflix. Don't feel like you need to be going at 100% all of the time. No one can maintain that, even if it seems like other people are.
i was massively worried about making friends at uni but talking to your flatmates (if you're living on campus) and talking to their mates, talking to people on your course, joining societies and going to sports sessions is a good start! i've found that a couple of my flatmates are now people i'd consider my best mates and i'm quite matey with a bunch of one of thems' mates on their course. try and look on facebook for your uni's accommodation groups and see if you can find your flatmates, that's how i started.

i, like the person above, do enjoy some me time and like to chill out in my room watching netflix or youtube or even just listening to music, and it's more than okay to say "i'm not feeling like doing anything today"! everyone has those days where they don't want to do anything. start slow and build up, everyone's in the same boat starting in a completely new (to most people) place where they usually won't know anyone
Be the one who talks to other people. don't assume people will come to you.
Original post by Anonymous
hi,

so I’m thinking of now firming the University of Exeter but i’m scared/nervous about making friends as my social battery has decreased MASSIVELY and i barley go out with my own friends now because of that, I’m working on trying to increase it by simply trying to go out with friends more but i physically have to force myself to go out when I’m asked to, the last time i went out willingly was on the 25th or 26th of February, i did enjoy myself a lot but after that i felt so drained. I like having online friends cause then i could just type instead of actually going out to meet them. that was the point of my post to try and make some online friends who also are going to exeter or already at exeter to just talk so when i eventually do go to exeter we could meet and be friends!

also please if you have any tips on how to increase my social battery or make friends at university please leave them below!

thanks!

Most people are nervous. My children certainly were (particularly my daughter who became isolated and anxious during lockdown). If I may give you a practical tip: buy a doorstop (and bring mugs, coffee, tea, milk and biscuits). Wedging your door open when you first move in is a must - people will come and say hi if your door is open... Best of luck. You will thrive x
lots of ice detailed replies, my 2 penneth

I was very quiet when I first went to Uni, sitting chatting over a cup of tea with someone I didn't know was terrifying - what on earth would we talk about!

but give me a reason to interact, eg a club or hobby or activity and things were much easier.

Things I did:
- joined 3 clubs in freshers week, and kept going (lots of folks seem to lose interest quite quickly) as it takes time for friendships to form
- offered to help organise kit/stuff/transport for clubs (in my case the hockey team, I liked playing but wasn't good enough to make the team) because no one wanted to do the chores. Ended up as an SU minibus driver on the back of this, which was fun
- offered a games night to folks on my course to help get to know them, though it tended to end up with folks bringing a bottle of beer and playing cards/Uno

My top tip, is don't be afraid to let friendships fade if they aren't what you want. In my first term I ended up hanging about with some curious characters and should have moved on sooner
All these long replies...I'll keep it simple. Exeter (I grew up there) is a great city with a good close knit feel to it. You'll make friends no matter what you're into. First advice is to ignore student bars (timepiece etc) reason being there's so many other quirky places to visit in Exeter and meet new people. Literally just have a couple of beers on the cathedral green or along the river exe and you'll have people walking up to you to say hi. Don't worry about it. Just get yourself out and about and try to say yes to as many things as possible.

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