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Describe a mysterious place of AQA: Please can someone mark this out of 40?

Please bare in mind that this is my first time writing a descriptive piece in the exam timing of 45 minutes so don't be surprise if it is not at its standard. :smile:

WHOOSH: Charging vapors battled through the enveloped gaps between the fatal entrance. Embattled wind encircled the mythical environment where only dark was seemed to inhabit. The intermingled area stood silently through the cold winter of the month; reaching grass stretched out hysterically for survival; dancing trees swayed uncomfortably, towering over the haggard light obstructed by the remaining twilight behind the clouds; clover of clouds hung melancholic fear, penetrating a tentative threat towards earth. Roaring with enigmatic envy, bolting of conflagration lights burst open the dauntless sky, entering an everlasting nightmare. Swooshing, screeching, scanning of wind surrounds the remaining historical memories in the area. Arching of pebbled stones crafts a dulling entrance, signaling a deafening warning. Fluctuating bolts occurrences disturbs nature, bronzing nature’s creation. The frantic frog flushes into the graveyard, obscuring the explicit profounds of nature. Hissing sounds of fearful wildlife rushes to safety: hopping, running, swaying, flying; but no escape came to their rescue. The silent night awakens the ghostly presence of mankind, abolishing the natural cycle of human nature. The pervading fog secluded itself within these implicit figures of the imagination, invigorating these primordial existences. CLASH! Clashes of lightning lighted up the secluded place, highlighting its location, whilst simultaneously the cascaded trees are left to observe nature’s annihilation.

Fluffy balls of candy floss stretched over the horizon, blanketing its consequential cause. Observing its disheveled mess, birds flew rapidly for safety. These clouds rolled over each other like tidal waves, enviously trying to become this king of the castle. The twisted trees pricked the horizon, manipulating its safety above. Continuous charges of vapors crashed into these deformed creations of earth, battling them for power. The resplendent bushes twinkled their emerald leaves, exposing the glistening emptiness of a water droplet. Amplifying air filled the atmosphere with nothing but emptiness, claiming nature’s mortality and turning it into nothing but natural occurrence. The soldiering grass tiptoed silently through the enclosed deathliness of a forest point of view. Casting shadows of the trees jumping from angle to angle like a shooting star. Escalating rounds of wind evaporates through the lifeless environment, penetrating evilness within. These diaphanous eclipses haunted the area, pulverizing nature’s inhabitant, and morality towards society. Cryptic twinkle of twilight reflects off the attached water droplets from the vibrant leaves, obstructing a maze of freedom. The contrast of flickering light acts as a guiding escape route, provoking a hysterical chance of the imagination. These mocking sights contorted the animals as they glare insanely for help. The forcing of thunder cries momentarily as its attachments of glimpsing droplets extended from its resource; hitting earth’s ground viciously as it crushes the emerald existence. Drowning these antithetical stones on the graveyard’s leveling, bouncing randomly through the growing air like leaping frogs.
Very good
Did you use a thesaurus?
Original post by vapordave
Did you use a thesaurus?


No.
Original post by tinyperson
Very good


Thank you! If you don’t mind, what score out of 40 would you give me? :smile:

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