You'd need to speak to a psychaitrist. I have had a mastectomy on one side due to bc, and I have limited movement in my arm and some pain as muscles and nerves are cut in the surgery, which takes about 90 minutes on each side. It takes several years to regain some sensation as well so it's numb, and there will be scarring.There is the posibility of lymphoedema too (where the breast or arm swells) due to pooling of lymph fluid as there are nodes in the breast, even without any axillary nodes removed. I really think that if you are prepared to pay then some of that money should be spent on a good therapist to help you through whatever trauma you've had. I'm guessing that you are young still so have your whole life ahead of you, and it's possible/probable that you would regret it in the future. Please pursue help with the trauma you have had though, as you really need support and understanding to try and heal. If your doctor won't refer you find another doctor or complain about them to the local health authority.