The Student Room Group

HELP: Abortion?

I am in university now. I've been seeing someone for almost a year now. We had you know what with protection and I've just found out I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do. I think I'd like to have an abortion but he's older and finishes uni this year so I think he wants me to keep it. Of course he's saying he will support me either way but I think he will feel like I've killed his child a few months down the line so I have no idea what to do. I know I'm not ready but I really dont want this to come between us. I think I just need some advice as I'm not ready to tell my friends at the moment.
Reply 1
Contact the British Pregnancy Advisory Service Tel 03457 30 40 30 (I'm not sure of the times they are open)

I believe you can terminate up to 23 weeks and a few days, but do see your GP and/or take pregnancy advice.

If you still decide to end the pregnancy they can tell you how to access counselling and how to cope emotionally with the after effects of the pregnancy loss. Counselling is just to make sure you have thought everything through first and still want to terminate, and as support for you afterwards. Don't let anyone influence your decision - this is your decision alone and it is your body undertaking the risks by carrying any foetus if you keep the pregnancy going.

If you change your mind and decide to keep the pregnancy Uni could still be an option for you, but have a good think about what you want to do? You have nine months to still just keep going virtually as normal with lectures, assignments etc In the three to six months after the birth baby is not very mobile, just needing feeds, fuss and changing nappies. It is difficult logistically but still achievable. You would need to contact your Uni welfare services to ask what support facilities they offer for single Mum's. Finance is more difficult, but if you are still doing your course you would still be entitled to your student loan.

What ever you decide will be right for you, and you don't need to justify it to anyone. Good luck, there will be so many women in the same situation and unfortunately there is not such a thing as 'a little bit pregnant' and the overload in thinking is sometimes overwhelming.
Weirdly enough I thought of this scenario a while ago, and I would definitely go for the abortion. Being a young mother is difficult. Especially in the current climate with extortionate child care costs. Not to mention your studies could be hindered. I don’t mean to sound so selfish but you have to think of your life first before throwing another into the mix.
That being said, talk to him, what does he plan on doing? Would a child fit into that plan? Make him understand your point of view.
If you do keep the child think of the best ways to work around it.

Good luck and take care
I'm glad you're considering the father in your decision making. Morally it's the right thing to do, even if the law states otherwise.

I can only give anecdotes about how I was in your position (fell pregnant whilst at uni, and didn't feel ready to have a baby at all, but I did it anyway - spoiler alert: my 16 year old is a wonderful girl), but I'm not you, so all I can do is suggest you think very carefully about your decision, weigh it all up, and maybe consider seeking advice from your family if you are close to them, or a counsellor as an alternative.
(edited 1 year ago)
you 'think' he wants you to keep it? has he actually told you this or are you assuming? it would be a mistake to assume anything just because he's about to graduate; he may not feel ready to be a father and is just honestly trying to support your decision knowing it's ultimately up to you. maybe he thinks if he's insistent on you getting an abortion you'll be upset and leave him or maybe he thinks it's just a jerk thing to do(?).

you both need to be properly frank about what you want now and be realistic about if you keep it how will you provide for this child. do you want to have a child with someone for the rest of your life when you've only been together a year and haven't begun your careers yet, what are the risks and sacrifices you'll need to make etc. ykwim? just be blunt about it.
Talk to him about it and find out what he actually thinks. If you both think you aren't ready for a child, it makes sense to have an abortion. I agree with the fact that you should only continue the pregnancy if you take every factor into account (money, housing, studies, jobs) and decide how to care for a child around each of your lives.

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