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Should a guy expect exclusivity from me in the talking stage

I never asked him but he said he will do the same. I believe that he will because he’s not the type to do casual stuff, let alone with multiple women. He said he wants a relationship with me eventually, right now we’re just talking (no dates, literally just discussing the possibility of a future relationship between us). Am I wrong to think that he shouldn’t be expecting loyalty from me in exchange for some words and ‘discussions’?
No, if it’s not serious at the point then there’s nothing to be loyal to, it’s just getting to know each other.
Reply 2
Avatar for xox416
xox416
14
I think you are doing yourself a disservice by getting to know only one person. Suppose they decide they don’t want to be with you after all, you wasted your time and potentially missed out on someone more compatible.
(edited 1 year ago)
I don't think you're wrong, I am seconding what others posters said
You are just trying to get to know each other, you will get to the point where you both talk about exclusivity later
Original post by Anonymous
I never asked him but he said he will do the same. I believe that he will because he’s not the type to do casual stuff, let alone with multiple women. He said he wants a relationship with me eventually, right now we’re just talking (no dates, literally just discussing the possibility of a future relationship between us). Am I wrong to think that he shouldn’t be expecting loyalty from me in exchange for some words and ‘discussions’?


I don’t know if you’re wrong or not, but what I do know is that when someone interests me, even if I tut je early stages I don’t want to muck around with anyone else. The fact that you would consider it indicates to me that this person doesn’t hold much interest in your eyes
It's an okay thing to talk about but it's pretty unreasonable to expect you to be talking to only him in terms of romantic prospects.
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know if you’re wrong or not, but what I do know is that when someone interests me, even if I tut je early stages I don’t want to muck around with anyone else. The fact that you would consider it indicates to me that this person doesn’t hold much interest in your eyes

Actually, I’m very interested in him but he’s not showing a lot interest to show he’s interested. He said him showing more interest is too much investment and too risky atm. So that’s why I’m thinking why would I shut myself off from other potential candidates when this guy has expectations from me but won’t deliver himself
Original post by Anonymous
Actually, I’m very interested in him but he’s not showing a lot interest to show he’s interested. He said him showing more interest is too much investment and too risky atm. So that’s why I’m thinking why would I shut myself off from other potential candidates when this guy has expectations from me but won’t deliver himself


Move on! He’s playing with you and it’s an investment with no return on your behalf. You deserve better!
"Exclusivity" shouldn't ever mean you're not allowed to talk to anyone else.

But chasing someone romantically? Yeah, one at a time. Not so much for his sake but for yours - very few people are going to be interested in someone who's treating a relationship with them like a shopping purchase where you line up your options and pick the least worst one.
I think it's weird that you're both talking about this like a business meeting. Do you have a flow chart showing what progress you're expecting in the next quarter? Also are you hitting your relationship KPI targets?

Until you're in a relationship, or rather FEEL like you're in a relationship, then you're both available.
Original post by Anonymous
Actually, I’m very interested in him but he’s not showing a lot interest to show he’s interested. He said him showing more interest is too much investment and too risky atm. So that’s why I’m thinking why would I shut myself off from other potential candidates when this guy has expectations from me but won’t deliver himself

But you said he was "discussing the possibility of a future relationship between us"; how is that NOT showing interest?
If they said they’re talking exclusively to you, then yes, you could expect that they’ll continue to do so. However most people wouldn’t expect this before you have even met. It’s an unusual way around of doing things.
No, it is fine to talk to whoever you want. :smile:
If any potential date or friend makes not talking to people without their permission a condition of staying on their good side- RUN!
Original post by Surnia
But you said he was "discussing the possibility of a future relationship between us"; how is that NOT showing interest?

I see what you mean so let me explain. He talks to me at work, we both initiate contact at work 50/50. He is not forced to talk to me but I wouldn’t classify that as effort from either parts. Now, outside of work he’ll respond to my texts and calls but never initiates contact over the phone. Doesn’t ask me to hangout or go on dates.

So when he does say certain things it doesn’t feel right because there’s nothing to back up what he is saying. We can go through periods of not seeing or talking to each other for weeks and then when I see him he tells me he misses me.
He’s admitted that he’s aware of his behaviour and that it’s temporary. Some of it is due to him being a private person, some due to it just being the talking stage atm. I respect his choice. If he decides to put in more effort and I’m still interested at that point - great. If not then oh well.
Original post by ozzyoscy
I think it's weird that you're both talking about this like a business meeting. Do you have a flow chart showing what progress you're expecting in the next quarter? Also are you hitting your relationship KPI targets?

Until you're in a relationship, or rather FEEL like you're in a relationship, then you're both available.

We didn’t discuss it in that way at all. There were some guys flirting with me, all jokes really. He got a bit funny and said something so I asked him what his expectation was and we discussed it
Original post by Admit-One
If they said they’re talking exclusively to you, then yes, you could expect that they’ll continue to do so. However most people wouldn’t expect this before you have even met. It’s an unusual way around of doing things.

We have met. I know him irl
Original post by skylark2
"Exclusivity" shouldn't ever mean you're not allowed to talk to anyone else.

But chasing someone romantically? Yeah, one at a time. Not so much for his sake but for yours - very few people are going to be interested in someone who's treating a relationship with them like a shopping purchase where you line up your options and pick the least worst one.

What is the difference between talking to someone and chasing them romantically?
I know I wouldn’t be thrilled about a guy talking to many women at the same time but I understand it. I think it’s perfectly normal to get to know multiple people at the same time. Once you’re intimate or things are a bit more serious then you should discuss it.
If your friend told you should meet up soon with no actual concrete plans, are you going to keep your calendar open or get on with your stuff?
Original post by Anonymous
We have met. I know him irl

In that case, the same applies but replace "met" with "gone on a date".
Original post by Admit-One
If they said they’re talking exclusively to you, then yes, you could expect that they’ll continue to do so. However most people wouldn’t expect this before you have gone on a date. It’s an unusual way around of doing things.

Especially if you are not talking for weeks at a time.
Original post by Anonymous
We didn’t discuss it in that way at all. There were some guys flirting with me, all jokes really. He got a bit funny and said something so I asked him what his expectation was and we discussed it

And yet he said he wants a relationship eventually but not yet. WTF? Sounds like he wants to shag someone else first or just wants to be controlling.

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