The Student Room Group

No Friends

I left high school and am taking a gap year. I never really properly had friends in school but would always have people to sit with i guess that I counted as friends. When in school all my friends never invite me out. They all went on holiday together without even telling me until after. I have depression and for a long time couldn't go outside my house and everyone just sort of brushed off even inviting me since then. They have lots of group chats and exclude me from everything. It hurts seeing now on social media that everyone in my year are at parties and all my friends hang out together but no one even tells me. I dont want a huge social life I just want to know how I can make a friend and know we're actually friends and im not just there. I dont know how to keep friends and im terrified of it happening in uni.
Original post by Anonymous
I left high school and am taking a gap year. I never really properly had friends in school but would always have people to sit with i guess that I counted as friends. When in school all my friends never invite me out. They all went on holiday together without even telling me until after. I have depression and for a long time couldn't go outside my house and everyone just sort of brushed off even inviting me since then. They have lots of group chats and exclude me from everything. It hurts seeing now on social media that everyone in my year are at parties and all my friends hang out together but no one even tells me. I dont want a huge social life I just want to know how I can make a friend and know we're actually friends and im not just there. I dont know how to keep friends and im terrified of it happening in uni.


Those so called ‘friends’ aren’t friends at all. One of my very good friends currently actually dealt with this as well. She was always left out, never invited to parties it got to the point where at lunch time her friend group would run away from her. One day me and a few other friends went to lunch to with her and we came to find out she is a really nice and fun person and we get on very well. I’m just trying to say that most of the time it’s not you, it’s just the people that you surround your self with. You’ll meet the right group of friends eventually. I myself am still in high school, but i believe that there are so many different types of people out there, that you are bound to find someone you get on with. Obviously it is not guaranteed. The best way to keep friends is just stay in contact. I am guilty of this myself sometimes but sending a text every now and then is more meaningful than you’d think. It lets the person know that you still think of them during your busy filled days. Also joining clubs may help in terms of exposure and meeting new people. Also I’ve heard that university is different to high school and it is not a cliquey so it is probably less likely to happen there. Hope this helps! :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I left high school and am taking a gap year. I never really properly had friends in school but would always have people to sit with i guess that I counted as friends. When in school all my friends never invite me out. They all went on holiday together without even telling me until after. I have depression and for a long time couldn't go outside my house and everyone just sort of brushed off even inviting me since then. They have lots of group chats and exclude me from everything. It hurts seeing now on social media that everyone in my year are at parties and all my friends hang out together but no one even tells me. I dont want a huge social life I just want to know how I can make a friend and know we're actually friends and im not just there. I dont know how to keep friends and im terrified of it happening in uni.

Hi,

Making friends at uni is a common concern for new students, and the process is different for everyone! I discovered that going in to student halls was a great initial way of making friends, as you are with a group of students right from the start of your university experience and living with them will make the bonding process that little bit easier. Halls also means you will be closer to campus and therefore closer to any events the Student Union may be running. In my first year, I found that meeting up with others in my personal tutor group was a great way of making friends, as you already have that initial common ground of having the same tutor and can continue to get to know each other.

Societies are also a really popular way of interacting with new people, and again offers the opportunity to meet people with a common interest. Universities have such a large number of students so you are sure to find a group of people that you really get along with, it may not happen immediately but this is normal! I also find that joining a society takes off some of the pressure of maintaining a conversation for too long, as you will break the conversation up with whatever activity or sport the society does. Societies also offer socials, from nights out to days out, so there is even more opportunity to get to know your peers and create those genuine connections.

I also found that in the first year everyone was so open and willing to get to know people, which again makes starting initial conversations easier. I would recommend taking part in as much as you feel comfortable doing, by getting involved you maximise the chances of meeting people you really get along with. So many students will be nervous about making friends, however try not to be! University is where so many people make their life long friends, and I am sure you will thoroughly enjoy the experience.

I wish you the best of luck! If you have anything else you would like to ask about making friends at university, or university more generally, I would be happy to help.

Jasmine (an Official University of Southampton Rep):smile:

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