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Boyfriend is a muslim I am a christian

I am hoping to get a few helpful advices.

I have known my boyfriend since I was 15. We were very close and our mother's were even friends. We date for a few months and broke up because he moved away but I always had feelings for him. We stayed friends until about last year, when we started dating again. He studies in a different country so I dont see him often and its a long distance relationship but I really dont mind because I love him a lot.

I am now 22 years old, he's a Muslim and I am a christian. We are hoping that at the end of this we will get married but when he asked his mom about him marrying me she told him NO.

She said that it would lead to a messy divorce and I won't let the kids become muslim, but the thing I really don't mind if the kids are muslim. I am willing to even learn and answer their questions about Islam. My dad's side of the family are Muslims so this isnt a foreign idea to me.

We did break up after she said no but we got back together hoping for the best I guess. We really love each other and are trying to find a way to make it work.

I really do love him, he's my best friend and I did try to learn more about Islam just to see if I could convert but at the end if the day I realized christianity was the religion for me.

I know if he's mom doesn't agree we will break up and it breaks my heart I really wish there was something I could do. I am willing to do anything short of converting. PLEASE HELP.

My mom is a religious Christian and I know she wont be very accepting of his religion either but she knows him and she likes him so I am hoping it will be easy to change her mind.

Thank you.

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Break up again.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Break up again.

Thats cruel 😢 but tnx buddy
Religion should not come between two people in love but also consider your future. I married someone who was following a different religion but she ended up being a hardcore fanatic later. That ruined my life and now I can’t even divorce because she will take all of my money and sanity.

Just know what you are getting into before you say yes.
Well either your boyfriend has to choose between his family or you. It seems he's not willing to do that, and if he does. Expect a lot of conflict down the line, regarding religion, family, kids. You are still young, you will find someone who will choose you. I think it's best to break up with him. Sorry that you had to go through this, I know how frustrating obstacles none of your own in a relationship can be.
Reply 5
He's an adult; it's not up to his mum who he marries. If he has difficulty sorting this out, what would married life be like with him? Would he be prevaricating on issues like where to live, or finances? Would he be referring to his mother for advice?
I don't understand why some parents are like this. Parents are supposed to bring up their kids to make their own decisions and support them not say no to anything they're unhappy with. It's your life at the end of the day, your parents will not have to live with the decisions you make only you will. Be with who you want to be with, your parents can't stop you.
Original post by Surnia
He's an adult; it's not up to his mum who he marries. If he has difficulty sorting this out, what would married life be like with him? Would he be prevaricating on issues like where to live, or finances? Would he be referring to his mother for advice?


If it’s an Islamic marriage it’ll need to be done through a Nikah where parents are required to be witnesses and you need their permission.
honestly break up. he did it before because of his mom not approving of your religion. imagine you are getting married and she wants a Muslim wedding, but you are Christian then what will you do? compromise your own beliefs for his? imagine she forces your kids to be Muslim and to do Muslim activities? what will you do? compromise again? imagine a funeral of one of your children happens and she wants a Muslim funeral? will you compromise again? Honestly, these sound realistic but think....it will come to a point where all you do is compromise and then you might as well be Muslim too and you lose your Christian identity and go against your own faith. clearly your boyfriend and his mother aren't willing to compromise too. Just think. His mother is right it will be a messy divorce.
unrealistic*
Original post by Anonymusy
I don't understand why some parents are like this. Parents are supposed to bring up their kids to make their own decisions and support them not say no to anything they're unhappy with. It's your life at the end of the day, your parents will not have to live with the decisions you make only you will. Be with who you want to be with, your parents can't stop you.

These types of parents view children as only a mere extension of themselves. Everything their children does reflects on them negatively or positively. So they control whatever their child does to not taint their image of what they wish to present to the outside world. Also, in Islam, not marrying a Muslim is uber bad because your children will not be Muslim -then the parents will be 'questioned' and go to hell as they did not raise their children Muslim. So these Muslim parents *need* their kids to be Muslim so they don't go to hell. That's why Muslim parents only want their kids to marry Muslims, they're saving their own ass lol.
Reply 11
Original post by SiraatUlMustaqim
If it’s an Islamic marriage it’ll need to be done through a Nikah where parents are required to be witnesses and you need their permission.

No, a Nikah just requires 2 witnesses, not necessarily parents.
Original post by Surnia
No, a Nikah just requires 2 witnesses, not necessarily parents.

It is required that the Groom must get permission from the girls father.
I understand some of how you feel. :smile:
I support interfaith marriage and have been in similar situations when I was dating.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Focus on your ambitions and working towards building the happy future life that you want.
Whether this will involve your bf or not.
Stick to your dating & marriage dealbreakers and don't let anyone harass or intimidate you over them.

