The Student Room Group

Where to meet a guy who is 'relationship material'?

I am a socialite, I have plenty of male friends, but have rarely fancied any of them. I have only had one boyfriend which was over 3 years ago. Now, I'm at a really good point in my life, and the only thing that's missing is a boyfriend!

I come from Taunton but I am in London now, 2nd year of uni, sharing a house and having lots of parties, so you'd think it would be easy for me to find a guy to settle with, but it's not!

I go out to lots of clubs and bars but most of the guys I meet are drunk and only want sex. I am involved in lots of things at uni too but I haven't met anyone who I would consider dating.

I have even considered internet & speed dating:o: , but that seems really sad for a girl my age.

I am very confident but I have a problem approaching people when I'm not in social venues like clubs and bars. For example, in shops and stuff, I sometimes see cute guys but I don't know how to approach them, also I get worried as they might have gfs, or I might seem like a loser/desperate. Another thing that puts me off is the idea that I might not even like them once I get to know them.

So anyone got any suggestions? Any good places to meets guys?

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Ask for the time, make eye contact..? I don't know, that's what people who approach me do.
As you said bars/clubs aren't really the place for that... to be honest being at uni I guess societies are your best bet.
whats wrong with net and speed dating? it's pretty standard now.
Reply 4
Look at it this way. You're not getting any younger. You might get totalled by a bus tomorrow.

Next time you see someone you want to get to know, go up and talk. Best case scenario: you hit it off, things develop. Worst case scenario: a total stranger thinks you're a "loser" - so what?
If the boys you meet in clubs and bars are only up for sex then maybe you need to spread the net wider. Do your fellow students have suitable friends, brothers etc that you could get to know outside the framework of a club?

Do you belong to any society where you can make friendships where the expectation is of just spending time together rather than ending in sex? You are still young enough for Duke of Edinburgh schemes and that sort of stuff. You have fun but the emphasis is on the activity rather than pairing off.

Personally, I don't see clubbing as the right place to make long term relationships. There's too much alcohol and drugs going on to allow you time to get to know if you really like a person or if you just fancy them.

Forget about dating the boys you meet and just see if you like them as friends and if they have the potential. It isn't always 'love at first sight'. Sometimes the best relationships are slow growing and you reach the point where you think if this person wasn't there my life would be empty, and you realise how much they mean to you.
punktopia
Look at it this way. You're not getting any younger. You might get totalled by a bus tomorrow.

Next time you see someone you want to get to know, go up and talk. Best case scenario: you hit it off, things develop. Worst case scenario: a total stranger thinks you're a "loser" - so what?


Agree. :yep:
punktopia
Look at it this way. You're not getting any younger. You might get totalled by a bus tomorrow.

Next time you see someone you want to get to know, go up and talk. Best case scenario: you hit it off, things develop. Worst case scenario: a total stranger thinks you're a "loser" - so what?

thats very easy to say and it sounds great, only that's not how most people work and will be impossible for many to actually implement.
Reply 8
"The Game" tells u how to get to know strangers you see anywhere....but it is more for men. if women were to start approaching it would disrupt the natural order of things innit.

also womens' standards are v high in general at this age. that might well be an issue for u op.
gangsta10


also womens' standards are v high in general at this age. that might well be an issue for u op.

what's that based on, out of interest?
Reply 10
vapid slut magician
thats very easy to say and it sounds great, only that's not how most people work and will be impossible for many to actually implement.


Well it's their loss, isn't it.
Reply 11
speaking as as an older male with pleanty of experience it's probably better to stick to people you actually know rather than latch on to some random stranger
Nothing wrong with the internet. :smile:
Reply 13
im single :p: ha
Reply 14
vapid slut magician
what's that based on, out of interest?



well, years of observation at uni etc. ive had gf's so im not bitter...ive just noticed that women tend to gravitate towards the best men..its not like everyone pairs off with their equal. that seems to change when people hit their late twenties tho as im noticing with some of my pals....
I have the same problem. I've met lots of 'friends of friends' but I'm extremely picky and go for pretty emo/goth boys. Where I live is chav-central, and so I'm stuck being the only goth in the city practically.

I hate clubbing, so I can sympathise totally.
Reply 16
by definition, most people who are relationship material will already be in a relationship so you may well have to go and get one of them !!
gangsta10
well, years of observation at uni etc. ive had gf's so im not bitter...ive just noticed that women tend to gravitate towards the best men..its not like everyone pairs off with their equal. that seems to change when people hit their late twenties tho as im noticing with some of my pals....

well obviously girls go for hot guys.. :confused:
Reply 18
vapid slut magician
well obviously girls go for hot guys.. :confused:


i'm saying that when i was at uni all girls (no matter how they looked) went after the 'hot'/alpha/'best' guys. the rest of the guys (and im not saying me) had to wait in the shadows so to speak. this meant there were a lot of single people obviously. girls in my halls agreed that this was happening as well.....it's probably something evolutionary lol
Reply 19
Ilora-Danon
I have the same problem. I've met lots of 'friends of friends' but I'm extremely picky and go for pretty emo/goth boys. Where I live is chav-central, and so I'm stuck being the only goth in the city practically.

I hate clubbing, so I can sympathise totally.



Isn't there any alternative music gigs in your area? They are always good for guy spotting. Although you might meet the same problem as in clubs - lots of people drinking, music too loud to talk...