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Bf basically said he wouldn’t marry me?

Me and my bf have only been dating for 2 months, and today we were talking about marriage. Not between us, but like in general. Like we were just talking about what kind of person our parents would want us to marry. He basically said “my parents want me to marry in my own ethnicity, so i’m probably gonna end up marrying a Pakistani girl” (i’m not Pakistani). Also a bunch of other traits that were not me.. honestly i was too confused to say anything. He was basically saying he was never gonna marry me?

I just feel so **** rn, I like him so much. I already saw a future with him and I guess the feeling wasn’t mutual. I feel like I am already going through a breakup, and i’m too scared to ask because I don’t want us to break up. I just hope that he will change his mind? Surely if you’re dating someone you would consider marrying them? I don’t understand, is he just dating me for fun or something? Even though he says he likes me a lot and does a lot for me.

I don’t really know what to do or say. Am I being way too dramatic rn? I need some advice on what to do.
Reply 1
How old are you both?
Reply 2
I think it’s a blessing that he’s telling you all this.
Some guys will lie and tell a girl what he thinks she wants to hear. Tell her he will marry her just to waste her time with no intentions of doing so.
Is he Muslim? Muslims have arranged marriages, so he could be talking about who his parents would arrange for him to marry.
Reply 4
I don't think it's necessarily to do with you, but more so South Asian culture where you're generally expected to marry within your race, religion, etc but same goes for the other traits. He probably likes what he has with you now but knows later down the road it is going to be hard to sustain with family pressure... Though the fact that he's talking hypothetically and his saying 'probably' are just what he expects to happen rather than what he actually wants..
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t understand, is he just dating me for fun or something?


If you've already "put out", then that's probably the case. It's best to clarify and have an honest conversation about what your partner wants early on in the relationship, otherwise you get situations like this.
Reply 6
Original post by Foxehh
How old are you both?


19 and 21
Original post by Anonymous
19 and 21

Most people don't marry the person they are in a relationship with at age 19, so maybe the idea of marrying you is just something he hasn't considered. So he separates the future idea of marriage from his current life stage? But I agree it really wasn't very tactful of him to say it...
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my bf have only been dating for 2 months, and today we were talking about marriage. Not between us, but like in general. Like we were just talking about what kind of person our parents would want us to marry. He basically said “my parents want me to marry in my own ethnicity, so i’m probably gonna end up marrying a Pakistani girl” (i’m not Pakistani). Also a bunch of other traits that were not me.. honestly i was too confused to say anything. He was basically saying he was never gonna marry me?

I just feel so **** rn, I like him so much. I already saw a future with him and I guess the feeling wasn’t mutual. I feel like I am already going through a breakup, and i’m too scared to ask because I don’t want us to break up. I just hope that he will change his mind? Surely if you’re dating someone you would consider marrying them? I don’t understand, is he just dating me for fun or something? Even though he says he likes me a lot and does a lot for me.

I don’t really know what to do or say. Am I being way too dramatic rn? I need some advice on what to do.

tbf most south Asians do get an arranged marriage, however since you have only known each other for two months, if you give it more time, then you may hear the answer you want next time. If you talk about it marriage and future plans after several months again and he isn't including you , then that's when you need to leave
Reply 9
Well he’s basically admitting that he currently does not see a future with you. There’s no guarantee he won’t change his mind in the future, but I wouldn’t take the risk. Much easier to end it 2 months in before things get really serious.

People need to realise that there is a difference between not knowing whether you want to marry someone at 19/20, and knowing you probably won’t be marrying them. It’s not nice to know that there’s little potential for the relationship to go anywhere.
Your bf is calmly letting you know that you don't meet his marriage dealbreakers- thus your relationship with him will never involve marriage.
Because his parents want him to marry someone of the same nationality/religious beliefs/family background and raise all his future children to follow their family traditions.
He is willing to oblige them when it comes to marriage because he wants to retain a positive relationship with them, continue their marriage traditions or just wants to inherit from them.

Try not to take this personally and remember that he is not a compatible spouse for you. :smile:
Compatible ambitions, honest communication and shared lifestyle preferences are very important.
Almost everyone in the britain and the usa who has dated more than 3 people has realised at some point that they were dating an incompatible person who they would not marry or consider moving in with/raising a family with.

I'm a 27 year old female, below average height and have been happily single since I walked out on the ex almost 8 years ago.
I am average looking and have a very long list of dating dealbreakers.
I won't date religious guys or those who support sexual abstinence until marriage.
I probably won't get married, only date guys a minimum of 15 years older than me and am only going to have one child.
Won't get involved with divorced guys or those that are fans of the extended family setup.
Compatibility, shared values and mutual ambitions are crucial to maintaining a happy intimate relationship.
Good luck!
Original post by londonmyst
Your bf is calmly letting you know that you don't meet his marriage dealbreakers- thus your relationship with him will never involve marriage.
Because his parents want him to marry someone of the same nationality/religious beliefs/family background and raise all his future children to follow their family traditions.
He is willing to oblige them when it comes to marriage because he wants to retain a positive relationship with them, continue their marriage traditions or just wants to inherit from them.

Try not to take this personally and remember that he is not a compatible spouse for you. :smile:
Compatible ambitions, honest communication and shared lifestyle preferences are very important.
Almost everyone in the britain and the usa who has dated more than 3 people has realised at some point that they were dating an incompatible person who they would not marry or consider moving in with/raising a family with.

I'm a 27 year old female, below average height and have been happily single since I walked out on the ex almost 8 years ago.
I am average looking and have a very long list of dating dealbreakers.
I won't date religious guys or those who support sexual abstinence until marriage.
I probably won't get married, only date guys a minimum of 15 years older than me and am only going to have one child.
Won't get involved with divorced guys or those that are fans of the extended family setup.
Compatibility, shared values and mutual ambitions are crucial to maintaining a happy intimate relationship.
Good luck!

Could not have said it any better. Everything you say is just *chefs kiss*

Cabinet is lacking you
Maybe you could ask him to clarify what he actually meant? See where his head is currently at?
Too young to be thinking of marriage, he'll be ******** himself
I once had a guy tell me he could only see a future with me and seriously considered marriage, then he buggered off. So I wouldn’t worry too much
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my bf have only been dating for 2 months, and today we were talking about marriage. Not between us, but like in general. Like we were just talking about what kind of person our parents would want us to marry. He basically said “my parents want me to marry in my own ethnicity, so i’m probably gonna end up marrying a Pakistani girl” (i’m not Pakistani). Also a bunch of other traits that were not me.. honestly i was too confused to say anything. He was basically saying he was never gonna marry me?

I just feel so **** rn, I like him so much. I already saw a future with him and I guess the feeling wasn’t mutual. I feel like I am already going through a breakup, and i’m too scared to ask because I don’t want us to break up. I just hope that he will change his mind? Surely if you’re dating someone you would consider marrying them? I don’t understand, is he just dating me for fun or something? Even though he says he likes me a lot and does a lot for me.

I don’t really know what to do or say. Am I being way too dramatic rn? I need some advice on what to do.

Maybe he's scared that his family wont accept you? If u r white, there's a huge chance that his parents wont accept the marriage as the SE asian parents thinks that white girls sleep around and not a 'wifey' material.
better than him telling u what he'd name your kids and then breaking up with you

so he wants a relationship for action and you want a relationship for future marriage
you can either stay for the fun/ chemistry or leave and find someone that is looking for a serious relationship

very difficult to find someone that wants a serious relationship because they just want the intimacy but not the long term marriage goal
my opinion anyway as a girl

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