It seems like your bf has some choices to make.
He will need to decide upon the type of spouse, family & relationship he wants and how much values parental approval of his future spouse.

Remember that many people oppose interfaith marriages for a variety of reasons.
Plenty of traditionalists want to choose their children's spouses and prefer marriages to remain within their family or religious community.
There are lots of people who want their family or religious traditions to continue and plan to force their favourite family customs upon their child's future descendants.
These types of individuals will often disinherit a relative who disobeys them and automatically view the law of the land as irrelevant when it is incompatible with their agenda/ ambitions/ habits/ favourite family customs.

Issues like personal attitudes towards divorce, suitable types of marriage venues and raising a child or children can be crucial measures of compatibility.
This has been very true for me.

You may also want to reconsider whether an interfaith marriage with a follower of islam is compatible with the ambitions that you have and the values that you hold.
Or if any potential husband whose relatives will not tolerate his children choosing another religion/atheism is something that you really want in your future.
One day you may feel that it is necessary to have a difficult conversation with one of your descendants that goes into the details of your past relationships and the choices that you made.

My mother was raised in an brutal ultra-traditionalist religious household with a medievalist mindset and centuries old tradition of religious endogamy & arranged marriages.
She was almost beaten to death and disinherited by her father & his vile mother when she came home to tell them that she had decided to marry an atheist.
She married her soulmate and they have been together for more than 4 decades.
But this came a very painful cost for her in terms of never seeing her father again and being banned from attending his funeral on his instructions.
Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
Religion should not come between two people in love but also consider your future. I married someone who was following a different religion but she ended up being a hardcore fanatic later. That ruined my life and now I can’t even divorce because she will take all of my money and sanity.

Just know what you are getting into before you say yes.

PRSOM.
Original post by Anonymous
These types of parents view children as only a mere extension of themselves.
Everything their children does reflects on them negatively or positively. So they control whatever their child does to not taint their image of what they wish to present to the outside world.

PRSOM.

Almost all mainstream islamic sects and community leaders do accept that interfaith marriage has been permitted under some contexts and do not automatically classify it as a bad thing.
Nor teach the parents will go to hell for the deeds of their children or vice versa.

But many parents and childless individual of many different religious beliefs & affiliations are staunch opponents of interfaith marriage.
Sometimes also hostile towards the idea of marriage with those of other sects or groups of religious/theological jurisprudence
Particularly within their own household or family tree.
With some extremely vociferous in their opposition to close interfaith relationships and marriages.
A few physically abusive towards those who choose to wed someone of another religious background/belief or vile towards the children of interfaith couples.
You'll both be able to find better suited partners there are plenty of people out there, plus I don't think it would be fair on your children
Marrying someone from a different religion isn’t just about faith; it’s about deep set identity, tradition and eventual belief in heaven. If you know Jesus and He is your friend and your rock then to be married to an unbeliever will be a trial. You will be pulling in different directions and will encounter strife with family traditions and religious rites. Your husband as a Muslim will decide what happens not you and unlikely if he is a devout Muslim you will be allowed to bring up your children as Christians and continue going to church. Look up 2 Corinthians 6 - you will be unequally yoked (attached) to your husband and will be very different people. One of you will have to compromise/ do you want it to be you? As a female in a Christian country you might be expected to join him and convert to Islam. Are you willing to give up your faith for him? From a point of view where I married an unbeliever I would say ‘don’t do it’ / rose coloured spectacles and the in love feelings do not last. Having a true common goal does. One of you will lead the family and it will most likely be the husband in a Muslim marriage, unless he turns his back on his family. Not what you want to hear, but it’s true. Go to church and focus on God and not on finding a husband. He needs to be your focus.
I thought Muslim men were allowed to marry Christian or Jewish women? Ask your boyfriend to talk to his mother about this, and the fact that you'd be willing to raise any future children as Muslims.

http://www.theinterfaithobserver.org/journal-articles/2018/11/13/when-muslims-intermarry
Original post by Anonymous
These types of parents view children as only a mere extension of themselves. Everything their children does reflects on them negatively or positively. So they control whatever their child does to not taint their image of what they wish to present to the outside world. Also, in Islam, not marrying a Muslim is uber bad because your children will not be Muslim -then the parents will be 'questioned' and go to hell as they did not raise their children Muslim. So these Muslim parents *need* their kids to be Muslim so they don't go to hell. That's why Muslim parents only want their kids to marry Muslims, they're saving their own ass lol.


not marrying a Muslim is not 'uber bad' when Muslim men are permitted to marry any People of the Book [Christians, Jews and Muslims], it is not prohibited.

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